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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

traveling through grief

Posted by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 9:40 PM
  • 13 Replies

My world has been turned upside down in a matter of 2 months. I went from being content that it was just going to be me, my husband, and the animals since I was told that it would be near impossible to get pregnant to congrats your pregnant! Not only was I pregnant, but with twins.  The tech saw a mass which couldn't be explained.  The next sono she told us that it was just one baby with a heartbeat and a mass.  The next sono she explained that it was in fact twins and they had both passed away two weeks prior.  The mass was still there. After several sonos later, we made the decision to take the meds to cause a miscarriage since I couldn't take the emotional and mental trauma of walking around like a coffin.  Sept 1 was the initial dose. I lighthly bled the first day and quit bleeding for two days. I was in a great amount of pain and called the doctor only to be told that it didn't seem to be working and they would wait a week before trying the meds again.  That same day I started massively bleeding and continued for 8 more days. Concerned over the lack of care that I felt I was getting, I decided to change doctors.  The new doctor saw me on a Tuesday, sent me for a sono and scheduled a follow-up appointment on Wednesday. The sono tech found on Wednesday that we had been pregnant with triplets and that none of them made it. He stated that the meds had not caused a miscarriage and that I was still pregnant with all three of them. He also diagnosed me with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), something no doctor had ever diagnosed before.  That Friday we were in surgery for a D&C. The pain of their loss has greatly affected me.  It's almost as if someone had some sick sense of humor....here let's give this to her and then take it away.....It's brought me to the edge where you don't want to feel, think or hurt anymore.  It's also scared my husband. He saw me at my lowest of lows and didn't know if he could pull me back. I've gone through every emotion and have asked the typical "was it my fault" questions. Even though I feel very secure with my new doctor, I still struggle with the loss. I just need some sense of "normal" so that I can once again smile without having to feel fake.  I know I never held them, but from the minute I found out that I was pregnant, they held a piece of my heart...the only comfort that I have is that I know my wonderful uncle is up in Heaven holding my babies until I can see them. 

by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 9:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies. It is a painful loss. It can take a while to get to a "new" normal because you will never be the same again. Have you thought of a local support group? It can help to be around and talk to women you understand. *hugs*
busyizzybsmom
by Betsy on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:17 PM

Wow, I am so sorry. :( 

Angela4boys
by Angela on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:53 AM

I am sorry for your losses.  Losing a baby is a pain like no other.  We are all here for you (((hugs)))  these ladies know your pain, we know your grief, and we know just how real that pain and grief is, unfortunately. 

funhappymom
by Marie on Sep. 19, 2013 at 8:35 AM


Quoting Angela4boys:

I am sorry for your losses.  Losing a baby is a pain like no other.  We are all here for you (((hugs)))  these ladies know your pain, we know your grief, and we know just how real that pain and grief is, unfortunately. 

I second this.

Just keep reminding yourself, that this is not your fault-it is no ones. The majority of miscarriages early on are unexplained. It sucks and, I feel, makes it that much harder to deal with.

(((HUGS)))

mommyofnoah208
by Melissa on Sep. 19, 2013 at 9:12 AM
Thinking of you. I am so sorry. It was nothing you did. Just gotta get through one day at a time. I know it seems impossible, but you will start to feel happier again over time. Maybe you can make or buy something in memory of them, it can help to have something tangible in the house when you need something to hold or look at.
DFWmama
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:02 PM

Oh wow! :( 

It is hard, only fellow loss moms know and understand. It's a new normal....

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Sep. 19, 2013 at 6:55 PM

((hugs)) I am so sorry

Heathersb33
by Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 10:09 PM
I am so sorry for your loss:( Losing a baby is so hard! I hope you have supportive people in your life. This group of women helped me a lot when I was going through my miscarriage last month and I know they will try to help you as well. Hugs.
katybatybear
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 1:02 AM

I did just that....figured I needed something to be able to physically feel and see everyday...I bought a bracelet that you can add beads and charms to....bought two hearts when we thought that we had lost the twins, but later picked up a charm with a heart to signify the third baby....it will never replace them but it comforts me sometimes......

katybatybear
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 1:07 AM

There are many loving and supportive people in my life....some have children, some don't.....it's a double-edged sword though.....you feel like you can't talk to the ones without any children because they have nothing to offer except their condolences and it hurts to talk to the ones with children because you are constantly reminded of what you have lost that they have been blessed with......that's why I have been searching for a support group and have been considering private counseling so that I can make it to a place where all of this is in the past, yet it helps make me a stronger person.  I definitely want to be able to be happy again when they tell me that I am pregnant again....it's not suppose to be a dark and scary time.....It's also my hope that I can meet new people who have felt the anguish and grief that I've felt in the past month or two.

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