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need some advice please

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 7:37 AM
  • 8 Replies

I lost my baby two weeks ago, due to a missed miscarrage, my partner has a one year old son with another woman, since I lost our baby I can't be around his little boy, I feel horrible for it, but I just wonder if my baby would look like his son and how we should of been a family, has any one else been in a similar situation and how did you deal with it? 

by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 7:37 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Nicole_2007
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:21 AM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry for your loss. I haven't delt with that one. I hope someone on here can give you some good advice. It will be hard on you and its ok to grieve for your loss.
Angela4boys
by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:23 AM
1 mom liked this
I haven't been in that situation, but I can see it happen. I wish I had some advice. ((Hugs)). I am very sorry for your loss.
angelsmum1611
by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:32 AM

I think it is harder for me as he his still only a baby, and we only have him one day a week, so we don't see him enough as it is, I feel horrible because I can't be around him with out breaking down and my partner doesn't really understand that it is hard for me, that one of his baby's is here but OUR baby isn't. (I know that may sound horrible) 

Angela4boys
by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this
That doesn't sound horrible to me at all. Even not being in your situation, I can imagine that's how it would feel. Nobody understands the physiologicsl impact of losing your baby until you've been through it...I don't think any woman here would fault you for those feelings.

Quoting angelsmum1611:

I think it is harder for me as he his still only a baby, and we only have him one day a week, so we don't see him enough as it is, I feel horrible because I can't be around him with out breaking down and my partner doesn't really understand that it is hard for me, that one of his baby's is here but OUR baby isn't. (I know that may sound horrible) 

angelsmum1611
by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:50 AM

It is a lot harder than I thought it would be that's for sure, I've never had anyone I know lose a baby before and I'm only 19 so i don't know how to explain to family or my partner how I'm feeling, I feel like they just don't get it because they haven't had this loss before, sure they're going threw it with me, but it's just not the same.

i do love my partners little boy, but it's so hard, and I know it's not his fault that this happened so I shouldn't make him miss out on our family time together.

Quoting Angela4boys: That doesn't sound horrible to me at all. Even not being in your situation, I can imagine that's how it would feel. Nobody understands the physiologicsl impact of losing your baby until you've been through it...I don't think any woman here would fault you for those feelings.
Quoting angelsmum1611:

I think it is harder for me as he his still only a baby, and we only have him one day a week, so we don't see him enough as it is, I feel horrible because I can't be around him with out breaking down and my partner doesn't really understand that it is hard for me, that one of his baby's is here but OUR baby isn't. (I know that may sound horrible) 


Angela4boys
by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 9:43 AM
The thing is...your age really doesn't have anything to do with their understanding. I'm 37, and can articulate my feelings just fine, just as im sure you can...and unless someone has first hand knowledge of a loss, they just can't grasp the magnitude.

It seems to me you're a very level headed thinker, and you're sensitive to your significant other, and his son...that's important. You just can't help but have these feelings. We all really do. Most every woman in this group will tell you that seeing pregnant women, pregnancy announcements, ultrasound pictures, belly shots, cute squishy babies...it tears their heart out. It's a very thin line between happy for them, sad for us, kind of thing. So what you wrote in your post makes perfect sense to me. It's having those feelings for an extended period of time, one day every week...then spending the week trying to recover, before it happens again.

Obvious that relationship is important. Notmally my advice is to distance yourself while you are new in your grief...but in your case, I'm not sure that advice is best...obviously you need to build a relationship with what I'm assuming that you are hoping to be your step son at some point (im a step mom too...so I know that relationship is important).


Quoting angelsmum1611:

It is a lot harder than I thought it would be that's for sure, I've never had anyone I know lose a baby before and I'm only 19 so i don't know how to explain to family or my partner how I'm feeling, I feel like they just don't get it because they haven't had this loss before, sure they're going threw it with me, but it's just not the same.

i do love my partners little boy, but it's so hard, and I know it's not his fault that this happened so I shouldn't make him miss out on our family time together.

Quoting Angela4boys: That doesn't sound horrible to me at all. Even not being in your situation, I can imagine that's how it would feel. Nobody understands the physiologicsl impact of losing your baby until you've been through it...I don't think any woman here would fault you for those feelings.

Quoting angelsmum1611:

I think it is harder for me as he his still only a baby, and we only have him one day a week, so we don't see him enough as it is, I feel horrible because I can't be around him with out breaking down and my partner doesn't really understand that it is hard for me, that one of his baby's is here but OUR baby isn't. (I know that may sound horrible) 

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Dec. 4, 2014 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

*hugs* I'm sorry for your loss.

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on Dec. 4, 2014 at 10:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Not horrible at all. No matter how much you love that little boy he will never be your baby to raise from birth until forever. And you lost your sweet baby. Your SO may have a hard time understanding 1) because men just grieve differently than women and 2) because he is raising his son on a limited schedule so he may not deep down know what he could be missing with a baby that lives with him full time. I hope that makes sense, I feel like I'm not saying it right. But regardless it's ok for you to take a short break from that little boy. Just to clear your head and find your new normal.

Quoting angelsmum1611:

I think it is harder for me as he his still only a baby, and we only have him one day a week, so we don't see him enough as it is, I feel horrible because I can't be around him with out breaking down and my partner doesn't really understand that it is hard for me, that one of his baby's is here but OUR baby isn't. (I know that may sound horrible) 

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