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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

It's been 2 weeks

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 2:15 PM
  • 8 Replies
Hi ladies,

Well it's been two weeks since my miscarriage. I've had every emotion from intense grief to being angry at everyone including God. At times I feel like I'm starting to get better, then I see someone with a baby or pregnant and its like a knife in my heart all over again. My dr has told us we can start trying again immediately, and we are. My problem is with my husband really. When we first learned that we lost our baby we were both devastated. We cried and grieved together for a few days. Then he seemed like he was pretty much over it and ready to try again. I'm still not over it and not sure how long it's going to be until I am. I still have my bad days or nights when I'm upset and he just doesn't know how to handle me. He just puts his arms around me and tells me that we are still going to have a baby. He doesn't understand, I wanted THAT baby. When I tell him that he doesn't know what to say. I know men and women grieve differently and that men want to "fix" it. That's how he has always been, and he's always been able to "fix" whatever was wrong for me. He's just not able to do that in this case. I'm getting a little resentful because I feel like he's already over it. I catch myself thinking crazy things like he didn't want the baby etc which I know is not true. There is tension building there between him and I that I don't know how to stop. I know it's mostly me being hormonal. He's a wonderful man and better husband and I don't want to lose him. Has anyone else had these types of thoughts and emotions? I feel like I'm losing my mind.
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 2:15 PM
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Replies (1-8):
mylilprincesses
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this
((Hugs)) to you!

Normal stages of grieving
http://jasonspromise.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-stages-of-grief-and-whats-normal.html?m=1
.sp4rkl3z.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 5:41 PM
We found out we were pregnant and lost the baby within 4 days this week...it was very emotional for me but my DF has been so distant. I wish he would have cried so I wouldn't feel like I'm the only one who cares about what happened. We also lost our 8 week old and he doesn't openly grieve over him either. It just sucks, this is such a hard thing for couples to go through.
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Aprils74
by April on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I'm so sorry you had to go through those things. I'm sure you feel so alone! My husband did cry and grieve at least, but he's over it more quickly than I am. People just handle things differently. I'm sure your hubs does care, he's just showing it in a different way. (((Hugssss))) to you. You're not alone ❤


Quoting .sp4rkl3z.:

We found out we were pregnant and lost the baby within 4 days this week...it was very emotional for me but my DF has been so distant. I wish he would have cried so I wouldn't feel like I'm the only one who cares about what happened. We also lost our 8 week old and he doesn't openly grieve over him either. It just sucks, this is such a hard thing for couples to go through.

blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Nov. 17, 2013 at 12:10 AM
1 mom liked this

*hugs* Grief is like a roller coaster of emotions and takes time to cope.  You are still very raw and early into it so you'll have a lot of frequent moments that make it fresh again and usually with time the moments aren't as frequent and might be a little easier to get through.  I think the beginning is one of the hardest points in grief. 

Men don't have that instant connection with a baby like we do.  I carried my daughter to 38 weeks and at times DH doesn't seem affected as much as me and he has told me is because he couldn't bond with her like I did.  He didn't feel her grow and move like I did. 

Have you thought about maybe going to grief counseling together? 

Music5150
by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 1:43 AM
1 mom liked this

*hugs* it is very normal...I was really mad at my husband in the beginng because that day he cried in the room when we found out but he sent me to his parent's house and he didn't hang out with me at all. he played videogames with his cousin while I was just left alone by myself crying into a inflatable mattress. He doesn't like to talk about it because it's been two months but I am still sad because I am still bleeding and have to get a 2nd D&C this upcoming Friday. But just talk to him...it really does help. Men do grieve differently then we do. He always tries to support me now...telling me to be strong and to keep my head up. You do the same. it's hard and it makes you feel almost weak but I know you will have a beautiful baby one day. and your husband loves you and probably is just trying to be strong for the both of you. <3

Angela4boys
by Angela on Nov. 17, 2013 at 6:49 AM
1 mom liked this

You are spot on with men. That is what he is trying to do...he's trying to make it all better, and doesn't realize that he's hurting you.  If it were me, I would tell him.  I would say Honey, you cannot fix this for me.  Even if we have a baby, it's not going to replace the baby I lost.  Tell him that you need to grieve this loss.  Just love each other through this, take all the big bear hugs you can get from your husband...and rely on other mothers who have been though loss, for the emotional support.  That's what I would do.

The thing is, men are so visual, things don't get "real" to them until our bellies get bigger, they can feel the baby kick, we start buying things, choosing names, etc.....they just can't make the connection generally until then.  As Moms, we connect from the time we get a BFP. 

You are NOT losing your mind.  You're normal, youre a greiving mother.

Aprils74
by April on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:14 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm so sorry for your loss!! I can't imagine how hard that must've been for you. I'm thankful that I wasn't so far along in my pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your story, it really helps me know that I'm not alone in the way I have been feeling. If you ever wanna talk I'm here! My husband and I will make it through. We may do some counseling with our pastor. It's just hard, but y'all all know that. I feel like I have a wonderful group of supportive friends and I'm so thankful for y'all!


Quoting blessedmommie07:

*hugs* Grief is like a roller coaster of emotions and takes time to cope.  You are still very raw and early into it so you'll have a lot of frequent moments that make it fresh again and usually with time the moments aren't as frequent and might be a little easier to get through.  I think the beginning is one of the hardest points in grief. 


Men don't have that instant connection with a baby like we do.  I carried my daughter to 38 weeks and at times DH doesn't seem affected as much as me and he has told me is because he couldn't bond with her like I did.  He didn't feel her grow and move like I did. 


Have you thought about maybe going to grief counseling together? 


SrkStrickland
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this

Its only been 2 weeks momma. Give yourself time to grieve. Men grieve in different ways and his way is by wanting to try again. It's been 6 months for me and I'm still not ready to try again. Your emotions are very normal and I still get them today. If he's the good man you're saying he is he will understand. It just takes time. So sorry for your loss :(

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