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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Getting Pregnant After Miscarriage: things that may cause anxiety.

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:58 AM
  • 34 Replies
1 mom liked this

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As much as we all want our Rainbows, getting pregnant after loss can cause a lot of anxiety. Do you struggle with any of these things? What would you add?

http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/getting-pregnant-after-a-miscarriage-7-things-im-anxious-about/

I’m Ready to Try Again, But I Do Have Concerns:
Miscarriage changes everything!

Miscarrying Again:
While I keep trying to tell myself that the likelihood of lightning striking twice is rare, I still can't help but be concerned that I'll lose my next pregnancy too

Comparing This Pregnancy to my Last:
I loved being pregnant. Absolutely loved it. It helped that it was picture perfect up until my loss at 17 weeks. This next go-round, I'm worried that I'll compare every little difference, taking away the special-ness of my next pregnancy.
Photo is of me, three days before my water broke and I lost my twins at 17 weeks, 1 day.

What it will feel like beyond the date of my last miscarriage:
I breezed through the first trimester with ease, so I'm feeling pretty good about getting through that period again. But I'm nervous about what it will feel like to hit 17 weeks, which is when I lost my twins, and whether I'll feel less anxious after that or if I'll worry my entire pregnancy. I'm also worried that I'll be so preoccupied with "making it through" this pregnancy, that I'll forget to enjoy it.

Wearing the Same Maternity Clothes:
It will be strange to put on the same maternity clothes that I wore during my last pregnancy. I remember how weird it felt to put on the sweater I wore to the hospital when I lost my twins for the first time again. I wonder if wearing these maternity clothes again will feel similar to that.

Guilt:
I can't help but feel a little as though getting pregnant again means I've forgotten about my twins. Moving on as right as I know it is is hard.

Increased Drs Appts:
Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a fan of doctors. This fertility journey and all the appointments, procedures, and medications have put me a bit out of my comfort zone, but I know it's what I must do. And because of my second-trimester pregnancy loss, this next pregnancy will be deemed high risk so I'll have appointments at my fertility center until week 11, then a 12-week appointment at my regular OB, then a 15-week appointment, a 17-week appointment, a 20-week appointment, and then an appointment once a week, every week, until the baby is born.

Attachment Issues:
My biggest fear is that I'll have a hard time connecting with this pregnancy out of the fear that I might lose the baby again.







by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:11 AM
I would add to this list, announcing pregnancy. Not even ttc, but if we became pregnant, that would be something that would make me nervous. There is no going back, and you no longer can have privacy if the worst happened.
Dannimarie418
by Danielle on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:32 PM
That's what I was going to say. I know I'll be excited and wanna tell everyone close to me. But I'm not going to because I'm afraid that if I tell people early on again, that I'll lose the baby. Kinda like bad luck.... I've always heard it's bad luck to tell people while in your first trimester. And now I'm gonna agree after 2 back to back recent losses. :/ plus after the miscarriage hubby told everyone cause I REFUSED to talk to anyone besides text my BFF

Quoting Angela4boys: I would add to this list, announcing pregnancy. Not even ttc, but if we became pregnant, that would be something that would make me nervous. There is no going back, and you no longer can have privacy if the worst happened.
akrogers13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 1:31 PM
I was going to say this.. we hadn't announced it to the world but everyone in our family knew and even closer friends... I hate the "pitty" looks and the wanna-be comfort comments that hurt worse than help...

New pregnancy, New out come.....

I lost a second pregnancy right after the first.. not sure why I want to keep trekking along, but I just had my second period since my second mc.... first official month ttc and the emotions of it taking 15mo ttc with our son came flooding in and I turned psycho biznatch on the world...... it is much harder than I thought, emotionally... it was as simple as a thought with my last two pregnancies and I lost both... I feel like if I conceive again real quick I'll lose it too, but I also don't want to wait forever to add more love to our family.... may bed a few more months to just take life add it is before ttc again...

Quoting Angela4boys: I would add to this list, announcing pregnancy. Not even ttc, but if we became pregnant, that would be something that would make me nervous. There is no going back, and you no longer can have privacy if the worst happened.
Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 16, 2014 at 1:33 PM
2 moms liked this
Yea. I always waited until after my first tri...with Avery I waited until 14 weeks, only to lose him 2 weeks later. If i happened to become pregnant, I'd probably wait until the kid is in college ;)

Quoting Dannimarie418: That's what I was going to say. I know I'll be excited and wanna tell everyone close to me. But I'm not going to because I'm afraid that if I tell people early on again, that I'll lose the baby. Kinda like bad luck.... I've always heard it's bad luck to tell people while in your first trimester. And now I'm gonna agree after 2 back to back recent losses. :/ plus after the miscarriage hubby told everyone cause I REFUSED to talk to anyone besides text my BFF

Quoting Angela4boys: I would add to this list, announcing pregnancy. Not even ttc, but if we became pregnant, that would be something that would make me nervous. There is no going back, and you no longer can have privacy if the worst happened.
lovebugs_mom906
by Lisa on Jun. 16, 2014 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I struggled with many of those things, and still do at times. I was afraid to announce, and held off until my mom flat out asked me if I was pregnant (apparently everyone knew without me saying a word lol). I avoided the u/s monitors like the plague because that's how I discovered my last baby had died. The weeks between 17-19 were brutal. I replayed everything from my last pregnancy, and compared it to this pregnancy. I used my doppler daily, if not more sometimes becuase hearing that heartbeat was the only thing that kept me sane. When I started buying clothes, I was drawn to the same type of clothes I had found for my son who died, and I felt guilty. 

The biggest thing I have struggled with is feeling excited about this baby and missing my angel. They are contridictary feelings, and its hard to allow myself to feel both. In order to have this baby, I had to lose my last. If I get happy and excited about this baby, does it take away from my angel? If I miss my angel too much, does it take away from the love I have for this baby? These are the things I have struggled with. In some ways, I think if one of the baby's had been a girl, it may not have been so difficult. I wouldn't feel like I was comparing them, or replacing the one that I lost. I don't know. Just some of the random thoughts from my head.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:09 PM
And that's ok to take that time if you're not ready yet. It's hard to constantly be conflicted between wanting a baby, and being scared :(

Quoting akrogers13: I was going to say this.. we hadn't announced it to the world but everyone in our family knew and even closer friends... I hate the "pitty" looks and the wanna-be comfort comments that hurt worse than help...

New pregnancy, New out come.....

I lost a second pregnancy right after the first.. not sure why I want to keep trekking along, but I just had my second period since my second mc.... first official month ttc and the emotions of it taking 15mo ttc with our son came flooding in and I turned psycho biznatch on the world...... it is much harder than I thought, emotionally... it was as simple as a thought with my last two pregnancies and I lost both... I feel like if I conceive again real quick I'll lose it too, but I also don't want to wait forever to add more love to our family.... may bed a few more months to just take life add it is before ttc again...

Quoting Angela4boys: I would add to this list, announcing pregnancy. Not even ttc, but if we became pregnant, that would be something that would make me nervous. There is no going back, and you no longer can have privacy if the worst happened.
stcy79
by Stacey on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:21 PM
I can see all those fears in my future im sure. If I ever get prego 1st! I will probably tell all when it happens, even if I where to loose another I want people to know a life excised.
Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:21 PM
2 moms liked this
(((Hugs))). I don't think you're going your angel any disservice by getting excited about this baby. Jealousy, sibling rivalry, favoritism...are only earthly feelings, not existing in heaven. Your angel knows nothing but pure love and peace.

And on the flip side it's perfectly normal to miss your angel. Grief is a raw, human emotion. Having more kids doesn't replace the ones that came before. Each love is unique to that child...

Miscarriage really does change everything. (((Hugs)))


Quoting lovebugs_mom906:

I struggled with many of those things, and still do at times. I was afraid to announce, and held off until my mom flat out asked me if I was pregnant (apparently everyone knew without me saying a word lol). I avoided the u/s monitors like the plague because that's how I discovered my last baby had died. The weeks between 17-19 were brutal. I replayed everything from my last pregnancy, and compared it to this pregnancy. I used my doppler daily, if not more sometimes becuase hearing that heartbeat was the only thing that kept me sane. When I started buying clothes, I was drawn to the same type of clothes I had found for my son who died, and I felt guilty. 

The biggest thing I have struggled with is feeling excited about this baby and missing my angel. They are contridictary feelings, and its hard to allow myself to feel both. In order to have this baby, I had to lose my last. If I get happy and excited about this baby, does it take away from my angel? If I miss my angel too much, does it take away from the love I have for this baby? These are the things I have struggled with. In some ways, I think if one of the baby's had been a girl, it may not have been so difficult. I wouldn't feel like I was comparing them, or replacing the one that I lost. I don't know. Just some of the random thoughts from my head.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:25 PM
And I think that's a good thing.

I had often thought about if I had only known I was going to lose Avery, I wouldn't have announced...truth is though, I would have needed the support regardless.

The next loss, nobody knew and I actually have experienced guilt about it. By preserving myself, and craving privacy...I feel like I compromised by not giving that baby's life the respect it deserves.


Quoting stcy79: I can see all those fears in my future im sure. If I ever get prego 1st! I will probably tell all when it happens, even if I where to loose another I want people to know a life excised.
stcy79
by Stacey on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:31 PM
I dont think u did wrong by ur baby. Everyone is different and u did what u needed to get through a terrible time in ur life. You can still tell people and all of us on here know you have a special angel in heaven.

Quoting Angela4boys: And I think that's a good thing.

I had often thought about if I had only known I was going to lose Avery, I wouldn't have announced...truth is though, I would have needed the support regardless.

The next loss, nobody knew and I actually have experienced guilt about it. By preserving myself, and craving privacy...I feel like I compromised by not giving that baby's life the respect it deserves.


Quoting stcy79: I can see all those fears in my future im sure. If I ever get prego 1st! I will probably tell all when it happens, even if I where to loose another I want people to know a life excised.
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