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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Please help me!!

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 5:25 PM
  • 10 Replies
We found out on my daughters birthday in January of this year. A month later before my husband and my birthdays went and had an ultrasound done( I was only about 10 weeks along) we had the ultrasound and the tech went to look at the pictures that was taken. A few minutes later she came back into the room and told us to head straight to my daughter.. She couldn't and didn't tell me what was going on.

When we got to my doctor he told us there was no heartbeat (which I kind of knew it) he told me if I tried again within the next six months it would happen again. I was devastated, that was my first miscarriage. I'm only 20 and I thought it was my fault.

My due date was suppose to be September 15th. I'm really not sure how to deal with this or how I'm suppose to feel.. Some days are better than others, but I watch some of my friends having their second kid and I cannot for the life of me be happy for them!

HELP ME, please!
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 5:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommyofnoah208
by Melissa on Aug. 28, 2013 at 5:43 PM

 I am very sorry for your loss. Was there a reason he said it would happen again? Many women go on to have healthy babies after a loss, even if they conceive quickly.

countrymommy11
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:00 PM


I have no idea the doctor never said why it would happen again. I already have one happy, healthy little girl so for it to happen again is a mystery to me? I just went and got birth control put in because I did not want it to happen again!

Quoting mommyofnoah208:

 I am very sorry for your loss. Was there a reason he said it would happen again? Many women go on to have healthy babies after a loss, even if they conceive quickly.



Ilovemybbgrl
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:22 PM
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I had a miscarriage 9/2011 and was pregnant again 12/2011 and she is healthy happy smart and beautiful! Oh and almost 1! And I'm 26 weeks pregnant with a little boy now! I'm sorry for your loss, it is a tough thing to go through and it wasn't your fault. Try again but only when you're ready!
sunpeaches1
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 11:33 PM
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I dont understand why they would tell you it would happen again w/o an explanation.
My second fetal demises I had to have another d&c & since to was 2nd loss in same manner they did genetics of uterine contents in order to see if it could be something recurring even though I had had a healthy boy in between the losses....turned out to be just something that happens but they didny know that w/o the tests...
Btw, i got pregnant a year later & had another healthy boy! Sorry for your loss, I understand the grief. I just had emergency surgery a week ago for ectopic... that was my 4th loss... but dont lose hope!
dawny36
by Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 12:47 PM
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Nobody really knows how to deal with this kind of grief.  My due date was on March 16th of this year and I handled it a lot better than I thought I would, the days leading up to that day were harder but on that day I was ok.  Cry if you have to, do whatever you need to do to grieve and it's totally normal not to feel happy for friends who are pregnant, that will pass eventually.  I miscarried on Sept 4th of last year so my one year mark is coming and I know I'll be ok, I'll be sad and will probably do some crying but i'll be ok.  You will be ok to I know it doesn't feel that way but you will be.  Be strong for your daughter, she is a blessing, I have a son and consider myself very lucky for having him.  I hoped some of this was a help to you and I hope everything works out for you.

Cal2006
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 2:44 PM
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 I think you should see another doctor. You've had a healthy baby, so why would this happen again if you got pregnant again? I've had four losses, I've never had a doctor tell me that it would happen again. We've tried to figure out why I've had losses and have discovered many factors...but still no doctor has told me that I'll have another loss. That is concerning for me, that a doctor would make that comment and not explain why.

Secondly, I think you need to accept that you will not be yourself after this. You'll have to find your "new normal".  I think once you are further in your grief process, determine what it is that you are still struggling the most with. Certain things you'll have to accept that you'll never know...and maybe it is the lack of knowing why that you struggle with. For me I struggled with my faith. I tried to push God out of the equation, because I couldn't understand why he was putting me through this. I relied too much on my doctors and when they let me down....I was lost. So part of my healing process was to get my walk with God back on track...that has been the most important step for me personally regarding my healing process.  But it is personal for everyone. If you aren't a spirtual person or your faith wasn't important before your loss, I dont' think getting it on track would be your path to healing. It is different for everyone...but once you get past the denial stage of grief...you'll need to determine your worst pain points. Then address those points to more effectively manage your journey to peace.

busyizzybsmom
by Betsy on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:29 PM
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Wow, you need a new doctor. There was a study done recently that actually showed a *greater* success rate for babies conceived within the first 6 months after a miscarriage. Your doctor is going off of outdated information. Now, there are frequently emotional reasons to wait which are COMPLETELY legitimate, but they would not affect the outcome of any pregnancy that might happen before the 6 month mark. 

We got pregnant with our rainbow baby 3 weeks after I miscarried. He's a healthy & happy (except for the 4 molars he's cutting right now...) 1 year old. I'm so sorry you were told to wait - I know that can be one of harder aspects of it all. 

Healing, for me, just took time. I tried not to dwell on things, but when the emotions rose up I didn't ignore them. It was a slow process. Know that you will never be back to the way you were, but you will "heal" in the same way that wounds heal. There will always be a scar, a mark. You are a mother of two now, and just because you have to wait to meet your second child doesn't mean they don't or didn't exist. Blessings on your TTC efforts and I hope you get your rainbow baby soon!

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Aug. 29, 2013 at 11:13 PM
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((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss hun.  

Angela4boys
by Angela on Aug. 30, 2013 at 7:44 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss.  I'm very confused at why your doctor would say that, I'd call back or make an appt for more information.  Plenty of women become pregnant with no issue before their first cycle...and the latest research available shows the best outcomes for subsequent pregnancies are those that occur within 6 months. 

Hang in there Mama, we are here for you. (((hugs)))

Anon000
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 7:48 AM
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I had a miscarriage I was 6 weeks along and on what would have been my due date i go into this I don't want to see anyone do anything mode but I have found having a good cry and a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream usually helps I'm sorry for your loss
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