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i feel like an odd man out

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:44 AM
  • 11 Replies

i feel like an odd man out in every depression/bi-polar group i join. i am under the care of an excellent doctor, i take my meds and they work perfectly, i have no severe ups and down anymore, i feel just fine.  i know that i will never try suicide again, after seeing the aftermath of it 2 years ago. it was horrible. i just feel like im fine, and when i go to support groups i feel more depressed after like i shouldnt be there or other peoples stories bring me down. i tend to stay away from other bi-polars and depressed people becuase i dont want to be brought down. i feel like such a traitor to people who have the same illiness as me. i want to help them, and tell them "look!! you can have a nice quiet life, one full of joy and hapiness, you dont have to be brought down by your illiness!!" but i feel like if i do that i am showing off or being mean. sorry if i offended anyone.


sexy......even in a dress

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
soccerjunki
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:36 PM

 you don't have anything to apologize for. No one wants what they could be or even worse what they USED to be in their face. It is kind of like, if you see someone burn their hand on a hot stove , you certainly are not going to do that just because!

I too have problems with being in support groups and think a lot of people do. We don't want to face our demons. NO ONE does. The fact that these people can bring you down still reminds you of your depressive side, and I have come to learn that every one has a depressive side even if they wont admit to it. maybe you don't need group therapy but you just need a therapist?? I was in a group therapy setting in HS when I went in-pt for an eating disorder, and I really hated it. I couldn't hardly  bare my soul for the Dr. much less a bunch of strangers who obviously were way worse off than me..yk? -even though we were all in the same place for the same thing..somehow mine was different than theirs.

I also tend to not come into this particular group as often becasue at times, honestly it does depress me, and I need NO more help than what I do on my own..BUT the need for this group is great. It is an open place for those that can't say it outloud, or have no one to listen or just can't bring themselves to tell someone that it is as bad as it really is. I know that No one is trying to "bring the next one down".We are all in different places and have different reasons for being here.

I still say that maybe you should be in happy groups..with fun and upbeat things, and stop worrying about if you need to be in a depression group or not. I admit that I tend to stay in other groups myself..I think we all do. We just don't draw attention to it.

Also you might want to rethink telling some of those people that they can have a happy , joyous life..because you don't know what drove them to the place that they are in. And all mental disorders are not created equal..some are brought on by chemical imbalance..some by tragedy, pain, disability, birth..whatever the reason, they have ended up in that place because of something deeply personal to them. If they can come out on the other side that is fantastic, but if they just skirt around on the edge of normalcy and live life full to their specifications, then that is what it is for them. We are not here to say who needs to do what, or take this, or..anything else. we are here all for the same reason..support..a place to vent, bounce ideas off of..and to laugh..

poshkat
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 3:55 PM

i really havent found a happy support group anywhere. i stopped attending the one i went to all last year becuase it was too depressing, but i still keep up with the people in it. i just came back from visiting one of the girls, she had a little breakdown. after seeing the aftermath of suicide i decided i wasnt going to let Bi-polar win, i live for my child and my husband. i would also never ever tell anyone to just "snap out of it" becuase i know how much i hated it when people told me to do it. all i can do is give them a shoulder to lean and cry on. everyone deals differently. i am in the process of finding a therapist now (my insurance sux!!) and i also write down alot of things that i feel. i just hate to see the people i care about in situations like this. i do feel like i want them to snap out of it and see the silver lining but i know not everyone is lucky or optimistic like me about these things.

Quoting soccerjunki:

 you don't have anything to apologize for. No one wants what they could be or even worse what they USED to be in their face. It is kind of like, if you see someone burn their hand on a hot stove , you certainly are not going to do that just because!

I too have problems with being in support groups and think a lot of people do. We don't want to face our demons. NO ONE does. The fact that these people can bring you down still reminds you of your depressive side, and I have come to learn that every one has a depressive side even if they wont admit to it. maybe you don't need group therapy but you just need a therapist?? I was in a group therapy setting in HS when I went in-pt for an eating disorder, and I really hated it. I couldn't hardly  bare my soul for the Dr. much less a bunch of strangers who obviously were way worse off than me..yk? -even though we were all in the same place for the same thing..somehow mine was different than theirs.

I also tend to not come into this particular group as often becasue at times, honestly it does depress me, and I need NO more help than what I do on my own..BUT the need for this group is great. It is an open place for those that can't say it outloud, or have no one to listen or just can't bring themselves to tell someone that it is as bad as it really is. I know that No one is trying to "bring the next one down".We are all in different places and have different reasons for being here.

I still say that maybe you should be in happy groups..with fun and upbeat things, and stop worrying about if you need to be in a depression group or not. I admit that I tend to stay in other groups myself..I think we all do. We just don't draw attention to it.

Also you might want to rethink telling some of those people that they can have a happy , joyous life..because you don't know what drove them to the place that they are in. And all mental disorders are not created equal..some are brought on by chemical imbalance..some by tragedy, pain, disability, birth..whatever the reason, they have ended up in that place because of something deeply personal to them. If they can come out on the other side that is fantastic, but if they just skirt around on the edge of normalcy and live life full to their specifications, then that is what it is for them. We are not here to say who needs to do what, or take this, or..anything else. we are here all for the same reason..support..a place to vent, bounce ideas off of..and to laugh..



sexy......even in a dress

soccerjunki
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:15 PM

 I try to will myself to snap out of it!!! LOL..it is hard. It is so lonely to feel that you are the only one that feels this way, and to think that you might never be normal..whatever that is these days. i have settled for being "OK"..I am good right now..I just want to live a peaceful life and raise my kids, and love my husband.

I know to some people that seems so simple it is silly but for those of us that feel as though we are indeed alone..it is like a life plan of action..

I know what you mean. It is so hard to feel happy for yourself , and /or your state of mind without feeling bad for those that are not in the same place you are. It makes you feel guilty..and as we well know guilt breeds depression..so it is a cycle.

I think you need to be happy for yourself. Often I find that we women, that suffer with depression or any other type of mental issues..we feel the most guilt from being happpy or just being OK. We can't be happy for ourselves, because we think that if we are then someone else is not. Or that we don't deserve it..or that we are just dreaming..or that we are not being honest with all that is going on in our lives..NONE of that is true..

WE do deserve happiness..we DO deserve to be OK..we deserve to think we did a good Job...to brag ..to boast..to pat ourselves on the back..it is an acceptable practice for others..so I think we should feel good doing it too, and not apologize for it any longer.!!!

Quoting poshkat:

i really havent found a happy support group anywhere. i stopped attending the one i went to all last year becuase it was too depressing, but i still keep up with the people in it. i just came back from visiting one of the girls, she had a little breakdown. after seeing the aftermath of suicide i decided i wasnt going to let Bi-polar win, i live for my child and my husband. i would also never ever tell anyone to just "snap out of it" becuase i know how much i hated it when people told me to do it. all i can do is give them a shoulder to lean and cry on. everyone deals differently. i am in the process of finding a therapist now (my insurance sux!!) and i also write down alot of things that i feel. i just hate to see the people i care about in situations like this. i do feel like i want them to snap out of it and see the silver lining but i know not everyone is lucky or optimistic like me about these things.

Quoting soccerjunki:

 you don't have anything to apologize for. No one wants what they could be or even worse what they USED to be in their face. It is kind of like, if you see someone burn their hand on a hot stove , you certainly are not going to do that just because!

I too have problems with being in support groups and think a lot of people do. We don't want to face our demons. NO ONE does. The fact that these people can bring you down still reminds you of your depressive side, and I have come to learn that every one has a depressive side even if they wont admit to it. maybe you don't need group therapy but you just need a therapist?? I was in a group therapy setting in HS when I went in-pt for an eating disorder, and I really hated it. I couldn't hardly  bare my soul for the Dr. much less a bunch of strangers who obviously were way worse off than me..yk? -even though we were all in the same place for the same thing..somehow mine was different than theirs.

I also tend to not come into this particular group as often becasue at times, honestly it does depress me, and I need NO more help than what I do on my own..BUT the need for this group is great. It is an open place for those that can't say it outloud, or have no one to listen or just can't bring themselves to tell someone that it is as bad as it really is. I know that No one is trying to "bring the next one down".We are all in different places and have different reasons for being here.

I still say that maybe you should be in happy groups..with fun and upbeat things, and stop worrying about if you need to be in a depression group or not. I admit that I tend to stay in other groups myself..I think we all do. We just don't draw attention to it.

Also you might want to rethink telling some of those people that they can have a happy , joyous life..because you don't know what drove them to the place that they are in. And all mental disorders are not created equal..some are brought on by chemical imbalance..some by tragedy, pain, disability, birth..whatever the reason, they have ended up in that place because of something deeply personal to them. If they can come out on the other side that is fantastic, but if they just skirt around on the edge of normalcy and live life full to their specifications, then that is what it is for them. We are not here to say who needs to do what, or take this, or..anything else. we are here all for the same reason..support..a place to vent, bounce ideas off of..and to laugh..

 

 

poshkat
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:53 PM

i will say it to myself too, but i know how much i hate it when people tell me to, so i try not to do it to others. yes, it is lonely to be bi-polar in a world of "normal" people, i know i am different, and sometimes i do settle for being ok, but i dont want to settle. i want to be happy, and i strive everyday to do the best i can for my son, so that he doesnt have to grow up with the crazy mother, i grew up like that its not fun. i want him to have a good childhood not ones filled with memories of crying jags and sadness.

Quoting soccerjunki:

 I try to will myself to snap out of it!!! LOL..it is hard. It is so lonely to feel that you are the only one that feels this way, and to think that you might never be normal..whatever that is these days. i have settled for being "OK"..I am good right now..I just want to live a peaceful life and raise my kids, and love my husband.

I know to some people that seems so simple it is silly but for those of us that feel as though we are indeed alone..it is like a life plan of action..

I know what you mean. It is so hard to feel happy for yourself , and /or your state of mind without feeling bad for those that are not in the same place you are. It makes you feel guilty..and as we well know guilt breeds depression..so it is a cycle.

I think you need to be happy for yourself. Often I find that we women, that suffer with depression or any other type of mental issues..we feel the most guilt from being happpy or just being OK. We can't be happy for ourselves, because we think that if we are then someone else is not. Or that we don't deserve it..or that we are just dreaming..or that we are not being honest with all that is going on in our lives..NONE of that is true..

WE do deserve happiness..we DO deserve to be OK..we deserve to think we did a good Job...to brag ..to boast..to pat ourselves on the back..it is an acceptable practice for others..so I think we should feel good doing it too, and not apologize for it any longer.!!!

Quoting poshkat:

i really havent found a happy support group anywhere. i stopped attending the one i went to all last year becuase it was too depressing, but i still keep up with the people in it. i just came back from visiting one of the girls, she had a little breakdown. after seeing the aftermath of suicide i decided i wasnt going to let Bi-polar win, i live for my child and my husband. i would also never ever tell anyone to just "snap out of it" becuase i know how much i hated it when people told me to do it. all i can do is give them a shoulder to lean and cry on. everyone deals differently. i am in the process of finding a therapist now (my insurance sux!!) and i also write down alot of things that i feel. i just hate to see the people i care about in situations like this. i do feel like i want them to snap out of it and see the silver lining but i know not everyone is lucky or optimistic like me about these things.

Quoting soccerjunki:

 you don't have anything to apologize for. No one wants what they could be or even worse what they USED to be in their face. It is kind of like, if you see someone burn their hand on a hot stove , you certainly are not going to do that just because!

I too have problems with being in support groups and think a lot of people do. We don't want to face our demons. NO ONE does. The fact that these people can bring you down still reminds you of your depressive side, and I have come to learn that every one has a depressive side even if they wont admit to it. maybe you don't need group therapy but you just need a therapist?? I was in a group therapy setting in HS when I went in-pt for an eating disorder, and I really hated it. I couldn't hardly  bare my soul for the Dr. much less a bunch of strangers who obviously were way worse off than me..yk? -even though we were all in the same place for the same thing..somehow mine was different than theirs.

I also tend to not come into this particular group as often becasue at times, honestly it does depress me, and I need NO more help than what I do on my own..BUT the need for this group is great. It is an open place for those that can't say it outloud, or have no one to listen or just can't bring themselves to tell someone that it is as bad as it really is. I know that No one is trying to "bring the next one down".We are all in different places and have different reasons for being here.

I still say that maybe you should be in happy groups..with fun and upbeat things, and stop worrying about if you need to be in a depression group or not. I admit that I tend to stay in other groups myself..I think we all do. We just don't draw attention to it.

Also you might want to rethink telling some of those people that they can have a happy , joyous life..because you don't know what drove them to the place that they are in. And all mental disorders are not created equal..some are brought on by chemical imbalance..some by tragedy, pain, disability, birth..whatever the reason, they have ended up in that place because of something deeply personal to them. If they can come out on the other side that is fantastic, but if they just skirt around on the edge of normalcy and live life full to their specifications, then that is what it is for them. We are not here to say who needs to do what, or take this, or..anything else. we are here all for the same reason..support..a place to vent, bounce ideas off of..and to laugh..

 

 



sexy......even in a dress

Xantho
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:48 PM

 I don't think you have offended anyone! Everyone has a past...and some people's pasts are dark and some are full of Disney characters!  lol...

I'm so happy to see that you have found something that works for you!

Xantho
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:48 PM

 Oh and BTW ERIC is very sexy....even in the dress! hehe

poshkat
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:13 PM

thanks. i just feel like i dont belong in the mental illiness world, becuase im so "normal" and i dont fit in the "normal" world becuase i have a mental illiness. its all very confusing and its hard to manage both worlds.

Quoting Xantho:

 I don't think you have offended anyone! Everyone has a past...and some people's pasts are dark and some are full of Disney characters!  lol...

I'm so happy to see that you have found something that works for you!



sexy......even in a dress

dizzy77702
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:29 PM

I feel the same way. that is why I don't go to my support group in town anymore. I got sick and tired of hearing the same people complain about the same problems and get the same advice yet do nothing proactive towards their recovery.  Used to drive me batty so I completely understand how you feel.

froggynow3
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:21 AM

Hey I can say I no longer feel as bad as I did also.. My meds are finally working too but its harder on me bc Im 6 months pregnant so I have hormones on top of my normal disfunctional emotions.. LOL But dont feel bad bc you arent the only one out there who is doing better. Im so glad Im finally feeling better.. The last year has been hell for me. Its nice to feel like your old self isnt it??

Xantho
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:24 AM

 Makes me so happy that you all are feeling better than before, maybe you could share your positive stories of how you are overcomming your illnesses and be idk role models for our group?

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