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I feel betrayed.

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:11 PM
  • 10 Replies

Once when I was severely depressed, I wasnt even able to stay alive for my kids because I thought maybe their father is a better parent than me (which is bullshit..but you know what your mind does to you sometimes).  But knowing my step-daughter didnt have a mother (she left when she was 9 mths old) kept me from killing myself.  Imagine my shock when she mentioned that she is considering moving in with her mother!!  I feel like it is a betrayal.  SD is 17 now.  We have been together for almost 5 yrs.  I have been there when she has begged her mother to be a part of her life and she would outright refuse.  Once (when DH and I hadnt even met yet) SD was at home alone---hubby at work.  She wasnt feeling good and called her mom and asked her if she could bring her some medicine.  She wouldnt do it.  And she lived only 2 blocks away!!  She ended up having severe strep throat and passed out in the ER when hubby got home from work and took her.  In a way, I understand that every child seeks the love and acceptance from their birth parents, but I dont understand this.  This is the M.O. of the mother.  She doesnt have anything to do with them until they are damn near raised then likes to take credit.  This is driving me crazy yall.  I love this girl with all my heart and I can see that this move at this time will be her ruin. (alot of details I am not mentioning).  Im afraid anything I say against the idea will just be seen as evil step-mom trying to keep a girl away from her momma.


by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Xantho
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:52 PM

 Before I really respond...what does your DH say about all this?

Serenitymom
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:10 PM

 I think as teens, we dont really understand when we think we do. I know it hurts, but her being 17, not much you can do. maybe when she gets older, she'll understand u were the better mom. Lets just hope this is just teen retaliation against life and one day she'll open her eyes.

pinklady77
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:33 PM

     Try not to judge her decission to much. This might not have anything to do with whether you were a good MOM as much as her trying to have some kind of connection with her Bio-Mom. Leave the option for her to come back if it doesn't work out open to her. My feeling is Bio Mom will show her true colors and you SD will need a soft place to fall it that happens.

pinklady77

Surrender
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:47 PM

I agree.

Quoting pinklady77:

     Try not to judge her decission to much. This might not have anything to do with whether you were a good MOM as much as her trying to have some kind of connection with her Bio-Mom. Leave the option for her to come back if it doesn't work out open to her. My feeling is Bio Mom will show her true colors and you SD will need a soft place to fall it that happens.

pinklady77



tat2dprincess
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 4:03 AM

DH says he figured it would happen eventually..it hurts him but he knew eventually it would happen.  I dont see it so much a rejection as a betrayal...when we went through all the BS, crazy stuff, puberty and PMS and now that it is close to reward time (graduation and such) MOMMY gets to ride in a white horse and take credit for her..when she had absolutely NOTHING to do with her raising.

tat2dprincess
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 4:06 AM

I guess I should explain my thinking a little more.  Due to the abuse as a child, and being burnt so many times by "friends" I feel that you should be loyal to those people that have proved themselves worthy.  And the ones that havent dont seserve to be in my life.  Ive been told I have a mafia-like thinking.

Serenity7
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2010 at 9:00 AM

 Everyone wants to be loved and accepted by their parents. Even people who go around saying they don't like their parents and they never want to see them again. I believe no one is a lost cause. Anyone can change if they want to. Maybe her mother has change who knows. But what a blessing for your step daughter if her mother is able to show her love now. Your step daughter has not betrayed you. She is just someone seeking her mother love.

Xantho
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:35 AM

 I'm a stepmom to a great little girl she's 7...we're to the point where step isnt even used...I'm mommy and she's my daughter.

Her mom ran out on her when she was 4 to live 1300 miles away with her BF and didn't return until dd was 6 because we filed for residential custody.  When BM came back I was shoved to the back burner...it hurt so bad. (this is just one instance of this happening)

I cried and cried.  I spoke with a friend of mine who had a step mom and she gave me some amazing advice.  She told me to just stand back and watch...yes its hard to only be the rock for someone and not get all the rewards but eventually one day she will realize who was really there for her and not just in a sense that she got a lot of crap (materialistic things) from.

Quoting tat2dprincess:

DH says he figured it would happen eventually..it hurts him but he knew eventually it would happen.  I dont see it so much a rejection as a betrayal...when we went through all the BS, crazy stuff, puberty and PMS and now that it is close to reward time (graduation and such) MOMMY gets to ride in a white horse and take credit for her..when she had absolutely NOTHING to do with her raising.

 Yes its hard to go through everything with a child then get put on the back burner...you just need to hang in there! It'll happen!

pinklady77
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:54 AM

Things in our life are not always in black and white. Sometimes things land in the gray area. Even if BM gets all the credit. God knows what a great Mom you have been to SD so let the rest go. Pat yourself on the back and let the rest go. BM is not worth you making yourself sick over. Focus on today. You don't know how much your SD will learn about her real mom by moving in with her. She may have to move out to appreciate what she had at home. My oldest Son thought things where so bad at home but once he moved out to live with my brother because of the college he chose. He learned things weren't so bad after all at home. 

Hope this helped 

pinklady77

Jillysmom
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:59 AM


Quoting pinklady77:

     Try not to judge her decission to much. This might not have anything to do with whether you were a good MOM as much as her trying to have some kind of connection with her Bio-Mom. Leave the option for her to come back if it doesn't work out open to her. My feeling is Bio Mom will show her true colors and you SD will need a soft place to fall it that happens.

pinklady77

may thoughts also

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