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New here--question!

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 8:41 PM
  • 6 Replies

Hi everyone!  My name is Lori, long story short....8 months ago we got pregnant and was absolutely over the moon, found out my baby stopped developing at a little over 6 weeks and had to have a D&C.  We got the OK to try again, and I am finding that every month that AF comes, the more depressed I get.  No one in my family has had a miscarriage before, so no one really knows what I'm going through.  I have to even admit that before mine, I knew it was a sad thing but I didnt know it could be this damaging to someone.  So, I guess my question is: How do/did you cope?  My husband is wonderful, but I feel bad falling apart in front of him because he gets upset and doesnt know how to help.  I really look forward to talking with you all, and my deepest sympathies to all of you who have experienced this!

by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 8:41 PM
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by Lisa, Michigan mom on Nov. 17, 2013 at 9:15 PM

I am so sorry for your loss!  It gets easier with time and how long depends on each person.  I still break down about my losses when I look at my kids and now that in between my DS & rainbow my son Owen should be there.  I wonder what he's be like, know his age, etc.  That never really goes away, my loss was 19w on Mother's Day 2009.  I have another loss (13w) in there too but not much was known about this one, so the "what ifs" still pop up.....

When you want something so badly it's hard to accept AF when she comes every month!  Our conceptions weren't easy at all.  Even DS took about a year to conceive......then two losses 1.5 years apart and then not three months after our last loss, once we decided to be content & happy with our family we got that BFP!  I freaked out because I was already starting my 1st month of BC......needless to say those 9 months were the longest & scariest I've ever dealt with but we have a beautiful 15 month old DD that full of trouble!!

Again, I am so sorry for your loss and wish you success in TTC!!!

by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 11:11 PM
I had no one in real life to talk to, the ladies here were my biggest support! Feel free to talk, vent, ask questions as much as you need to one of has been through it! I'm sorry for your loss you never get over it but get used to your new normal eventually. ((hugs))
by Desiree-admin on Nov. 17, 2013 at 11:33 PM

I'm sorry for your loss.  What has helped me with losing my daughter is going to a local support group, seeing a counselor and doing things and going to events in memory of my daughter.

by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 7:29 AM

That's great you've got a supportive husband, I do too, and we are lucky.  I would not be afraid to lean on your husband...even if he gets upset too.  Lean on each other through this.  And tell him that just being there is what helps...he can't fix this, but that closeness really helps. 

Other than that,'s just one day at a time.  This group has been the single best source of support for me.  Nobody understand like another Mom that has been through the same thing.  I've had times that I litterally feel like I sound crazy...come here, spill it all out...and realize that it's all normal. 

I am SO sorry for your loss Hun.  But I'm really glad you found this group.  It's a very healing place to be.

by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I'm sorry for your loss. I have one little boy who is going to be 2 in February so he def helped me stay sane. We had our first miscarriage in May, a day before Mothers Day. We were so devastated..... I was 8 weeks 5 days. The cause for the miscarriage was unknown. Our baby was measuring on time when we went to the ER, a day before I actually miscarried because I was spotting. So not only were we sad but also confused when the doctor told us that there was no cardiac activity :-/ We had family support but I really related to my sister in law. She had 3 miscarriages and really helped me through everything. It was nice to relate to someone and she gave me hope because she now has 2 beautiful little girls. Working out also helped. I think that was a big one. 3 months after the miscarriage, we knew we were ready to try again. Now we are 14 weeks and baby is looking great ! Funny thing is, we're due in May, the same month we miscarried. Good luck to you 

by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I had a D&C following a miscarriage this past August (10 weeks) and I'm trying right now again, and I totally get it.  I go through this crazy cycle where at the beginning, I"m hopeful and okay, but then I'm totally stressed out waiting for my period, and then when it comes, I'm totally depressed. 

I've got no advice on coping, though.  Just remembering that you're not alone.

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