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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Books for children

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 5:55 PM
  • 8 Replies

Does anyone know of any loss/miscarriage books that are appropriate for a 4 year old? I am currently 14 1/2 weeks pregnant and just found out our baby has Trisomy 18. She has also developed hydrops. The doctors don't think it will be too long before she passes. If not now, she will eventually. We are devastated and I know my 4 year old will be also. She is so excited about the baby coming and we are really wanting to be prepared for when it passes. I also have an almost 2 year old but I don't think she has a clue what is going on.

I researched online and found a couple of cute books about the baby passing but couldn't see inside any to tell if they were actually any good or just cute covers and titles..

Thanks in advance.

by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 5:55 PM
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Replies (1-8):
echupko
by Group Mod-Elizabeth on Aug. 30, 2014 at 7:01 PM
I don't know any books but I'm sure done one else will.

I'm so very sorry. Hugs and prayers
blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Aug. 30, 2014 at 8:08 PM

I'm so sorry. my toe boys were just about the same age when we found out our daughter had a fatal birth defect called Anencephaly and would pass shortly after birth if she even made it that long. We found out at 11 weeks and carried her to 38 weeks where she was born sleeping. We used the books "Something Happened" and "We were going to have a baby but had an angel instead."  They especially helped my 4 yr old at the time. Those are the only two books I used and we loved them but I know there is a few more good books I can look up if you like. Also you can message me if you want to talk. I know are situations are different but it is similar as both are babies had a condition that is incompatible with life. It's been over two years since she passed but I'm always here to support other moms.

.sp4rkl3z.
by Bronze Member on Aug. 31, 2014 at 5:19 PM
When our son died in 2011 I looked for books but almost all that I found were very religious in nature so wouldn't work for us. I kind of just answered questions as they arose, being realistic with my oldest even though he was unfamiliar with the finality of death. You could look up the way 4 year olds deal with grief as well, and how to explain it to a 4 year old. She will likely ask questions, sometimes out of the blue. And be prepared for her to tell strangers her sister died. It can be shocking the first time they tell someone, at least in my experience...well, it still is, even though I'll gladly talk about my son and my miscarriages, I don't always want to talk about it to the person he just told! My son was 2 when his brother died of SIDS, 4 when I miscarried the first baby and 5 when I lost the baby in January so he had had to deal with a lot of grief
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iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Aug. 31, 2014 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know any books, but both the other ladies gave good insight. Also, for you I would consider things you can do (like hand and foot molds) when the time comes. My daughter passed at 19 weeks and I didn't know I wanted some of these things. Also look up Lay Me Down to Sleep photography. Sorry I know it's not what you asked but you are in the unique (sad) position where you can plan some memories.... Many of us look back and wish someone would have told us we would have wanted those memories. ^^^ Blessedmommie can give you great insight on these things
maybebaby83
by New Member on Sep. 2, 2014 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you. I believe those were the two I was able to find online but wasn't sure what the inside was like. Glad to know someone who actually read them thought they were good. My local library actually has one of the 2 books, so I requested a copy. At least that way I can read it before I buy it.

Thanks so much.

Quoting blessedmommie07:

I'm so sorry. my toe boys were just about the same age when we found out our daughter had a fatal birth defect called Anencephaly and would pass shortly after birth if she even made it that long. We found out at 11 weeks and carried her to 38 weeks where she was born sleeping. We used the books "Something Happened" and "We were going to have a baby but had an angel instead."  They especially helped my 4 yr old at the time. Those are the only two books I used and we loved them but I know there is a few more good books I can look up if you like. Also you can message me if you want to talk. I know are situations are different but it is similar as both are babies had a condition that is incompatible with life. It's been over two years since she passed but I'm always here to support other moms.


maybebaby83
by New Member on Sep. 2, 2014 at 10:10 PM

Well I'm glad I got that warning b/c I would not have expected that. She does love to tell people I have a baby in my belly. It used to make me so happy to hear how excited she was,now it is just heartbreaking to hear her happily tell everyone.

Quoting .sp4rkl3z.: When our son died in 2011 I looked for books but almost all that I found were very religious in nature so wouldn't work for us. I kind of just answered questions as they arose, being realistic with my oldest even though he was unfamiliar with the finality of death. You could look up the way 4 year olds deal with grief as well, and how to explain it to a 4 year old. She will likely ask questions, sometimes out of the blue. And be prepared for her to tell strangers her sister died. It can be shocking the first time they tell someone, at least in my experience...well, it still is, even though I'll gladly talk about my son and my miscarriages, I don't always want to talk about it to the person he just told! My son was 2 when his brother died of SIDS, 4 when I miscarried the first baby and 5 when I lost the baby in January so he had had to deal with a lot of grief


blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Sep. 2, 2014 at 11:46 PM

Oh yes they will be very put spoken and blunt about it. It's just how kids are. People would ask if I was having a girl or a boy and my oldest 4/5 at the time would say "it's a girl but she's gonna die." Or my personal favorite "it's a girl and she is sick so we aren't going to keep her." Sometimes it was really hard not to laugh because he shocked people so abruptly with his words. Still does and he is 7 now. A month or so ago (we have a rainbow boy now) someone said how we have are hands full with 3 boys and if we are going to try for a girl. My oldest looked at her and said we do have a sister she is in Heaven. 

Quoting maybebaby83:

Well I'm glad I got that warning b/c I would not have expected that. She does love to tell people I have a baby in my belly. It used to make me so happy to hear how excited she was,now it is just heartbreaking to hear her happily tell everyone.

Quoting .sp4rkl3z.: When our son died in 2011 I looked for books but almost all that I found were very religious in nature so wouldn't work for us. I kind of just answered questions as they arose, being realistic with my oldest even though he was unfamiliar with the finality of death. You could look up the way 4 year olds deal with grief as well, and how to explain it to a 4 year old. She will likely ask questions, sometimes out of the blue. And be prepared for her to tell strangers her sister died. It can be shocking the first time they tell someone, at least in my experience...well, it still is, even though I'll gladly talk about my son and my miscarriages, I don't always want to talk about it to the person he just told! My son was 2 when his brother died of SIDS, 4 when I miscarried the first baby and 5 when I lost the baby in January so he had had to deal with a lot of grief


Nerys-Kianna
by Member on Sep. 2, 2014 at 11:59 PM

I am so sorry.
I don't know of any books. When I lost mc #5 in February 3 years ago, my kids saw me being crushed, devastated and crying. They asked and I told them, their baby brother or baby sister isn't gonna grow and be born, that it died and will leave me. They asked why. I didn't know how to explain it at the beginning. I usually always have a candle lit and the idea to use a candle as a symbol came up. So, I created the "Candle of life". I told them the candle is imaginary and starts burning, when life is created. Sometimes, the candle burns faster than usual, that means, that person will die faster or in this case, the baby will never be born, cuz the candle light got blown out, before the time was up.
I told them, sometimes the candle burns for a very long time and that person will grow old. They accepted that as a lesson and as their great grandma died last year, they simply asked me if her candle of life got blown out.

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