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Scared & Sad.... PIOG

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:02 PM
  • 9 Replies

I wanna make this a short as I can without boring everyone. If you have anything mean to say, please leave, and if you have nothing to say then please BUMP! This is VERY important to me & PLEASE read it ALL before replying......

 DD was born almost 4 years ago. About 3 months after her birth I started having panic attacks. PPD Related. I suffered through them with medication for anxiety for the last 4 years. Fast forward to March of last year when I was in a bad car accident. The accident left me with PTSD which set in about 2 weeks after the accident & is still here today. I have a lot of anxiety & I live in a 24-hour fog. I feel confused all of the time & I just have trouble concentrating.

 About 6 weeks ago I started feeling very overwhelmed...more so than usual (I have a child with bad behavioral issues & I'm raising her alone with no family or friends to help me). It got to the point 6 weeks ago that I had this constant feeling of dread over me, fear, and doom. I felt like I was going to die. I started to become paranoid (part of the PTSD 19 months ago) and had trouble driving. The anxiety escalated so bad that I began to fear leaving my home. After 6 years of protesting, I went into my Psychiatrists office begging for help in any way he could help me. I wanted to feel like my old self again and be a good mom. That is my #1 goal in life.

 He put me on 20mg's of Prozac. Scared of any adverse reactions it MAY cause, I asked my mother to come up and stay with me for a few weeks. (She lives out-of-state 200 miles away) She came up about a week after I started the med & is still here. She is going home tomorrow.

 After being on the Prozac for about 4 1/2 weeks I started having BAD reactions to it....horrible chest pain, a resting heart rate of 140, dizziness, confusion, uncontrollable shaking, a numb feeling in my brain so bad that I couldn't smile or laugh & I was having panic attack after panic attack. I called the on-call doctor less than a week ago who told me to stop the Prozac. I saw my own doctor 3 days later who said that SSRIs (the class in which Prozac ws located) was not a good class of medication for me since I'm hyper-sensitive to medications. (In addition to my anti-anxiety medication, I was on something at night for my heart rate and fluctuating blood pressure. When I saw him a few days ago, he stopped that med and put me on a long-acting one that I now take in the AM. Now I can't sleep well at night, and the new med is not working, my heart is still racing.)

 I have little to no support. My mom was here but needs to go home. I have NO friends here, and moving back home right now isn't an option, hopefully it will be here in the future. There are no local support groups around me.

 Now before I say what I need to say THIS needs to be said: I AM NOT SUICIDAL, HOMICIDAL, OR UNABLE TO FUNCTION OR LIVE MY LIFE. With that important info said.... I have been having an issue for the past few weeks. Some people says it's part of the paranoia from the PTSD, and others say it's part of being a very protective mom........ I keep having these bad 'WHAT IF' thoughts of like what if my DD finds the scissors and gets hurt...etc, etc. Every time I see glass broken I think it would hurt if I got hurt, etc., and then I keep thinking it would suck to get cut in the wrong an artery or something. I cringe at these thoughts but they are non-stop. I don't randomly think of them, I have to see something that could possibly be a threat or something in order to have these thoughts. I say again that I am not thinking, planning or wanting to hurt anyone or myself. I just feel a little paranoid....not the paranoid like someone is following me, but just trauma and PTSD.  I hope this doesn't make me sound crazy. I feel scared. I KNOW that if I EVER started feeling like something bad ever would happen, I would get help ASAP!!! I guess all of these horrible 'thoughts' were helped to be induced by the Prozac and that it made me feel horrible while on it and wondering if I could possibly feel any worse. I'm now having withdrawals from it even tho I wasn't on it very long....but like I said, I am very sensitive to every medication. I do not feel as if I need to go into a behavioral hospital or anything.

 The doctor didn't want to put me on anything right now until after I see a Cardiologist for the heart rate problems & a neurologist for when I hit my head in the accident 19 months ago. 

 I feel alone and stressed beyond belief. I have a fiancee who is about to increase his hours at work. He works almost 2 hours away, and soon to be 14 hours days 7 days a week.  That will go on until the end of the year. DD starts preschool soon, but until then, like I said DD has behavioral issues, & screams at me all of the time. It increases my anxiety beyond belief to have to yell and scream at her.

I'm seeing a therapist and have been for 4 years.

Advice? Thoughts? Opinions? No bashing. I wouldn't write all of this if I wasn't looking for kind advice. Thanks.



EDIT: I just went into my bathroom and bawled like a baby. I feel tired of fighting this 'fog' and trying to act everyday like I am okay. I truely feel like giving up. After crying for 45 minutes, I had to get up & cook dinner or else I'd probibly be on the floor still. I feel so defeated. I know I can't give up tho. My DD keeps asking me why I'm sad. I know this isn't healthy for her to see. I just don't know what to do anymore...... mom can't stay any longer, I have no more help with DD & NO doctor will hear me out. I've tried so MANY doctors....

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:02 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by rho on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:18 PM

 I'm sorry you are going through all this.  I am glad that they are not giviing you anything until you have your step.  I unerstand the what if as I call it synodrom. I hope that they cn eventiaully find the correct meds to put you on so you can at least feel better

HUGS rho

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:38 PM
NOBODY will bash you Here. So don't worry. But i will say that was extremely long LOL! Most of us have been there, done that or are There right now also. Honestly, finding a good Med IS the hardest thing to do IMO. I think the best thing for my anxiety and depression has been seeing a therapist a couple times a moth. Just being able to talk to someone, feel supported, get ideas and everything has helped me. I would call and find out tomorrow if you can get to seeing a therapist ASAP to help you while you're not medicated. Prozac was awful for me. Zoloft worked well for me. It may take several tries (I had 3 different meds before zoloft and right now I am on buspar and it is too strong for me, so I need to find something else)... don't give up. We're here for you too. Anytime. Hugs
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:46 PM

I have never experienced the things you are going through, at least not on the same level. I know what it is like to be all alone and have no one to help. My boys and my fiancee are my only family. If you ever need someone come here or message me directly. I cant promise I will have all the answers but I will listen and do what I can. We all come here for help and support. You are not alone and you dont have to feel like you are. I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. i wish I could take it all away but I cant. Instead, lean on all of us when you need to. There is always someone here. Message me directly or do whatever you need. We are all behind you.

by Group Admin on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:58 PM

i am sorry you are feeling so bad. dont worry about being bashed in here. we dont do that to one another. i dont think you should give up on all medicines though just because this one did not work for you. prozac didnt work for me e ither. keep seeing your therapist and see if you can come of with ways to deal with some of this. i would say the thoughts you are having are something that comes along with the paranoia. i used to have little thoughts like that and they put me on risperdal and they went away. if you ever need to vent feel free to come back in here and do so as many times and as much as you want. best of luck to you.

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 7:03 PM

 Thanks for being so kind ladies. My heart rate is out of control. I put a call into my doctors office about how I'm feeling & the anxiety/panic attacks I've been having, & no one has returned my call. This was almost 30 minutes ago. They wont let you leave more than 1 msg either. They can't do anything for me. I'm beginning to think that I have the startings of OCD. The uncontrollable thoughts, racing thoughts, having to count
EVERYTHING, having issues with the number 6....weird, I know. I feel positively horrible. No one will help me out and in desperation, I think I might have to check myself into the local hospital for help. I REALLY don't want to. I went in there after my car accident 18 months ago, and they treated me like crap. They said that I should give my DD up for adoption since I could never be a decent mom to her. WTH? They also misdiagnosed me & had me on 4 different meds in the 2 weeks I was in there. It was horrible, but I feel so lost right now. :'-(

by Member on Aug. 17, 2011 at 7:07 PM


by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 7:15 PM

Your situation sounds like something that I went through a couple years ago. Especially the hyper-sensitivity to meds... my psych put me on a beta-blocker, and gabapentin, for PTSD and anxiety issues.  Both off label uses, but it helped immensely. I was not only hyper-sensitive, but also deathly afraid of medications because of Prozac, and Effexor that a previous doctor had put me on. Both of them caused severe reactions... so bad that I ended up in the ER a few times. Gastritus the first time, and severe panic attacks, and heart palpitations the second.

My heart goes out to you because I know how it is not to have anyone around to help. I am over 1500 miles away from anyone at the moment raising my son... and my husband is overseas, for who knows how long. If you need someone to vent to, or just to chat, let me know. :)

Try to keep a smile on your face, and I know it is hard, but sometimes that makes all the difference in your day. :)

by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 9:38 AM

(((hugs))) Is the therapist helping you process the PTSD event?  There really arent any meds for PTSD, except meds as needed for anxiety and sleep things like that.  I have it from an abduction and repeated assault.  A therapist i had did EMDR with me and it helped a bit, so does DBT and the support groups I went too.

I also cannot take SSRI SNRI medications since i am med sensitive too. 

I hope you find a good treatment that helps you.

by Leah on Aug. 18, 2011 at 9:48 AM

 *hugs* I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. Like the ladies above me said, no one will bash you here. We are all here to listen and support.

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