Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

New here....

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 8:31 PM
  • 6 Replies

I've been a member of CM for a little while. I was pregnant with my first, estimated to be due on August 8th. Unfortunately, things were not meant to work out that way. I don't want to get into the full story, but yesterday morning I woke up with spotting that progressed to full bleeding as the day went on. After a trip to the ER and several hours later, I was informed that I had a missed miscarriage. I was 10 weeks 4 days, but my baby died at 8 weeks 5 days. 


I don't know how I feel. I felt so resentful towards the world at that moment. I felt like I hated God... hated everyone. I hurt so bad and felt like I was in a terrible dream when the doctor leaned in to tell me what was happening. I hated myself. I couldn't understand what would make this happen or why. I felt horrified knowing that my baby was still inside me, not living. 

My feelings haven't changed much in the past 24 hours. I've been in bed. Crying on and off. Feeling empty. I came home to have the rest of my miscarriage, which the bulk of it happened pretty quickly...I was up all night in terrible pain, letting things take the course. I spent the day cancelling and making appointments...throwing out baby paperwork, still not feeling like this was real. Apart of me just feels gone. 

I have no family around here. My dad lives 1,000 miles away. I was so excited to have a baby and have a little family of my own. I felt like I was about to have importance.

Apparently not.

I don't know... that was my first time around and it was a terrifying experience. I don't even know if I can bring myself to ever want another child at this point. I don't even think I could handle this happening again because I can barely handle it now. I've never cried so much in my life. 

I guess that's it. Sorry my thoughts are everywhere, I just sort of feel out of it. 

by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 8:31 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
kiki719
by Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 8:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Norml to feel like that hope you feel better
RubyDoobie
by on Jan. 15, 2015 at 1:24 PM
1 mom liked this

You'll feel better over time. And if you want to be a mommy, you can be. Think of it as a life experience, to gain strength and appreciation for what's to come. I had two miscarriages before having my daughter, and another one since. My perspective has changed over time and today, I feel happy.

Give yourself time and be kind to yourself :-)

RubyDoobie
by on Jan. 15, 2015 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

and ps. I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Jan. 15, 2015 at 2:06 PM
1 mom liked this

((hugs)) I am sorry for your loss hun.  And I am sorry your don't have any family around to help you through the greiving process but just no you're not alone because we've all experianced the heartbreak your going through right now.

ladyscuttle
by on Jan. 15, 2015 at 3:22 PM

Thanks girls. I don't know... today I felt a little better. I actually haven't cried yet, but almost felt like it. I just take a deep breath and tell myself, "You're fine." 

I managed to get up and workout in my house. I put on some kickboxing cardio videos to really punch of the stress. Did some yoga afterwards.

I don't feel like eating. 

My SO saged our room and I last night. Sounds weird, but we're into some spiritual things like that. Sage is supposed to ward off negative vibes and emotions. He lit the sage and traveled it back and forth from my body. I don't know if it was a placebo affect or what, but I felt a little better after. I plan on saging the room while I meditate tonight, which I know will bring on some strong feelings... but I'm prepared for it. 

I managed to sleep more last night. I just tried to get up and get some things done around the house. My phone has been turned off all day. I didn't really want to talk to anyone. 

blessedmommie07
by Desiree-admin on Jan. 23, 2015 at 12:49 PM

 *hugs*  I'm so sorry for your loss.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)