Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

question??? added post in a reply, thanks ladies

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:11 PM
  • 6 Replies

i know the guidelines say not to promote other groups in here but i wanted to know if anyone else is in the need to vent group? i made a post in there, its kind of long and if you are in the group please read it, i need some feed back and stuff today, having a tough day, if this isnt okay you can delete this post. sorry for any inconveniances. i just dont want to have to tell the story again, but i need advice. the post is  my heart has been torn for a bout a week now. thanks ladies. hope your all having a better day than me.

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:11 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
casah4
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:14 PM

 You could just copy/paste the story here so you don't have to retype it.

tabbie-kat
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:17 PM

well to start off, when i was younger my older half  brother (12) i was 5-6 i think, molested me, he had been touched by his aunt. when my parents found out they got him help and her put in jail, nothing for me though. i was touched many times as a kid, not by my father, he is a great man for that, but by my brothers friends, boys at school as i grew up. once when i was younger my cousin and i decided to make breakfast for our great uncle, (my grandfathers brother). he was a drunk alot of the time, but kept asking for us to make him our famous pancakes, he had always been nice to us so we said yes. we were pretty young, i was 8 or 9, after he had eat, he decided to thank us by giving us a kiss. well this kiss wasnt a regular kiss,  and surely not one you give to a lil girl or family. we told our grandmother about it and she just said that we misunderstood. through the years we were around him alot, and he would make lil remarks to me like "if you werent my family and was alil older i would date you, cause your so pretty". along with this and all of the touching at school i began to look at my self a different way, i thought that the only way to have a man love you is to look your best and flirt with them. i thought all men were the same, even losing my virginity was pressured on me by my boyfriend. i always wondered why i hated my self so much, why i dispised my body, it wasnt just that my boyfriend said i had gained weight, or that my dad did, it was all of the years of abuse!! when i was pregnant with my first i was a senior in high school and married to my husband. we moved back to kentucky and in with his parents for a lil while, that didnt last long cause his father was a bad alcoholic, so we moved in with my grandmother, and who lived in the room acrossed from us??? my great uncle, i kept my door locked at all times, i hated it, i told my grandmother i didnt feel comfortable with him there even before i moved in, she didnt care. well now my grandfather has passed and my grandmother is seeing my great uncle (which she was doing while my grandfather was alive) no one likes him, he is an alcoholic and has stolen from her many times before, most of my uncles didnt know that this had happend to me and my cousing until it was brought up, my grandmothers reaction was that "we brought it on our selves with the way we dressed" when i heard this it killed me. i tried to let it go but a few days ago it hit me hard!!!! made me think about my past and how i had been abused so many times. made me feel like dirt. i am not a trashy girl,  i wear low cut tops, i didnt start wearing them until i was 15 or so, and then they werent that low cut, and my grandmother bought me some of them. made me think, "did i bring all of those times on my self". how can you say that its a kids fault that someone touches them. i dont know what to think. or how to feel about this, all i know is its killing me inside.

tabbie-kat
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:36 PM

bump, please take the time ladies. i am really hurting today

jazi1105
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:38 PM

I know how you feel. I used to babysit for my neighbors and the father of the kids tried to rape me...he ripped at my clothes and tried to get his hands up my shorts and was pushing me down kissing me...I kneed him to get him off and ran home and told my dad and my now husband...we went to the police and his(and his wife's) excuse was that I was asking for it since I was wearing shorts and a tanktop...I live in Puerto Rico...that specific day it was 101 degrees, humid as always and I had to baby sit a 9 year old, a 6 year old and a 2 year old while cleaning, cooking, changing diapers and washing clothes, and they didn't even have a fan, let alone an a/c so of course I always wore shorts and a tanktop, but it was nothing even remotely provacative--the shorts were a few inches above my knee(they were the cloth ones that look almost like boxers), and the tanktop was like the ones men wear, but black and fitted. I got so mad because even the police took their side on it...

I'm going to give you the same advice that helped me...no matter what clothes you wear, it does not give a man the right to touch you...when men go to a strip club, the women there are pretty much naked, and what's the rule? Look, don't touch. If a man wants to use that excuse then not only is he a pig, he's a coward. No woman, no matter how little or much they wear deserves to be touched, kissed or raped.

I am so sorry you're going through this, but don't let it get to you...your grandmother is obviously not wrapped too tight(no offense) and she'll realize it when it's too late.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to add me or pm me. *hugs*

trilliana
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:45 PM
Quote:

 i began to look at my self a different way, i thought that the only way to have a man love you is to look your best and flirt with them. i thought all men were the same, even losing my virginity was pressured on me by my boyfriend. i always wondered why i hated my self so much, why i dispised my body, it wasnt just that my boyfriend said i had gained weight, or that my dad did, it was all of the years of abuse!! 



I feel like I could have written this part myself. My dad was the sexually abusive one in my life though. You have to remember this - you are beautiful, you are perfect the way you are. Your grandmother was born in a different time where that kind of abuse was unheard of and they truly did believe that anything bad like rape or abuse against a woman was brought on by how they dressed and acted. But then again, it sounds like your grandma and great uncle are toxic people. And sometimes it's best to ignore the toxic people in your life or to completely forget about them. You -can- get help, you -can- get better. The first step is always finding that there is a problem. 


And I'll burst bubbles for some people because of how I dealt with it. You don't -need- medication, you don't -need- to see a therapist. I'm proof of that. Sure there's some days that it would be a good idea, but I've managed with just writing my emotions out, getting advice and heck listening to other people whom have gone through this type of thing has helped me out immensely. 

Welcome to the group hun, I hope we can help!

made by me!

tabbie-kat
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:52 PM


Quoting trilliana:

Quote:

 i began to look at my self a different way, i thought that the only way to have a man love you is to look your best and flirt with them. i thought all men were the same, even losing my virginity was pressured on me by my boyfriend. i always wondered why i hated my self so much, why i dispised my body, it wasnt just that my boyfriend said i had gained weight, or that my dad did, it was all of the years of abuse!! 



I feel like I could have written this part myself. My dad was the sexually abusive one in my life though. You have to remember this - you are beautiful, you are perfect the way you are. Your grandmother was born in a different time where that kind of abuse was unheard of and they truly did believe that anything bad like rape or abuse against a woman was brought on by how they dressed and acted. But then again, it sounds like your grandma and great uncle are toxic people. And sometimes it's best to ignore the toxic people in your life or to completely forget about them. You -can- get help, you -can- get better. The first step is always finding that there is a problem. 


And I'll burst bubbles for some people because of how I dealt with it. You don't -need- medication, you don't -need- to see a therapist. I'm proof of that. Sure there's some days that it would be a good idea, but I've managed with just writing my emotions out, getting advice and heck listening to other people whom have gone through this type of thing has helped me out immensely. 

Welcome to the group hun, I hope we can help!

my grandfather had done things to my mom too, he never touched any of us, my grandmother left for a lil while but went back, saying she did it for my mom. if my grandfather was alive now he would be throwing a fit. i dont know what made him stop with my mom, but he did, and even know what he did, i never felt uncomfortable around him. my grandma just wants everyone to like my great uncle because she is chosing to be with him. this only makes us dislike him more

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)