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Hi ! My story - parents took my daughter away.

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:43 AM
  • 4 Replies

Thank you so much for allowing me in. I have to admit I do feel strange being
here since my issues aren't as severe as what most of you have been through.
But after going to 4 therapists, numerous depression meds & countless horrible
relationships I had to realize that something was a little 'off'.

I'm currently going through a legal matter that has become the cherry on top of
the manipulation that I have been putting up with for years with my parents.
Funny thing, I never thought about it until I came across the book Toxic Parents
that I put it all together. I was actually crying and reading!

My parents (who are now in their 70's) have always worked as a tag-team when it
came to me. Just when you thought the verbal assaults from my step-dad were
done, then came the silent treatments and manipulation by my mom. Their latest
'project' started 10yrs ago with my little girl that I had adopted from Romania.
She was 3yrs old at the time and came with numerous issues. I was working 12hr
shifts at the time and couldn't attend to all of her needs so I turned to my
parents hoping they would just help. Well lo & behold this was their chance to
prove how much better of parents they were and how I was a miserable failure.

Little by little they started alienating me from her. I would go to pick her up
at 3am when I got off shift & they would say "oh, it's too late, just leave her
here and let her sleep." or if I was going shopping it was, "oh, it's too hard
to shop with a 3yr old, just leave her here." After a while my daughter stopped
coming home with me and I ended up at their house every waking minute just so I
could have time with her. She stopped listening to me and only to them, if I
would put up a fight they would toss me out of the house - without my daughter.
They would refuse to answer the phone until I agreed to "be nicer to them." My
daughter would throw herself on the lawn and cry hysterically if I did try to
take her home with me. It was so heart wrenching to want a child so bad that
didn't want me! My parents retired and moved to Arizona and asked if they could
take my daughter with them. I know it was the biggest mistake ever to say yes
but I did. I let them take over because she was having issues at school almost
every day (she stabbed a kid in the head with scissors for jumping ahead of her
in line!) At the same time I fell apart emotionally, lost my home, my job &
downsized had to a condo that wasn't family friendly.

Fast forward 5yrs and I finally met the man of my life and we were quickly
pregnant with our 1st child. Everything had evened out, nice home, stable job,
etc. I told my parents that I was allowed a 6month maternity leave and would
love to have my daughter back home to witness her brother's birth. My mother
flew into hysterics and told me "absolutely not." I told her that I was still
her mother, we argued and they left. I was 5 months pregnant when they served
me with custody papers for my daughter. I begged, pleaded, cried to no avail.
They were determined to drag me (with preeclampsia) into 115 degree Arizona heat
to take custody of my daughter. I eventually talked them into joint custody -
50/50 parenting.

Well, it's been 5yrs and I have yet to have one visitation with my daughter. My
parents deny any request, if not them - then their lawyer. They've served me
with papers to stay away from my daughter/her school. If they 'allow' me to see
her, the visit is always supervised. My daughter now tells me that she has
"memories" that I used to "beat her", that I "verbally abused and neglected
her". None are true - how can you abuse someone you've never been around??
Just last month my parents served me with Termination of Parental Rights. I'm
so broken and sad, it's ruining my marriage, my family, my life. I have to let
go of a daughter that I loved so much and my parents. Who like it or not are my
parents. . .

Thank you so much for letting me share. It's helped, but I'm back to crying
again so I have to stop for now. Look forward to getting to know all of you.

Lisa K.

by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:43 AM
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Replies (1-4):
poshkat
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:45 AM

thats horrible!! im sorry you went through such a hard time.

lcat
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 3:09 PM

Parents can be a bigger problem than we see.  How sad your parents did this to you.

We expect our parents to be loyal and help us at all costs, but not all parents have this in them.  It is sad and unfortunate that your Mother and Father have forgotten they are what is called Grandparents.

You do not want this to ruin you marriage and life you have built, that will mean your parents have succeeded in recking your life all over, again.  Please try to get someone to talk to professionally, and save your marriage and the life you have now.  Make sure that you really think long and hard about this.  It sounds like you have a new good life and you need to concentrate on that, not only the fact that you can't see your daughter.

I really hope you get someone to talk to before everything is gone.

Linda

Sadly to say, you may have to face the fact, that you will never get your daughter back.  But you, don't want to lose your husband, and life with your other child. 

Xantho
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 5:20 PM

 Welcome to the group and also major *hugs*

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope that you can find help through this group and I also hope that maybe some day you can work things out with your parents and daughter.

Jillysmom
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 5:31 PM

((Hugs)), So much for your story is my own. Keep you chin up and as hard as it is your might need to focus on what you can control.. your life now. Do know there is a good chance when she gets older she will come to you. My dd was 21 when I saw her for the first time again and our relationship couldn't be stronger now.

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