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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

What it looks like, when God plans your family.

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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(I just wanted to share this blog post. I relate so much with her. My first loss came at the point that I surrendered to leaving things up to God when it came to family size...how ironic is that?! Then two losses, at least, following. I struggle with the same that she describes. This wasn't the life I pictured, I love my children and feel grateful for them, still trusting God, and yet struggling to surrender. Oh the conflict and term oil!). ~Angela. What are some of your conflicts?


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What does it look like to Let God Plan Your Family ?

You might be thinking this is a post about birth control, or natural family planning, something like that.

It’s not.

It’s not about the merits of big families (although there are many).

No, this is a post about being surprised (disappointed, even?) by God. It’s about coming to grips with a family picture that doesn’t quite look like you thought it would.

I grew up in the most wonderful family.

(Picture in blog at the link that follows)

Here we are. (I’m on the left.) Three girls, baby brother. All 22.25 months apart. A healthy, loving, perfectly perfect family.

I figured, hey, that sounds good. Four kids. Five, even? We’ll see. Mostly girls, as I figured they’re the ones who stick around through adulthood with the cooking questions,motherhood issues, and trips to the mall.

It was a perfect plan. (My plan.)

When I say I was shocked five months in to hear, “It’s a boy,” I mean…I was shocked. I literally cried in the parking lot of the doctor’s office. What was I going to do? I knew nothing about boys.

I remember telling my husband in my completely over-dramatized pregnant self, “Well, now you can’t ever go and die, because how in the world am I going to raise a boy?”

Of course, I loved Sam the minute we locked eyes. I cannot imagine my life without Sam. (Besides, I secretly figured we had plenty more chances for a girl.)

And then we had Ty. Another boy.

Sure, it was different than I pictured. I was throwing footballs and admiring garbage trucks a tad more than expected. But how could I really complain? Life was different, but still wonderful.


And then I had a miscarriage.

And then two months later I had another miscarriage. A horrible, scary one, with surgery, and too many is-this-really-happening kinds of moments.

And here, six months later – here I am, with two rapidly aging boys (who I love with my whole self).

And I wonder.

Is this it?

What if it is?

And it’s then that I realize I’ve been holding this gift of motherhood with more like clenched fists. It’s not a receiving of a gift, it’s a demand of the heart. It’s not an honored calling, but another way for me to get what I want out of life.

God. I. Want.

God, it wasn’t supposed to look like this.

Maybe you can relate. If you long for children, I hope that you can forgive my selfish, insensitive complaining. Yes, I have two children, and for that I should be (and am) incredibly grateful.

But the point is, I’ve learned something we share…

Whether we have more kids, or fewer kids than we “always imagined.” Whether they have special needs we never anticipated. (I’ve been there, too.) Whether we have twins unexpected, or only one, late in life.

Whether we’re not married at all.

The challenge is the same.

Release our clenched fists on life. Release them to our Father.
Accept the new gift He has given us.
Truth is, I’m a hypocrite for even writing this. I struggle daily to surrender to my Loving Father.

Lord, help us. Have mercy on us as we struggle to trust and obey. Remind us how big, wise and loving you are. Remind us that your plans are good and faithful. We love you.

Amen.

Jessica

http://www.thebettermom.com/2013/12/26/looks-like-let-god-plan-family/
by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CDW75
by Candi on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:53 AM
Thank you for sharing Angela!!

I struggled a lot yesterday, DD's 10th birthday. MY plan was for her to be a big sister by now. DH and I talked for a long time last night about "letting go & letting God!" Surrendering is so hard, but sooo necessary!

This is going on my mirror!
"Lord, help us. Have mercy on us as we struggle to trust and obey. Remind us how big, wise and loving you are. Remind us that your plans are good and faithful. We love you."
Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 18, 2014 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Happy Birthday to your Beautiful Daughter :)

Surrendering is hard!!!! It's exhausting, lol! Have you ever seen Evan Almighty? With Steve Carell and Morgan Freeman? There is this scene, where Morgan Freeman says, "when you pray for patience, does God give it to you, or does god give you opportunities to be patient." I think of that a lot. We all want things served to us on a platter, all pretty...but in life we are given so many opportunities, it's what we do with the opportunities. (As you can see my overthinking ;)


Quoting CDW75: Thank you for sharing Angela!!

I struggled a lot yesterday, DD's 10th birthday. MY plan was for her to be a big sister by now. DH and I talked for a long time last night about "letting go & letting God!" Surrendering is so hard, but sooo necessary!

This is going on my mirror!
"Lord, help us. Have mercy on us as we struggle to trust and obey. Remind us how big, wise and loving you are. Remind us that your plans are good and faithful. We love you."
stcy79
by Stacey on Jul. 18, 2014 at 6:53 PM

I have been struggling with this lately. Praying every day some x's a few x's a day for God to help me with my ttc struggle. I want to let it go and be ok if God says Im done. I do think he's working on me, I can just feel a difference, so hope I dont take 1 step forward 2 steps back on this. I want to move on, put all my attention into the 2 blessings God has already given me......... I even see my angel as a blessing these days, when Im done being a mommy in this world I get to do it even better in heaven.

Our angel was born to heaven on 1/10/2014 at 14wks 3days.

dj_kern
by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 6:59 PM

Oh boy am i struggleing with surrendering right now.  When hubby gives me a time frame of when we will stop, surrendering is so much harder.  I am trying really hard to let God take control.

Turtledoves
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:06 AM

I struggle with this as well.  Mostly because I adore my family, but I still have this problem where I think "but my life would have been so different had my angel baby been here". I always wanted two little girls, one after the other. I was SO excited to get pregnant when my daughter was only 15 months old, because it was so ideal. I saw these two adorable sisters leaving their danceclass one day, hand in hand with tutus on and skipping down the side walk to their daddy and I was like "wow, that's everything I've ever wanted. I can't wait for that." And then we lost our baby girl I was pregnant with, and it shook me so hard. That dance class is down my street, I still see those two little girls, but now it makes me cry. I have a wonderful rainbow son, and I can't imagine life without him. I would never trade my current life with him...but sometimes, especially around her due date and the day we lost her, I think "my life would have been completely different. Elizabeth would have been a year old and into everything pink and princessy and best friends with her big sister." And it's SO hard sometimes to not let that "would have been" life pull me down into my grief again.

echupko
by Group Mod-Elizabeth on Jul. 19, 2014 at 6:45 AM
1 mom liked this
Loved this. Thanks for sharing
iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 11:25 AM
Thanks for sharing. I wish I could leave it up to God, but in this case I think even God is telling me to make my own path. I feel like His hand is in it but that the ball is in my court.
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jul. 20, 2014 at 6:04 PM

Nice blog. Thanks for sharing :)

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:38 AM
I feel the same way! As horrible as my losses were, I wouldn't take them away if it meant not having them. One day... We will be together again.

Quoting stcy79:

I have been struggling with this lately. Praying every day some x's a few x's a day for God to help me with my ttc struggle. I want to let it go and be ok if God says Im done. I do think he's working on me, I can just feel a difference, so hope I dont take 1 step forward 2 steps back on this. I want to move on, put all my attention into the 2 blessings God has already given me......... I even see my angel as a blessing these days, when Im done being a mommy in this world I get to do it even better in heaven.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree, working against that time frame is counter productive to leaving life in Gods hands. Maybe pray God works on your husband, to be open to Gods will and Gods time. You shouldn't have to worry that some made up date is your deadline (((hugs)))

Quoting dj_kern:

Oh boy am i struggleing with surrendering right now.  When hubby gives me a time frame of when we will stop, surrendering is so much harder.  I am trying really hard to let God take control.

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