Yesterday my BIL to be welcomed their little girl.
I wasn't sure how the day would go but I was thankful I was able to be apart of the waiting and anticipation and then finally meeting her.
Still not as attached as I would have thought but once again, my own deamonds in my own time.
As some of you know I've been trying to track down my medical history regarding my missed miscarriage and it came the night before the baby was born.
"Multiple red brown soft tissue fragments measuring 6.5 6.0 X 1.3 CM. No fetal parts grossly seen."
fragments. What an awful word. What a perfect word.
a 22 year old females fragments of what should have been xeroxed copied and mailed in a vanilla envelope.
Upon searching I was upset to see that my levels were never checked. They tested for RH which was fine but how can you not check levels? Make sure they're dropping? I wish I had known then what I know now. I would have insisted. I would have asked for more time before giving up. I also looked and saw that my LMP was mid March and my last U/S was 4/26 with baby measuring at 6 weeks... so I was only 1 week off with development when they were making it sound like I was 10 weeks measuring at 6.
There's a part of me that says let it go. It's over. There's no going back and no changing. But I can't help but battle with it being some kind of mistake.
All I kept sobbing was "I'm so sorry, baby"
My poor DF came home from work and just held me.