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How do you deal with overwhelming emotions that resurface years later....

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Hi, I am new here, but sadly not new to being an Angel Mom.  My husband and I TTC'd for over 15 years. We managed to somehow conceive a child naturally, after being told we would never, ever be able to get pregnant.  After we lost that one in 2006, we decided to jump on the baby train and did fertility treatments during the last year that we were TTC'd. We conceived our son on the last cycle of Clomid that I did.  Sadly, after 8 weeks, he grew his wings in 2007.  I stopped trying after losing him, I sadly gave up on life, I didn't care about anything or anyone anymore... I gained a lot of weight, and spent most my time wanting to die.

I don't want to say I "got over it" because I haven't, but the wanting to die faded away for the most part, until recently.  I find myself in a very dark place these days and I find myself thinking a lot about death and the meaning of life.  My husband and I would love to adopt, but financially, that is something that is not possible at this time.   As Christmas gets closer, my feelings get darker.... I am trying hard to stay swimming, but I feel like I am being pulled under the water.   Does anyone experience this.... how to you cope?

by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 5:35 PM
Replies (11-14):
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 3:15 PM
This time of year is very tough for me too. My first angel was due in January, my second due in December and my fourth loss was exactly three months before Christmas.
by Amy on Dec. 18, 2013 at 6:34 PM

((hugs)) I am so sorry for your losses hun.  I still have days where I am sad about my loss but for the most part I am at peace with my loss.  Have you thought about maybe looking into a support group in your area for miscarriage/infant loss? I know a few ladies on here have gone to one in their area and said it helped a lot.

by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 7:13 PM

Thank you all, I am happy to have found you. (((Hugs))) I am so sorry for your losses. :(

by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 9:05 PM

 I am sorry for your loss and everything you have gone through emotionally.

Savannah passed only 9 months ago so to me its fresh. As far as coping... the truth is I dont. Work and doing day to day tasks keep me busy enough where I just dont have time to cry.

Sometimes I just make up funny songs for her and sing them or I "talk" to her through prayer. Also, I try to focus on reasons why I would make a great Mom else I just fall apart thinking about how I failed her.

This helps a lot. I hope these tips can help you too.

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