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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

I can't figure out how to handle this

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2014 at 6:21 AM
  • 9 Replies
He could've been here by now, or Sunday or a little after, but there will be no tiny boy named Amir in my arms. I will have no firsts to show him as he grows. I never thought that I could long for someone so much. My rainbow, I am afraid to name, to speak to, to acknowledge. It feels cruel, not like a gift at all. Neither was expected but the former accepted. This one just scares me. I keep praying the stick was wrong, the urine test was wrong, the blood test was wrong! That my period will come. I know better. If it does, it will mean that I have failed to nurture life once again. That I have wished for the death of my child, who I considered very briefly an "option". I have told no one. Not even the father who is no longer in the picture. I am lost. I have prayed, but I can't say anything past "help me". I want to love this child. I want my heart to melt for him/her (them?). I just needed to vent, but comments and advice are always accepted. Thankyou in advance.
by on Jun. 20, 2014 at 6:21 AM
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Replies (1-9):
LadyHawk_13
by Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 10:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Keep a journal for the angel you lost do something to remember them even if it is as simple as lighting a candle. I lost our twin girls at almost 21 weeks in November an though 5/28 I found out I am pregnant again I'm scared. But you can't walk around stressing all the time as hard as that may sound. Keep a journal for this child as well or even just one for yourself it may help.
akrogers13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I'mn so sorry for your loss! :-( what you are feeling right now is completely valid. But remember, New pregnancy, New outcome. This little baby needs just as much love.

I had two losses earlier this year and planted a garden for them with a bunch of random bulbs and forget me nots.
angelsinmyheart
by Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 7:49 PM


Quoting LadyHawk_13: Keep a journal for the angel you lost do something to remember them even if it is as simple as lighting a candle. I lost our twin girls at almost 21 weeks in November an though 5/28 I found out I am pregnant again I'm scared. But you can't walk around stressing all the time as hard as that may sound. Keep a journal for this child as well or even just one for yourself it may help.
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry for your losses. How are you handling being pregnant again? It feels like I'm replacing my little one, when in reality neither one was expected. I want to love this baby so badly, beyond the situation and beyond circumstances. I planted flowers yesterday.


blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jun. 20, 2014 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this

 *hugs* It's okay to be afraid that this baby won't stay either.  But try to take it day by day.  And think of small milestones to look forward to and count up too.  Like 8 weeks is usually the first appt, about 11/12 weeks the first appt you hear the heart beat.  That helped me during my rainbow pregnancy.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 22, 2014 at 8:31 AM
((Hugs)). Losing a baby changes everything!
angelsinmyheart
by Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 9:06 AM
Quoting Angela4boys: ((Hugs)). Losing a baby changes everything!

Yes it does! I'm not a big proprietor of fear,but here it is.
Angela4boys
by Angela on Jun. 22, 2014 at 9:16 AM
1 mom liked this
I can completely relate. I'm a very calm, level headed person...but since my losses, I have been very anxious, and can't keep it in check. It's miserable!

Quoting angelsinmyheart:
Quoting Angela4boys: ((Hugs)). Losing a baby changes everything!

Yes it does! I'm not a big proprietor of fear,but here it is.
LadyHawk_13
by Member on Jun. 30, 2014 at 2:00 PM
1 mom liked this
It doesn't feel like I am replacing our daughters because I love them as much if not more being pregnant again. An as many things that bring tears to my eyes because it was different or the same with my 7 year old or the twins. I see it as a blessing as well because its an extra reminder till my first appointment that this child is growing as they should. As a mother you have enough room in your heart for every one of your children no matter if they are with you physically or in spirit each one is unique so u can't replace one with another.

Quoting angelsinmyheart:

Quoting LadyHawk_13: Keep a journal for the angel you lost do something to remember them even if it is as simple as lighting a candle. I lost our twin girls at almost 21 weeks in November an though 5/28 I found out I am pregnant again I'm scared. But you can't walk around stressing all the time as hard as that may sound. Keep a journal for this child as well or even just one for yourself it may help.
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry for your losses. How are you handling being pregnant again? It feels like I'm replacing my little one, when in reality neither one was expected. I want to love this baby so badly, beyond the situation and beyond circumstances. I planted flowers yesterday.

angelsinmyheart
by Member on Jun. 30, 2014 at 5:59 PM
It just seems so soon and such a shock. Trying to stay positive while grieving the loss of a child and growing another is hard.
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