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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Fragments[trigger maybe]

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 12:51 PM
  • 9 Replies

 Yesterday my BIL to be welcomed their little girl.
I wasn't sure how the day would go but I was thankful I was able to be apart of the waiting and anticipation and then finally meeting her.
Still not as attached as I would have thought but once again, my own deamonds in my own time.


As some of you know I've been trying to track down my medical history regarding my missed miscarriage and it came the night before the baby was born.
How strange...

"Multiple red brown soft tissue fragments measuring 6.5 6.0 X 1.3 CM. No fetal parts grossly seen."

fragments. What an awful word. What a perfect word.
a 22 year old females fragments of what should have been xeroxed copied and mailed in a vanilla envelope.

Upon searching I was upset to see that my levels were never checked. They tested for RH which was fine but how can you not check levels? Make sure they're dropping? I wish I had known then what I know now. I would have insisted. I would have asked for more time before giving up. I also looked and saw that my LMP was mid March and my last U/S was 4/26 with baby measuring at 6 weeks... so I was only 1 week off with development when they were making it sound like I was 10 weeks measuring at 6.

There's a part of me that says let it go. It's over. There's no going back and no changing. But I can't help but battle with it being some kind of mistake.

All I kept sobbing was "I'm so sorry, baby"
My poor DF came home from work and just held me.

by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 12:51 PM
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Replies (1-9):
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 12, 2014 at 2:14 PM
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 I've learned to never read your medical records.  Even with my healthy pregnancies and births my medical records made me VERY ANGRY!  Doctor's are just arrogant and ignorant!  And I know it is also hard not to let go what you read as well.  But don't play the what if game hon, I know it is hard to keep it in the past but you just have to let it go.  That was hardest for me with my 2nd son's birth because it was so traumatic and the doctors lied on the records but it was only harming me mentally to hang on to it.  We just have to move forward even though it is difficult to.  *hugs*

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Yeah there's no going back and hind sight is 20/30. But dang the docs should have taken better care of you. I am so sorry
KarenM42
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this
This may not make you feel better, but something that you wrote was exactly what I needed and brought me a great amount of peace. Thank you.

I agree with the other ladies. We all "what if" and it gets us no where. You did the best you could at the time with the information you had. I was told that at 6 weeks they should see a heartbeat, no question. Even if the dates were off, a baby measuring 6 weeks should have had a heartbeat and didn't. Yes, you could have waited but I think the outcome would have been the same. Hugs, mama.
Amber1225
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I went to my obgyn (2 different ones) both times only weeks before I lost both babies and was told there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and the first time she tried shoving BC on me thankfully I didn't take since I was pregnant at the time but lost it two weeks later and the second time the doctor treated me as if I was just trying to get pain pills saying she wasn't gonna do anythin at all for me bc period cramps aren't that bad and ill be over it in a few days. Smh. If I would've had the money for lawsuits I would've sued the crap out of both doctors. I have yet to get my medical records from my pregnancy losses, I don't have any pictures and am afraid I will be to devastated after seeing them. There's nothing more you could've done, don't blame yourself or your doctors. I know its hard to hear and to read and its okay to still be grieving. Doctors don't know everything and try their hardest to do what's best for you. I'm so sorry you're goin through this. Hugs!!
nmartin15
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 10:16 PM

hugs girlie. i hated reading any records from my losses. just the terms they use for miscarriages angers me. but i also wanted to congratulate you on being able to be there for that birth! yes you have your demons to deal with but good for you to be okay with the anticiaption and waiting for that little girl. And its okay you werent attached right away, that will come with time. the fact that you were able to be there and be okay shows you are dealing with those demons and getting better about that little girl. even if the mom is psycho lol. hugs!

FutureCooper118
by Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 12:26 PM

 Completely agree. Much easier said than done but certainly something I recognize needs work. I was insisting on my medical records since I have a history of Endometriosis and having my own copy is much easier than tracking down doctors every time I have to find a new specialist.  The words they use are awful and the part that made me actually laugh out loud was my psychological evaluation was that I was alert, not depressed, present, etc. when I had left my post op visit completely a mess. Part of the reason I stopped seeing this lady. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement!

Quoting blessedmommie07:

 I've learned to never read your medical records.  Even with my healthy pregnancies and births my medical records made me VERY ANGRY!  Doctor's are just arrogant and ignorant!  And I know it is also hard not to let go what you read as well.  But don't play the what if game hon, I know it is hard to keep it in the past but you just have to let it go.  That was hardest for me with my 2nd son's birth because it was so traumatic and the doctors lied on the records but it was only harming me mentally to hang on to it.  We just have to move forward even though it is difficult to.  *hugs*

 

FutureCooper118
by Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 12:29 PM

 I love that-- hind sight is 20/30. This lady was maddening. She actually left me in my paper gown for over an hour waiting to be seen and when she finally came in she admitted she thought I was the following day and "forgot" I was there. They also never gave me a pregnancy test at my post op visit despite not being on BC and being in a relationship which I thought was pretty standard. For obvious reasons I stopped going to her and she never received a dime more.

Quoting iSMILEheCRIES: Yeah there's no going back and hind sight is 20/30. But dang the docs should have taken better care of you. I am so sorry

 

FutureCooper118
by Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 12:30 PM

 That actually means more than you know!!

The what if's are def. the worst part. Thank you for your kind words and understanding!

Quoting KarenM42: This may not make you feel better, but something that you wrote was exactly what I needed and brought me a great amount of peace. Thank you. I agree with the other ladies. We all "what if" and it gets us no where. You did the best you could at the time with the information you had. I was told that at 6 weeks they should see a heartbeat, no question. Even if the dates were off, a baby measuring 6 weeks should have had a heartbeat and didn't. Yes, you could have waited but I think the outcome would have been the same. Hugs, mama.

 

FutureCooper118
by Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 12:33 PM

Sounds like you had some winners yourself! Some times I really wonder how these people made it through medical school and are practicing. I think there was just a part of me secretly hoping there was a mistake.. but upon further looking and research I think you're right, they did what they think was best. And I ultimately decided on the surgery for a "clean cut" from the loss I just don't feel at the time I was given ALL the information. Thank you for your understanding and kind words. 

Quoting Amber1225: I went to my obgyn (2 different ones) both times only weeks before I lost both babies and was told there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and the first time she tried shoving BC on me thankfully I didn't take since I was pregnant at the time but lost it two weeks later and the second time the doctor treated me as if I was just trying to get pain pills saying she wasn't gonna do anythin at all for me bc period cramps aren't that bad and ill be over it in a few days. Smh. If I would've had the money for lawsuits I would've sued the crap out of both doctors. I have yet to get my medical records from my pregnancy losses, I don't have any pictures and am afraid I will be to devastated after seeing them. There's nothing more you could've done, don't blame yourself or your doctors. I know its hard to hear and to read and its okay to still be grieving. Doctors don't know everything and try their hardest to do what's best for you. I'm so sorry you're goin through this. Hugs!!

 

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