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Can't seem to be really happy anymore

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2017 at 7:26 PM
  • 1 Replies

I am 33yrs old, I have been pregnant 5 times since I was young I have lost every pregnancy due to having bizaar blood type. My most recent miscarriage was almost three years ago in Janurary I was three months along (which is seems to be the longest I can stay pregnant) for two years my fiance and I have been struggling to get pregnant again with no results so back in August of this year I went into a fertility clinic to see what was going wrong with me (my fiance went to his) I found out that I am now infertial that destroied my thinking that I am one day going to be a mother that one day I will carry a child to full term and hold them in my arms and dedicate my whole life to them, I couldn't believe when I heard the doctor tell me that I won't get to have that option I felt like my world fell apart I knew for a long time that something was wrong why I wasn't getting pregnant anymore but to be told that I don't get to be a mother crushed my spirit, I told my family what was going on some felt sorry others wanted more answers that I couldn't bring myself to say, my mother even though she is completely aware of my situation still makes comments about how her kids ( I have two younger brothers) won't give her anymore grandchildren (she has a grandson by one of my brothers) to other family members at family functions or parties, I have withdrew myself from those I couldn't take hearing my own mother say these things behind my back it was like being stabbed over and over again knowing that I am struggling to except the truth and carry on with my life, lately I have been feeling the stinging pain in my heart and soul from missing my angel children even though I never got to hold anyone of them or raise them or be the mother I wanted to be, I can't forget any of them cause they are carried in my heart and soul but lately I can't seem to smile or even fake being happy anymore all my loses are coming to the surface even though for over 11yrs I have been keeping my feelings to myself and fighting every tear that comes to my eyes, I am not expecting any replies I just never talked about this to anyone because no one in my family has had any miscarriages so I have no one to talk to about these feelings so I thought this might help me.

by on Dec. 20, 2017 at 7:26 PM
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Replies (1-1):
MichelleLZ
by Member on Dec. 21, 2017 at 6:04 PM
I’m sorry for your losses and what you’re going through right now. It may be time to sit your mom down and let her know she needs to stop saying those things because it really upsets you. Have you thought about adoption? It’ not for everyone but it does offer you an opportunity to be a mother. I hope things get better for you. Hugs
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