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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Your Trigger?

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2014 at 7:55 AM
  • 33 Replies

After loss we all pretty much experience things that trigger us back into our grief and saddeness.  What triggers you?  Have you learned to cope with it?  What do you do to help get past or make the trigger not as bad?

by on Jul. 10, 2014 at 7:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 10, 2014 at 8:02 AM

 Ever since we lost Isabelle my trigger is little girls.  Mainly seeing little girls around the age Isabelle would be (right now about 2 yrs old).  And definitely little girl clothes especially around the holidays!  She was our only girl so it hurts knowing I can never get her any cute dresses and hair bows and braid her hair. 

Also when people found out their having a baby girl.  Not so much too many friends but mainly if family does.  Because Isabelle was the first Granddaughter and Great Granddaughter on my husband's side.  I'm afraid they will forget Isabelle was/is the first girl.

What helps me honestly is to just cry sometimes and have DH hug and hold me.  And hug and hold my boys.  Especially my oldest reminds me of Isabelle so much.  She had the same long thin fingers as him.

chicaespana2003
by Steph on Jul. 10, 2014 at 8:27 AM

Some triggers I have are certian songs, some pregnant women, and unavoidable conversations.

Most songs, I just turn down, change the channel or go someplace else in the house to do a chore (if I'm in the house).

My neighbors pregnancy has pained me the most, and some of the posts on fb from preg friends hurt- I try to avoid them if at all possible. But then, what some may consider strange (maybe), is that I'm okay with my SIL's pregnancy (her first), and I'm perfectly okay with loss momma pregnancies- I know how much it means to them and they need all the positive vibes they can get!

Some conversations you just can't avoid, and trying to change the topic may be difficult, and you hate to be rude and just walk away.

All with time and the "dawn of trying again" have made things better, but to what extent is unknown.

echupko
by Group Mod-Elizabeth on Jul. 10, 2014 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this
It used to be little girls for me. Now it's comments from people saying "oh took you 4x to get your girl" or "kept trying till you got a girl"

NO. We had a daughter. We lost her. I also feel like its rude to say that in front on my boys!

My oldest is very quick to say he has a sister in heaven too. Shuts people up real fast. People just don't think about things before they open their mouth...

I also still get upset about pregnancies from people who "don't deserve it" You know the type I'm taking about.
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 10, 2014 at 12:24 PM

 It's not strange.  Some friends and family bother me and others don't.  And there is no rhyme or reason to it.

Quoting chicaespana2003:

Some triggers I have are certian songs, some pregnant women, and unavoidable conversations.

Most songs, I just turn down, change the channel or go someplace else in the house to do a chore (if I'm in the house).

My neighbors pregnancy has pained me the most, and some of the posts on fb from preg friends hurt- I try to avoid them if at all possible. But then, what some may consider strange (maybe), is that I'm okay with my SIL's pregnancy (her first), and I'm perfectly okay with loss momma pregnancies- I know how much it means to them and they need all the positive vibes they can get!

Some conversations you just can't avoid, and trying to change the topic may be difficult, and you hate to be rude and just walk away.

All with time and the "dawn of trying again" have made things better, but to what extent is unknown.

 

blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 10, 2014 at 12:25 PM

 Ugh! that would really bother me too!  Good for your oldest for shutting those people up.  Maybe some one them will learn not to assume!  Yes I know the type.

Quoting echupko: It used to be little girls for me. Now it's comments from people saying "oh took you 4x to get your girl" or "kept trying till you got a girl" NO. We had a daughter. We lost her. I also feel like its rude to say that in front on my boys! My oldest is very quick to say he has a sister in heaven too. Shuts people up real fast. People just don't think about things before they open their mouth... I also still get upset about pregnancies from people who "don't deserve it" You know the type I'm taking about.

 

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Jul. 10, 2014 at 4:14 PM

These days it's just random things that might take me back to the day I lost my angel. But for the longest time after my loss anytime I would be on base (my dh was in the Navy at the time) I would tear up as soon as I got through the gates because the OB clinic on base was where I got the initial news that I was loosing my baby.

Dannimarie418
by Danielle on Jul. 10, 2014 at 6:44 PM
Pregnant women, or pregnant women or women with children that "don't deserve it". That really gets me. I'm struggling to get my first and some people pop them out healthy like nothing and don't appreciate what they have!
That I kinda just look away and keep walking.

Certain Songs... I try to turn them off but usually I just sit and cry when I hear it. Changing won't make my thought go away.

My nephew :( my sil and I got pregnant my wedding weekend in October. I lost my baby , she had hers 2 weeks ago. :/ holding him is so bitter sweet. I love him and happy he's a healthy little baby but I can't stop the why me??? It's been 7/8 months now. And her and my nephew are still my biggest triggers.

TV shows or movies of pregnant women. But just like the songs I don't change it. I force myself to see it I guess. Kinda like a therapy to make me get through it. To make me get used to the fact the other women will go on to have babies.
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 10, 2014 at 6:46 PM

 Sometimes random sucks because your not expecting it. 

Quoting cali_angel_girl:

These days it's just random things that might take me back to the day I lost my angel. But for the longest time after my loss anytime I would be on base (my dh was in the Navy at the time) I would tear up as soon as I got through the gates because the OB clinic on base was where I got the initial news that I was loosing my baby.

 

blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 10, 2014 at 6:51 PM

 *hugs*  It is frustrating when people don't realize the gift they have of having healthy children.  I bet it is very bitter sweet.  I can't imagine having a family member have a baby close to the due date of your angel baby.  Just remember you don't have to push yourself and it is okay to say it is too much.

Quoting Dannimarie418: Pregnant women, or pregnant women or women with children that "don't deserve it". That really gets me. I'm struggling to get my first and some people pop them out healthy like nothing and don't appreciate what they have! That I kinda just look away and keep walking. Certain Songs... I try to turn them off but usually I just sit and cry when I hear it. Changing won't make my thought go away. My nephew :( my sil and I got pregnant my wedding weekend in October. I lost my baby , she had hers 2 weeks ago. :/ holding him is so bitter sweet. I love him and happy he's a healthy little baby but I can't stop the why me??? It's been 7/8 months now. And her and my nephew are still my biggest triggers. TV shows or movies of pregnant women. But just like the songs I don't change it. I force myself to see it I guess. Kinda like a therapy to make me get through it. To make me get used to the fact the other women will go on to have babies.

 

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2014 at 7:01 PM
That's great your son says that.

Oh and I know "those" people


Quoting echupko: It used to be little girls for me. Now it's comments from people saying "oh took you 4x to get your girl" or "kept trying till you got a girl"

NO. We had a daughter. We lost her. I also feel like its rude to say that in front on my boys!

My oldest is very quick to say he has a sister in heaven too. Shuts people up real fast. People just don't think about things before they open their mouth...

I also still get upset about pregnancies from people who "don't deserve it" You know the type I'm taking about.
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