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Am I wrong for this?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 9:13 PM
  • 10 Replies
Back story: I lost 2 pregnancies last year, the last one was 6 months ago.

Ok so here's the situation. One of my cousins is 3 months pregnant with baby #3 and her 2nd isn't a year old yet. I am happy for her but it's very difficult to hear about her pregnancy all the time. I called her and politely asked if she would leave me out of the texts of sonogram pictures, and that I don't want to come to the party her in laws are throwing for the new baby. She said that I was being rude and unreasonable. She said that I needed to be supportive of her and that as family I should be there to help her celebrate. She said that I needed to "get over myself" and that I was just trying to start drama. The cake topper is that she intentionally sent me sonogram pictures in a text message today. Am I being unreasonable? Am I wrong to ask not to be included in things that bring me pain? Should I just suck it up and go, even though I know I won't be able to enjoy myself and will have to excuse myself frequently as to not cause a scene? I think it would be better for me to not go then end up having a melt down. Thoughts? Advice?
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 9:13 PM
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by Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 9:26 PM
That would be a lot to handle. If it was just FB I would hide her from my feed. But she is pushing it farther with the texts, especially after you asked her to stop. I think if I were in your shoes I would block her number from your phone. You are not being unreasonable IMO. And I would skip the baby party.
by Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 10:13 PM
I plan on skipping the party. It's hard because me and my cousins were raised like siblings. I love her dearly but I'm so frustrated with the way she's acting. It's like she's more important than me because she's pregnant and I'm not. It's just a mess.
by Member on Mar. 5, 2015 at 10:00 AM
It's not unreasonable. And"to get over yourself" people just don't understand sometimes what it means to lose a baby. My pastor told me we are complicated people, we can have many emotions at once and that's OK. That really helped me when I wad happy yet sad for a pregnant friend.
by Desiree-admin on Mar. 5, 2015 at 10:29 AM

 *hugs*  I'm sorry.  She is full of herself.  Yes she can be happy but to rub it in your face is rude.  She is your cousin not your sister.  You can distance yourself from her.  I would also block her number on your phone and delete her on facebook until she can respect that you have feelings too.  Ugh I would be so mad. 

by Member on Mar. 5, 2015 at 1:51 PM
I'm pretty pissed at this point. Thanks for the advice.
by Alli on Mar. 5, 2015 at 4:50 PM

no, your feelings are completely valid and in this case it sounds like your cousin is being ignorant.. i would ignore any messages you get from her.. have you told her why? that you've gone through two losses?or just that you dont want to be included? i thank god i have family that understand my situation... dont let anyone how you are supposed to feel after losing two babies.. i'm so sorry for your losses.. i went thru three losses last year and my last one was about 7 months ago..

by Member on Mar. 5, 2015 at 5:44 PM
I've been very open with my family about our losses. We're a pretty tight knit family and we usually ban together and support each other is good times and bad. But my cousin, for some unknown reason, just doesn't know how this feels. I'm grateful she doesn't understand what I'm going through but I wish she'd just respect my wishes and let me grieve without trying to make me feel worse.
by on Mar. 7, 2015 at 2:08 AM
I'm sorry for your losses :(

You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. Your cousin is being obnoxious and insensitive, deliberately it seems. If possible, block her number for now. You shouldn't have to put up with that behavior while you're grieving.

My sil was pregnant a few weeks before me when I miscarried. Babies were all she wanted to talk about. It was upsetting to hear about. I didn't attend her baby shower. My nephew was about 8 months old before I could even hold him without bursting into tears.
by Member on Mar. 7, 2015 at 9:19 AM
Update: my god mother tried to talk to my cousin about this situation. My god mother knows how I feel. She lost 2 babies in between her surviving children. Basically my cousin said that she would continue to send whatever she wanted to whomever she wanted. She felt like it wasn't fair for us to limit who she could and couldn't talk to. So she's been blocked on all social media and her number has been blocked. I explained why in a long email before I blocked her. I'm sure this will cause more drama but I no longer care if it bothers her.
by Member on Mar. 7, 2015 at 5:36 PM
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this while also trying to grieve for a second lost angel. I understand that people who have never felt the loss can not fully comprehend the feeling but she is being completely unreasonable and quite honestly childish. So sorry for your pain
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