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what the?

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 2:00 PM
  • 8 Replies
Today has been messing. Lots of clots and of course blood. I've had my moments where I wonder if my baby is still there. I've cried some today. Especially when I think about my Angel babies. But I still can't shake the idea that this baby is going to be fine. I absolutely know I might be crazy. But no matter how I look at it. Even my chemical pregnancy was more physically painful than this. My boobs go from.totally normal to hard and painful. I still get very nauseous through out the day. I know that could just be residual hormones. I know the science. I know the odds. I have had mild cramps, but nothing even like my period. I know my bleeding almost goes away, then comes back full force. But I've never had to change my pad (I do, because it's gross not to.change it... I mean it's sitting in my crouch for heaven's sake) but the blood flow has never been so heavy I had to change it. Not like my miscarriage. Plus I have my very dark bfp from yesterday. All spells hope to me.
My other really weird thing is this, and I'm ashamed to say it. I'm not attached to this baby. I can truly say, if I lose it, I won't be destroyed. I feel like if I let myself believe I will hold my baby someday, I'm letting myself be opened up to heartbreak. So somehow. Even with.All that had happened, I have protected myself from connecting to it. I have never done that with any of my pregnancies. I wonder. If I do managed to hold on to it, will I love it like I love my boys?
by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 2:00 PM
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Replies (1-8):
chicaespana2003
by Steph on Feb. 23, 2015 at 2:16 PM

I can't say anything in regards to how you feel, as that is how you are dealing with everything- it is your own kind of "peace".

I know that clots are just blood that has coagulated while sitting in your vagina, and when given the opportunity to escape they are clots.

I'm still praying for you and the baby.

Peregrine
by Carrie on Feb. 23, 2015 at 2:19 PM
Wait... really? About the clots? I'm only asking because I know there is a pool of "fluid" in my uterus. Maybe that's what I'm dealing with.

Thank you so much for your prayers. We need them so much.


Quoting chicaespana2003:

I can't say anything in regards to how you feel, as that is how you are dealing with everything- it is your own kind of "peace".

I know that clots are just blood that has coagulated while sitting in your vagina, and when given the opportunity to escape they are clots.

I'm still praying for you and the baby.

chicaespana2003
by Steph on Feb. 23, 2015 at 2:48 PM

If you are sitting or laying down for a (long) period of time, then your blood will clot/coagulate within the vagina.

That was explained to me by a nurse when I was having large clots pass on my cycles. I had gotten really concerned because I passed one that basically was a playing card in my hand. After the nurse had asked me if I were sitting or laying down for a period of time, and when I would have them the most (morning to early noon).

The nurse had suggested that with an impending af I could take advil to help reduce the amount of blood loss (wierd to think about this too, because it is a blood thinner, and thus the faster the blood flows, the less likely to loose so much)- but, this doesn't help because you are preg (and for me at the time I didn't want to take advil because I was ttc, although I would pop on after I had a neg test and was already flowin').

Taken from WebMD (I know, who really trusts all these sites...):

"
Your body typically releases anticoagulants to keep menstrual blood from clotting as it's being released. But when your period is heavy and blood is being rapidly expelled, there's not enough time for anticoagulants to work. That enables clots to form."

I'm assuming (bad thing, but maybe good) that it is basically doing the same thing while preg. If no anticoagulants are released, your pooling blood and other stuff will  gel.

My disclaimer: I am not a dr, if need be, talk with a nurse or other medical professional to ensure that what part of information I'm passing along is 75% true.

Quoting Peregrine: Wait... really? About the clots? I'm only asking because I know there is a pool of "fluid" in my uterus. Maybe that's what I'm dealing with. Thank you so much for your prayers. We need them so much.
Quoting chicaespana2003:

I can't say anything in regards to how you feel, as that is how you are dealing with everything- it is your own kind of "peace".

I know that clots are just blood that has coagulated while sitting in your vagina, and when given the opportunity to escape they are clots.

I'm still praying for you and the baby.


chicaespana2003
by Steph on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:04 PM

I went back and tried to read your other 'daily posts' to try and collect data (not date) and my thoughts.

I remember you went to the ER because of things, and they saw a blood clot in your cervix, yet when you were released your cervix was closed.

Your bleeding seems to be spontaneous, yet not very productive (based on this post- nothing on the pad, and you change it to keep things clean).

-I isn't implantation bleeding, because why would you keep bleeding?

-When they did the sono, did they see any cysts? Perhaps you keep having some of them burst. (I read somewhere someone had cysts that were causing issues- forgot who it was)

-I'm not sure if you are being good about your pelvic rest- going to not ask for info, but if you are "playing around" perhaps, something is being aggrivated.

-Then there is the possiblity that there is a pool of blood under the baby's placenta and it is being relased bit by bit and driving you absolutly bonkers.

So many possible therories, and who knows what is true. Only way to know is when you see your dr in March. You could aways get that one preg test that tells you what range your hcg is in while you wait.

akrogers13
by Alli on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:26 PM
When they did an u/s did they say anything about a subchorionic hemorrhage? I ask because I had one with my first and last losses which is what they originally thought my bleeding wass From..
zqsprink
by Susie on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:43 PM

This sounds so frightening. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that everything turns out ok for you! Don't be ashamed about not being attached to your baby. It is perfectly normal after all of your losses to be too afraid of getting close and setting yourself up for more heartbreak. It is good to have these protective barriers. I have no doubt that no matter what happens you love this baby and if you are able to carry him/her to term, you will just as an amazing mom to him/her as you are with your other boys. People feel attached to their babies when they are ready. I have a friend (who is a great mom) that told me she honestly didn't fall in love with her daughter until she was 6 months old. She felt like an awful person because of it. But she had come from a pretty painful past and that's just how long it took for her to drop her guards and open her heart. Definitely don't be ashamed of that!

Peregrine
by Carrie on Feb. 23, 2015 at 4:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes- I have a few cysts in cervix.
I'm being very good about the pelvic rest. No stimulation in any way.
I did take rhe clb digital with date estimator, but it got to 3+ and that's had far has it goes.

Please forgive the abrupt tone in this response, I'm walking and texting to a meeting.

Bleeding has slowed way down again. No new clots, in more than 3 hours. Just pink when I wipe.


Quoting chicaespana2003:

I went back and tried to read your other 'daily posts' to try and collect data (not date) and my thoughts.

I remember you went to the ER because of things, and they saw a blood clot in your cervix, yet when you were released your cervix was closed.

Your bleeding seems to be spontaneous, yet not very productive (based on this post- nothing on the pad, and you change it to keep things clean).

-I isn't implantation bleeding, because why would you keep bleeding?

-When they did the sono, did they see any cysts? Perhaps you keep having some of them burst. (I read somewhere someone had cysts that were causing issues- forgot who it was)

-I'm not sure if you are being good about your pelvic rest- going to not ask for info, but if you are "playing around" perhaps, something is being aggrivated.

-Then there is the possiblity that there is a pool of blood under the baby's placenta and it is being relased bit by bit and driving you absolutly bonkers.

So many possible therories, and who knows what is true. Only way to know is when you see your dr in March. You could aways get that one preg test that tells you what range your hcg is in while you wait.

ddmalott
by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 5:44 PM

I am short on time and didn't read the replays so if it has all ready been said sorry.  I am sorry for all the craziness you are going through and I will keep praying for you. But as far as attachment to the baby goes I had a really hard time getting attached to my DD when I was pregnant with her. I think it was because I normally have "morning sickness" everyday all day for the whole pregancy and with her I was almost never sick. So a part of me felt like I wasn't really pregnant. However as soon as I had her all that changed. We have all ways really clicked since she was born. For me she is actually easier to love then her sister who I did bone with while pregnant. That may seem odd but it just seems like big sis can push all my buttons in about 2 seconds, while it takes longer for my younger one. What is odd is it is the opposit for my DH.  So to answer your question I think you will be able to love the baby just as much as your boys. 

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