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When to tell your loved ones

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2015 at 2:55 PM
  • 4 Replies

I am somewhere between 5 and 6 weeks pregnant and am torn about when to tell our family . With my son I told the sister I'm closest to around 6 weeks and then the rest of my family after I had my first ultrasound around 8 or 9 weeks. 

When I had my miscarriage last summer at 9 weeks, I never ended up telling my family. I was actually visting with my parents and the sister I'm closest to when I started miscarrying. We had planned to tell them that weekend but when I started bleeding I decided to wait until my Dr. appt later that week instead. So once I lost the baby, it was just too hard to bring it up. I had told a couple close friends, but my family is pretty big so it's tough to tell one and not all of them and that is more daunting.

In some ways I want to tell them so if I do have another miscarriage, I won't feel as alone this time. I also feel like I can't tell them about this pregnancy without telling them about my miscarriage. Mostly because I need them to understand why I'm not excited.

Beyond my family, I don't feel like there will ever be a "safe" time to announce it. Two of my best friends are pregnant and I want to be excited about the prospect of raising our little ones together, but I still can't get over the sadness of the little one that should have been with us in December and the fear that this will end in another loss. I also had bought a big brother shirt for my son to announce and remember being so excited when I got it and picked it out in his favorite color. I just can't even fathom that kind of announcement this time.

by on Feb. 27, 2015 at 2:55 PM
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by Steph on Feb. 27, 2015 at 5:30 PM

Like you noted, we are in the same boat (I'm 5 wk 3 days lmp).

Perhaps it depends on other things that have happened in the past to see if your family would be more supportive, especially if you were to mention that you had a mc, but never shared because you weren't ready at the time.

I have some people where dd goes to play with other kids, and they keep asking if I'm pregnant- and one knows that I won't tell until I'm ready- so I dread going there.

Plus seeing how I posted something similar- I'm waiting for other ideas too.

Perhaps sending a photo of a bun (or roll) in an oven would break the ice. My SIL did that, and I didn't understand because the photo was small- I thought it was a baked potato and she was showing off their toaster oven- yes, I am blonde (err was, I was a toehead blonde but am now browned hair- blonde roots stick).

by Member on Feb. 28, 2015 at 3:05 PM
The is nothing wrong about anytime you choose to tell. Like you said you could receive more support if people know. But sometimes it's hard to blurt it out too. If you feel "ready" go for it.
by Susie on Mar. 1, 2015 at 4:34 PM

I ended up telling one of my best friend's yesterday. She is expecting a baby in June and her and her husband had both been told they couldn't have kids, so I think she really understood how I'm feeling. Too afraid to be excited. It definitely helped a lot to tell her and to know I have her in my corner no matter what. I also had a talk with my husband where I think he is finally understanding where I am at as well, which definitely helps me feel less alone in this.

by Desiree-admin on Mar. 2, 2015 at 8:45 PM
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 Share if you need to.  We waited to tell our family about our rainbow until 11 weeks but that is because we have a abnormality/genetic scan we were waiting for.  We were going to tell them after that scan whether we had good or bad news again, thankfully it was good news that our rainbow was healthy.

I like support and people knowing why I'm upset.  I'm also a very honest, open and at times blunt person so I would tell as soon as I could or wanted to.  Your right there really is no "safe" time so just tell when your ready.  *hugs*

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