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*Trigger* Her abortion was a choice my miscarraige was not

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 6:16 PM
  • 26 Replies

My friend calls me to elicit sympathy because she decided to have yet another abortion because she can't handle another baby right now but she is feeling guilty. Well, she is.  I am usually very compassionate, but this is the same (explative) that told me that at least she wasn't sad all of the time like me.  She also said that I should have moved on by now because it has been months. ???  Why she feels that her loss is greater I have no idea. She is in pain. but you canot compare the 2. The feelings are also different. Most of us (who naturally miscarry) wanted our babies, we bonded, even in early pregnancy. She obviously didn't bond, didn't want to, never planned for the future. She didn't welcome the breast tenderness, the moring sickness or anticipate the first sonogram, heartbeat and swollen belly. She said it felt like a curse to even be pregnant. I wish that I didn't hurt so much or cry so much. I wish that I didn't feel sad when I see baby boys, even my own grandson. I wish that it never happened, that I could go so far back that me and his father never made love. That he had told me that the condom came off and I had taken the MAP sooner. I never would have known this pain again. I am however glad to have known that I still have infinite love. I don't mean to lessen her pain. Ijs the cause is not the same. Sorry for the rant.

by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 6:16 PM
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ambcortez
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 6:25 PM
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I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It's hard when a friend tries to sympathize with her abortion story. When I miscarried, that's exactly what one of my friends tried to do. It is NOT the same at all. To say "If it helps, I had to abort because I couldn't afford another" is just mean. Neither could I, but I wanted that baby.

You don't ever move on. You cope, but the sadness is still there. It doesn't go away, even on good days.

Amber1225
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 6:30 PM
2 moms liked this
She should blame herself for any pain or remorse she is feeling! The day I left the hospital from losing my second angel and my second Fallopian tube rendering me unable to naturally have children , I found out my former childhood friend, my two godsons mom, was pregnant yet again. She had an abortion not even six months before and was and still in multiple run ins with child services bc my godsons are being neglected and abused! I was livid and had to cut ties with my second family I've known almost my entire life. I lost my beautiful godsons I helped raise for te first two years of their life until they moved and my two closest friends and second parents. I am sorry your going through this. And so sorry for your loss. There is no time limit on mourning the loss of a baby. She should have been more sensitive to you. Tell her how you're feeling and then i would just stay clear of her for a while. I just hate that the women who seem most undeserving to get pregnant are the most fertile. It breaks my heart to see women abuse their children, kill or neglect them when there are soo many women who would give everything for a child of their own. The only shot I have at having a child is to pay 7000-13000 for a chance at IVF working and here these hoes are getting pregnant left and right and not knowing the baby's dad or aborting the baby or having the child and resenting it and abusing it.
stcy79
by Stacey on Jun. 29, 2014 at 6:39 PM
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Im sorry. I know ur supposed to hate the sin not the sinner but people like ur friend make it hard!  I am very against abortion, i wish it was illegal everywhere. I know women would still find a way but it would be a lot less getting it done.... She probably does feel guilty, but I feel that she deserves it!  It is NOT the same!!!!! I would of done anything to keep my baby and she did the opposite and killed hers! Its just so sad.......

Our angel was born to heaven on 1/10/2014 at 14wks 3days.

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Jun. 29, 2014 at 11:38 PM
1 mom liked this

*hugs* your right it is not the same at all. 

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:25 AM
1 mom liked this
Not the same at all in most of our cases.

What is MAP?
mss119
by Member on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this
The morning after pill, another name for plan b contraception.

Op, I'm sorry your friend is dense enough to believe your situations are at all similar. Nobody can tell you how much is "too much"when it comes to grieving and the pain it brings. Hugs, mama.


Quoting iSMILEheCRIES: Not the same at all in most of our cases.

What is MAP?
FutureCooper118
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 1:03 PM
1 mom liked this

 Aw, hun. Completely understand where you are coming from. When you are going through such a loss and have so much pain it's hard for close loved ones to fully understand that it's not something that goes away as fast as it happens. It's one of my biggest pet peeves when on the rare chance I want to talk about the MC the person compares it to their own or someone they knows abortion. Our bodies might have gone through something similar but it's in no way the same. They say abortions leave the person feeling relieved.. I never once felt relieved and it's been 3 years. People can say the worst things some times. =[

MsDenuninani
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 1:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm really sorry that she doesn't get that.  It seems to me like it should be obvious, but I guess she doesn't know what it feels like to want a child.

echupko
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 1:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry...
hrl6530
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 1:41 PM
Morning after pill

Quoting iSMILEheCRIES: Not the same at all in most of our cases.

What is MAP?
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