my story-3 losses and an amazing rainbow
We have so many new members that I feel like I need to share my story again.
My name is Tina and I am 30 years old. In2011 I met the man of my dreams and we decided to start a family together to add to the children we already had. I had my IUD removed in September and we expected it to take a few years to get pregnant because it took me 2 years to conceive my son and it took him and his ex wife several years as well. Surprise, surprise I got pregnant my second cycle and got a positive HPT on Christmas day! When I told DH he couldn't believe it, and we were over the moon excited. I shared the news with our whole family just a few days later. Then my mom said she couldn't wait to tell everyone at work... and I got this strange feeling and told her maybe we should wait incase something happened. I then had this dream- I was shopping in Walmart and this beautiful little blonde, curly haired girl was sitting on the floor wearing at witch hat and mixing potions in a caldron. She kept asking people how to make potions to "make herself stick". I never in my life referred to a baby "sticking" so I took this as a bad sign. On January 22nd I began to spot and over the next 4 days I visited the doctors 3 times. Twice I saw my little baby on ultrasound with a strong beautiful heartbeat. On Thursday, January 26th I went to the doctors again. I waited in the room for nearly 2 hours and I was uncomfortable, I remember getting up and kinda rotating my hips to relieve my back ache thinking it was the hard chair. Finally the doctor came in to examine me. I closed my eyes because it was painful, and he tapped my knee and I looked up. In his hand, resting in her water sac was Dani Jane. She was exactly 9 weeks old, she looked just like a baby in the baby book. She had tiny fingers and you could see they were still connected but any day they would have seperated. She was absolutely beautiful. Sadly I let them put her in a specimen cup and dispose of her, I just didn't know I could ask to take her home. On January 26th my witch grew wings, Mommy loves you Dani Jane.
2 short months later I took another pregnancy test and... POSITVE! But sadly the lines got lighter instead of darker and within days I was "not pregnant". I never got to know that little baby, I believe him to be a boy and I called him "Turtle Baby" and later named him Leo after my favorite Ninja Turtle.
Then 2 months later I got pregnant again. From the beginning I felt like this baby would grow fine, but never come home, but everyone told me not to worry. Little Lily grew perfectly, pregnancy was perfect. I started feeling her move around 15 weeks though it was random. I saw Lily countless times on Ultrasound, I had just gotten used to her being "ok" and was no longer scared to have them because I knew she was ok. At 18 weeks I started feeling like I couldn't breath and headed to the ER, the ER nurse used the doppler and swore she heard the heartbeat but looking back I know she didn't. The next day I went to my doctor, and an ultrasound confirmed there was no heartbeat. I was 19 weeks. That night I went to the hospital to deliver the sweetest little bundle. Labor was nice, if laboring to deliver an angel can be nice. I didn't have any pain, I got up to go to the bathroom and laid back down and felt like I had to pee again... I called the nurses and they were in no hurry until I told them, "I am holding her in or she would be here already". 2 pushes later out came Lilyann Rose sleeping in her sac. I made my husband look first, I was worried she would be deformed or that dark red/blood color like some babies I had seen in this group and I just needed to be prepared. But Lily was so sweet looking. She was the zise of my palm and had a tubby little belly. She had flat lips like her daddy. At first I was upset because she only had 3 toes on one foot (well she had 5 but 2 sets were stuck together) and then I realized she had my toes, I can't seperate my toes, they rest against each other- it runs in my dad's family!!! I loved those moments with my angel. I hugged her and kissed her and took so many pictures. Daddy rearranged her little arms and made her sleep with her hand next to her face like we saw her do on ultrasound so many times. The next day we took her home with us. I rocked her in the chair and sang her all my crazy lullabys. My mom made her a tiny "Nana blanket" that matched the nursery set we had already made for her. And we buried her under a tree in our yard. Rest in Peace Lily Rose, September 7th 2012
Testing revealed that my husband has an abnormal chromosome that caused our losses and we risked the chance of losing more babies too. But after 3 months on birth control I decided the risk was worth the reward. I got pregnant literally 2 days after stopping the pill mid pack. My thought is this rainbow was coming rather I was asking for her or not! From the moment I got a positive pregnancy test, I knew she was going to be just fine. On September 3rd 2013 Gemma Rose was born screaming! Since then we have learned that our rainbow baby is destined to be an angel too. She has a rare genetic disorder called Krabbe disease that will be fatal in early childhood. But she is perfect and beautiful and a joy and she will always be my rainbow.