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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Feeling lost

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:39 PM
  • 12 Replies

Hello everyone, I just signed up today because I thought it would do me some good to talk to other ladies that have experienced loss. I just found out this past monday that our baby had stopped growing. We had an internal ultrasound done last Monday due to spotting & cramping & the baby showed 5 weeks 4 days. I went back this Monday in hopes of hearing a heartbeat & they stated that the ultrasound showed even smaller than the week prior & I should have been showing 7 weeks plus at this point. Omg....instant devastation. I chose the Cytotec route because frankly the whole D&C thing freaks me out. So Tuesday I went through the 'process' and I've been home resting & bawling my eyes out since then.  But here is the thing...the shock didn't hit me until Wednesday & I've basically been a basket case since. I don't want to get out of bed...I have no interest in interacting with others...I've never been depressed, but I'm assuming it feels very similar to this. I am newly married (my second) and I have an amazing 12 year old son from my first marriage. My husband does not have any children but has always wanted one...we are both 34. So even though this pregnancy was a bit of a surprise...we were ready to grow as a family. I thought I would be ok, I thought I would be back to work right away & functioning normally yet here I sit, falling apart over & over again over the course of the day. I'm assuming my hormones have me messed up the most...but I tend to think I'm a total badass that can handle anything thrown my way & I guess I'm starting to realize that one teenie tiny 5w4d baby had me wrapped around their little finger already. I'm not expecting for an overnight transformation or anything, but I just don't feel like I will ever be ME again. I have sucked up my pain for the sake of my son & I have been there every moment he has needed me this past week...but my relationship with my husband has been a nightmare & I'm tired of crying to the few family & friends that knows what is going on. So yeah...I'm feeling a little lost.

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Angela4boys
by Angela on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:47 PM

Oh hun, I'm so sorry for your loss (((Hugs)))  I want to welcome you here to this group...it's a group nobody ever wants to join, but it's a really great group.  I can't even imagine going through my losses without the ladies here. I want you to know that you can talk about ANYTHING, here.  Nothing is too much information, or out of the norm.  We have all been though it, and we know that it spills over into almost every aspect of life.  

I want you to know that having a "delayed" reaction is very normal...I did too.  I think that you are just in shock at first, and litterally can't feel.  You just gotta take it one day, and one emotion at a time.  For me, the first month was very very hard...but for some reason, when I'd get my first period after my losses I felt more "normal."  The grief was far from over...and I'm actually almost a year and a half out since my first loss, and still have hard moments and days...but that was my experience. 

So why has things been a nightmare with the hubs hun? 

Jessdylan01
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:58 PM

Thanks for listening! Well, hubby is amazing on so many levels but right now...I just don't think he knows how to deal with me. I've had moments of intense sobbing or sheer outrage & he just stares at me. I don't know if it freaks him out or if he just doesn't know how to communicate with me on this level. Either way...it's putting a wedge between us because im no longer turning to him with my grief...simply because I don't feel any better after trying to communicate with him. Whether I'm talking about my physical pain, emotional pain, anger, frustration...all I get is a stare & an occasional 'yeah, that sucks'. He is the perfect husband in every other sense but this is huge & I really need him right now & I want to lean on him & have him help support me & I'm just getting nowhere. A little bit of resentment is starting to creep in & it's starting to terrify me on top of all the other struggles that I'm facing right now. I'm kinda a mess I guess.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:08 PM

Well you have a right to be a mess...every right.  I'd really just try to love each other through this.  Turn to him for the bear hugs, and turn here for the support that only another loss mother can give.  We see over and over that unless someone has been through this battle, they can't understand what it really feels like, or why time has passed and we're still not over it.  We're Moms, they are our babies...we're not going to just get over it...grief doesn't expire! 

Men and greif...it's very different than women and greif, lol, very very different.  It doesn't surprise me that your husband is responding that way, and it probably really does scare him.  Men like to fix stuff...and this can't be fixed.  He's probably feeling like a deer in headlights, haha!  I'm sure he loves you so so much, but you're right, he just doesn't know what to do, and he's scared to do the wrong thing. 

Quoting Jessdylan01:

Thanks for listening! Well, hubby is amazing on so many levels but right now...I just don't think he knows how to deal with me. I've had moments of intense sobbing or sheer outrage & he just stares at me. I don't know if it freaks him out or if he just doesn't know how to communicate with me on this level. Either way...it's putting a wedge between us because im no longer turning to him with my grief...simply because I don't feel any better after trying to communicate with him. Whether I'm talking about my physical pain, emotional pain, anger, frustration...all I get is a stare & an occasional 'yeah, that sucks'. He is the perfect husband in every other sense but this is huge & I really need him right now & I want to lean on him & have him help support me & I'm just getting nowhere. A little bit of resentment is starting to creep in & it's starting to terrify me on top of all the other struggles that I'm facing right now. I'm kinda a mess I guess.


mommyofnoah208
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:45 PM

 I am so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and welcome to the group. I hope you find comfort and support here

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Nov. 15, 2013 at 7:50 PM

((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss hun.

mylilprincesses
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:15 PM
((Hugs)) to you!
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Nov. 15, 2013 at 11:51 PM

I'm sorry for your loss.  Grief can be very simlar to depression and they can be intwined as well.  You will never be who you were before, that is the honest truth.  But you will find a new you and a new normal for yourself.  Grief never goes away it is always there but in time it can be easier to cope.  And at times you can still get hit with grief that makes it feel so fresh again.  Just don't be hard on yourself everyone grieves in their own way and their own time.  *hugs*

Jessdylan01
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 9:19 AM

Thanks ladies. Today I am curious about my decision to take cytotec vs a D&C or natural loss over time. My body has been through a roller coaster ride & my bleeding & cramping is absolutely horrible right now. Is it still the meds working through my system or should I be worried? Today I can barely move because the cramping is so bad. I've taken 4 Advil & nothing :(. I don't have any other process to compare to...any thoughts on the miserable cramps & heavy bleeding like a really bad period?

Music5150
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 1:53 AM

I am so sorry. *hugs*

Angela4boys
by Angela on Nov. 17, 2013 at 7:11 AM


Quoting Jessdylan01:

Thanks ladies. Today I am curious about my decision to take cytotec vs a D&C or natural loss over time. My body has been through a roller coaster ride & my bleeding & cramping is absolutely horrible right now. Is it still the meds working through my system or should I be worried? Today I can barely move because the cramping is so bad. I've taken 4 Advil & nothing :(. I don't have any other process to compare to...any thoughts on the miserable cramps & heavy bleeding like a really bad period?

Make sure that if the bleeding continues very heavy, or if you are light headed or anything like that...to just call 911 or have someone take you in.  I had a very bad experiece with Cytotec.  Thankfully, I was inpatient, they were inducing me, and as the baby was getting close to delivering, he was already in the birth canal, I started to hemmorhage, and nearly passed out.  I had an emergency D&E, and then several hours later, I passed out, and needed a blood transfusion.  I'm not a fan of cytotec...I get very frustrated when they give ladies that, especially when they give it to them at home.  Had I not been in the hospital, I could have died. 

How are you feeling today?  If you are in a lot of pain, I'd ask for something stronger than advil....I was given vicodin when I went home from the hospital the first time...and I was in NO pain at all.  And the second time I was given norco, for pain....I used it a few times, pretty much so that I could get a good night sleep...but yea, I'd ask for meds.  You shouldn't have to suffer.

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