I'm new here, I need support.
Long story short, my husband didn't want to have any more children so even though it's been very difficult I've tried to respect his wishes. On January 1, 2014 he told me he wanted to have another baby. I have endometriosis, missing half an ovary and I have some other misc female issues so I went to a gyno to get checked out before trying. Since we haven't been preventing and I hadn't gotten pregnant, he said I needed surgery to be able to conceive. Less than a week later I felt very sick and ended up taking a pregnancy test. It was positive. My husband was so excited, but I didn't feel good about it for some reason and I didn't want to tell anyone until we had our first sonogram.
We went to visit his ailing grandfather in Arkansas (We live in TX) that same week and while we were there I started bleeding. My Dr. told me to go to a local ER and they confirmed that I was having a miscarriage at nearly 6 weeks. We went back to his grandparents' house and I said I was just having stomach problems. We didn't want the last time we saw him to be a sad time. On our way home I passed some tissue in the bathroom of a gas station, and when I saw it I felt so sick. I have seen the same thing two other times before. Because of my pelvic problems I have VERY painful, horrible periods every month that can also be irregular, so it really didn't feel any different. It so awful to think that I've had three miscarriages.
I have now had 3 normal cycles since the loss and even though I have been using ovulation tests to see when I am most fertile I am still not pregnant.
The more time that passes, I think I feel worse than better. I get SO sad. I've only told a couple of my friends and none of my family... now I'm starting to question if I made the right decision. My thinking was, if people make hurtful comments and they don't know, it's easier to excuse. The few people that I have told have unintentionally said some hurtful things and it's harder to forgive.
Sorry for writing so much, I just have basically no one to talk to and no support. I'm hoping someone can tell me that they've been where I'm at and that it gets better. It's been over 2 months and it's just as hard today as it was then. Thanks in advance!