Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Still a daily struggle

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:12 AM
  • 11 Replies
1 mom liked this
I can accept that God has taken my babies. But I can't understand it and I don't like it. I want my babies. All of them. I want to feel them move and make me uncomfortable. I want to go through the pain of having them. I want them to drive me nuts and disobey. I want their hugs and kisses. And I know, that I have to wait. Hopefully many years, before I can ever hold them. And that sucks.

I see a newborn and I have to choke back tears. I clutch my tummy where I should have movement. I can see where it should be right now. How much bigger I should be. It hurts.
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:12 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
lovebugs_mom906
by Lisa on Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs! I can understand your pain and frustration. I'm there myself. I hope the day comes when it stings just a little bit less for you. I know I have my good days, and my bad days.
dj_kern
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this
I have had days like this as well. I've had 3 losses within the last year and the pain still gets me sometimes. Thinking how old my first loss would be, or thinking how far along I would be with my two most recent losses. Our turn will come, and we will always know that we have beautiful children waiting for us in heaven.
Mommytoaangel
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Cal2006
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 2:59 PM
1 mom liked this

 I am sorry. I feel that same way. I believe that I'll see my babies in heaven on day and I take comfort that Jesus is the best babysitter in the world. But I am human, and of the flesh and I want to hold my babies. I want to not be scared when I get a postive HPT.

Even though I know "why" I lost most of my babies, I don't know why...not really. Why do I have a blood disorder? Why do I have incomptent cervix? Why do I have lower levels of hormones? Why? But the comfort that I take is that I can still try, and I have the wonderful ladies on this site to support me (and hopefully I them as well). We aren't alone in our grief or lack of understanding....we have each other.

jojo_star
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 6:13 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry that it is still so hard for you. I felt that way for a while after each loss, but moved on and past it. It still hurts to think about it, but it doesn't consume me and it doesn't touch every part of my life. I hope you can find that same balance and peace soon.
mommyofnoah208
by Melissa on Aug. 28, 2013 at 6:14 PM
1 mom liked this

  am so sorry :(It is so hard

bcp1020
by chandra on Aug. 28, 2013 at 6:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry.  I understand exactly how you feel.  I had my first loss (first pregnancy as well) almost 6 weeks ago and not a day goes by that I don't ask myself why.  I have my good days (those days where I am able to take several deep breaths and hold back the tears, days when I laugh, days when I can think about the future and hope that there will be a next time and that if there is a next time it will end differently and I'll be able to hold my baby and bring him or her home) and I also have my bad days (those days where I can't hold back the tears... days where everything makes me sad, days where I am even mad... mad at God, mad at myself, mad at the world.  Days where all I do is ask why.... why us, why our baby, why do I have PCOS, why do I have an incompentent cervix, why at 20 weeks... I was half way there, why do other people seem to have it so easy and seem to pop out a kid everytime they have sex, why do we all have to lose our babies in the first place... it seems like those who want them the most have the hardest time).  I think the bad days and all the whys are just one way of dealing with it all, of trying to process everything and I am very glad that there is a place we can all go for support, I just wish that there were not so many of us. 

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this

((hugs)) i'm sorry your still having such a rough time right now hun.  

ellery19
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:10 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel, its been ten weeks since I lost my baby. I was only 6 weeks but it hurts that I never got to feel my baby move or hear its heartbeat. Its even harder to not have anyone who understands what I'm going through. Like every other woman on here , I have my good days and bad days. Today I have thought a lot about what my baby would have been like and questioning why I wasn't able to meet him or her. Why are we so unlucky? Is it bad that I envy every pregnant woman I see?
Angela4boys
by Angela on Aug. 30, 2013 at 8:56 AM
1 mom liked this

(((hugs)))

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)