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The Hatred..

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2014 at 4:06 AM
  • 11 Replies

I've never been on one of these support groups.. so don't judge please.. My husband and I started trying in October 2013 and found out we were pregnant December 2013.. but January I had a miscarriage at six weeks. Found out we were pregnant again in April 2014 but barely a week after I had another miscarriage at approximately 4 weeks. I'm now seeing a gynecologist but he isn't finding anything that could be causing them.. I'm devastated, I feel like a complete failure. My husband is very supportive but he doesn't have the words to take away the pain I feel.. More so I am worried to talk to anyone, my husband is active duty military and I'm afraid to seek emotional help through the army because they will send me to psych and immediately write me off as depressed and try to put me on antidepressants, which I'm not a fan of. I just want someone..anyone.. to tell me that this hatred and anger I feel towards anyone who is pregnant or has a baby is normal.. I get so angry, I can't bear to see their stupid pregnancy announcements or see them whine about morning sickness.. I can't walk near the baby sections in stores or even look at baby stuff on pinterest.. I cant even handle diaper commercials or babies crying in stores.. I don't speak up about how i'm feeling because too many around me just think I should "get over it".. please any advice to help me deal would be appreciate.. just don't be rude or mean.. I'm beat up enough.. Thanks

by on Jun. 14, 2014 at 4:06 AM
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by Danielle on Jun. 14, 2014 at 6:18 AM
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Sounds like me actually. I got pregnant in October and lost baby at 10 1/2 weeks in December. Got pregnant and lost it at 4/5 weeks in April. I think that times helps all your hatred and anger. I wax pregnant a day apart from my sil. Well she's 9 months pregnant now. About to have baby here any day now and my expected due date is coming and I'll be empty handed. I also had to plan her babyshower and throw it.... I think forcing myself to do these things even though it hurt me to do it, helped in the long run. I'm still sensitive to pregnant woman or new borns but I keep telling myself it wasn't their fault I lost my babies.

Sorry for your loss! :(
by Desiree-admin on Jun. 14, 2014 at 10:20 AM

I'm so sorry for your losses. This really is a judgement free zone. Everyone here is very supportive and wonderful! What your feeling is normal and apart of grief. You are not alone! Have you tried military one source? I believe they offer a few visit few with a counselor and you could look for a counselor that specializes in grief and even miscarriage. Not all counselors will push medication. *hugs*

by on Jun. 14, 2014 at 10:28 AM
Don't worry about judgement here! This group is awesome and full of support.

Anger is actually one of the phases of it's very normal. Many of us...probably almost all of us struggle with feeling various degrees of jealousy when we see pregnant women, hear pregnancy announcements and updates, etc.

You are not alone! We are here for you, and with you!
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 2:19 PM
To find judgement, you'll need to find a different group because these ladies are nothing short of awesome. I mc my twins in May and I have a tough time seeing pregnant women too. It has gotten easier and I hope that it continues to get easier. I was feeling guilty about feeling that way but then I realized that it's normal. I just allow myself to feel however I feel at that time. I try not to be hard on myself. From what I've heard from the other moms in this group, it gets easier with time. I hope so.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your babies. We are here for you, mama!
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 3:35 PM

Hugs to you, sweetie. The anger is normal. Especially when you're hurting from miscarriages, it's impossible not to see babies and pregnancy wherever you go. The whiners don't help either, when all you want to do is scream for them to shut up and be thankful they have  a reason to be feeling so crappy. :( Things will get better though. The pain never goes away, but it does get easier to live with. I'm coming up on the 3 year anniversary of our miscarriage at the end of this month, and while I still mourn my little one, those very raw wounds have scabbed over. They're healing. Hugs to you, and I hope you can find the same healing...the ladies in this group help a lot. :)

by on Jun. 14, 2014 at 3:59 PM
I definitely feel very guilty for how I feel sometimes.. I also sometimes feel guilty because I never heard my babies heartbeats or even had a single ultrasound.. But they were there and I loved them.. I feel like I shouldn't be so upset because there are other women who were way further along hen they lost their babies
by Platinum Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 4:08 PM
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Hugs. You are as "normal" as the rest of us (yeah I know everyone else is giggling at the thought of us being normal). But anger is a normal part of grief. What helped me the most with my anger was when another group member told me "you don't know what someone else went through to get that baby". Meaning maybe the lady who is huge and pregnant had to use IVF or the cute bald baby may be someone's rainbow after a few losses. Or the sweet, perfect baby in their arms just may be an angel soon. Anyway it really made me think. Also talking in this group helped a lot. I could say anything and everyone was sweet and supportive. Welcome to the best group in the world
by Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 5:37 PM

Aw! Hugs! Maybe you need a text friend that you can send a "OMG, had a trigger today at the mall" It helps to say that, at least for me it did....I don't even mention them now, I just have to roll my eyes at the new baby next to at the pool or the pregnant mommy showing off her bump in the bikini. Good for them. Than I sort of say a little prayer that they don't go thru what I did and than I wonder if they have already been thru it and that sort of makes me sad & happy, yay good for them & pray another prayer for me! :) 

It's totally normal. And really, if you have to shut yourself down to help get over it...than do so....that's ok....maybe you need a little medical help? Maybe you need a therapist? Maybe you just need to shut down the social media traps & become a hermit for a while? It really just depends on you. Each person does something differently in their healing. It's a lifelong come to terms with it slowly....and there will always be triggers of course, but you learn to cope with each one. 

This place is great for the "vent" when you need it! :) 

by Amy on Jun. 14, 2014 at 6:58 PM
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((hugs)) I am so sorry for your losses hun.  Everything your feeling is normal and all part of the grief process. And don't feel guilty for grieving because a loss is a loss no matter how far along you were.

by Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 9:41 AM
I find it normal. I don't so much have an issue with my friends or strangers as I do with family getting pregnant. It may sound completely irrational, but there were some scathing remarks made at a wedding last year of my stepsister and then she compounded it asking for ttc advice when she was already pregnant and lead the conversation with my lady miscarriage. I can't find myself to be an ounce happy for her.
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