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Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:44 PM
  • 14 Replies

 6 years ago i had my miscarriage.  Since then i have a friend who had a stillbirth and a friend who deliver and than lost her baby at 20 weeks. I feel like i'm not allowed to publicly grieve my baby. they haven't made me feel the way but just the fact taht they were further along and got to see and hold there babies. I wasn't as far some people wouldn't consider my baby even a baby. I was 10 weeks. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mylilprincesses
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:59 PM

 ((HUGS)) to you. i haven't been in a situation like this before so i don't know what to say.

Angela4boys
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:07 PM
I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I can only answer from my perspective...I had my first loss at 16 weeks. I think that your baby was every bit as important as mine.

Who is anyone to tell you that your baby isn't as important as theirs? You grieve how ever you need to, it's not about them, it's about you.
momofcrazypants
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:20 PM

I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. I never held my baby either and I lost it further along in my pregnancy. A loss is a loss no matter how far along.

ilovemykids323
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:37 PM

 thanks ladies. I need to tell myself that. I'm sure they feel the same way as you guys. So it's silly for me to worry about it really.

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:49 PM

*hugs* I'm sorry for your loss and that you haven't felt support and sympathy from friends that have suffered a loss as well.  Your baby was a baby and the pain still hurts no matter if you had an early loss or a late loss.

My daughter was born sleeping due to a fatal birth defect and I don't think women you had an early loss hurt any less than I do.  Yes I got to see and hold my baby and I can picture her and look at pictures.  But I almost think a early loss is worse because you don't have hardly any if at all momentos to remember your angel by and you will always wonder what your angel might have looked like and even what gender your angel might have been.

mommyofnoah208
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:04 AM
I am so sorry. A baby is a tragic and devestating loss no matter when. You are just grieving the weeks you had your baby, you are grieving a lifetime. Thinking of you
sjozuna06
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:13 PM
My baby was almost 7 weeks... My baby was a baby... He had heartbeats... He was growing little arms and legs... It had a soul!!!
Even if someone had a loss at a week its still a baby!!!!!!!
Namaste09
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 8:57 AM
((Hugs)) yes my family an DH's family has no understanding of it at all, when we got pregnant after the loss anytime I have been upset I'm pretty much told to get over it an be thankful for this baby. It's hard unless they have been in our position they really don't understand, how much that baby meant to us.
Childless2012
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:43 AM

I have a friend who lost her baby at 37 weeks about 10 years ago. I had two miscarriages- one at 7 weeks and one at 16 weeks. My friend was the first one there for me for both of my miscarriages and she helped me tremendously. we both shared our stories and she never once made me feel like mine were any less than hers was. She told me I could share my pictures of my son with her and tell her about it if i wanted to. This is true friendship. Whether it was 10 years ago or now, it doesnt take away your pain or make theirs more important. If anything, i would think it would bring up old "wounds" for you and you need to be able to grieve in any way you need to.

lost2013
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 10:03 AM

I sometimes do I was only 4-5 weeks and I feel sometimes people look at me like why grieve you were not that far along, but my belief is it is a baby as soon as the egg and sperm meet, and a loss is a loss now matter how far along you were.  I am back to TTC and I want to test but I am afraid to AF is due next week I am scared to test then have a miscarriage again like last time. 

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