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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I detest the telephone and hate to reach out to people...please give me some advice on this

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 10:36 PM
  • 8 Replies
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I hate phones. I didn't have one when I met my husband, now we do of course.Cell phones...I will never understand why someone needs to be reached 24/7, yes great for emegencies but do people really need to chatter 24/7 and in public or on the road.

When I hear of family going in for surgery or needing this or that I know I should call but never do. my step sister got ahold of my dd to tell her to tell me she has cancer. I just don't feel like talking to her. I just have been alone far to long to really have anything to say and also have had to many people who lead me into conversations that are negative.I feel like I have to be fake and sound just so happy and perky and concerned or whatever. I just feel so empty inside and don't feel I can offer any warmth to anyone

I have severe social Anxiety and really get nervous in public and guess it also extends to phone calls. I am only happy alone without any thing to interupt my solitude.  I just don't care to be a part of the human race. I do have enough of a heart to realize I hurt people by pushing them away because I refuse to make calls or answer them.

Is there any changing me and my feelings? or am I a lost cause?

by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 10:36 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Tracys2
by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 11:13 PM

I hate telephones too, but I'm one step below you. I always "forget" to make even commonplace calls, and if I manage, I will panic and mess them up, but I can fake it a little. When I am more seriously depressed though, I can't- totally get it. I feel lost and don't know what to say, the empty feeling...

My social anxiety is bad on the phone because I can't see them and it drives me insane not having the extra cues as to what they're feeling or thinking. Also, you have to figure out how to get off, and until then, you have like random, unexpected- they can attack you with anything!

So, I would probably try to meet with people in person. But, I can see whre you're coming from, you sound so much worse... I hate telephones but I would find a way to talk to the important people about important things, even if i'd steer them towards talking over coffee or email, send a card or letter- or anything but phones! And I think no matter how much better we feel, we'll always avoid the phone when possible.

i don't think there are lost causes. But I do think you have to do a lot of healing before you'll be able to do much more than send cards- that empty feeling may not let you do much more, till it starts to heal. But cards are something, mabye a first step?

Grandmax2Momof4
by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 11:21 PM
Hi, my name is Donna & there is always hope.I think that since you don't want to meet people, you may not like what I think you need to do. I think you need to find a good therapist. Remember you don't have to Impress her/him because they are there to see.how you react to social situations. Also there is no law that says you have to keep your phone on, answer the door, ect. but you could also find some blank greeting cards & write a note to all your friends & relatives basically what you wrote here.
You don't have to apologize if you want you could ask for some patience, but that's up to you. Perhaps you can let me know what you think of my suggestions.
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Naturewoman4
by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 11:21 PM
Hello. Wow u sound like me. Ive had this problem for a long time. It really hasnt changed. I guess Ive accepted it. I try so hard to change. I too think Ive escaped, & thats one way. I feel sometimes I may of lost friends over it. For me, Im just afraid of getting hurt. What I TRY to do, is to force myself to make calls. Its hard. But all I can do is try. If it bothers you, could u make it a priority to call someone?
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Naturewoman4
by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 11:33 PM
I also would rather see them. I send cards, letters & little gifts. I also like my solitude. But Im not sure if its just because Im afraid. Ppl can really hurt you. Then it can drive u into a depression.
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Niborcb
by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 11:41 PM

 I honestly thought I was the only one who felt this way! I have no problem talking on the phone to people I feel safe with like my Mom and DH, but that is it. I screen all my calls and I can feel anxiety buiding up inside of me when I check the messages. When someone calls I procrastinate about returning their call and then eventually too much time has gone by and I'm embarrassed to call. I won't even call to order take out or make reservations - I make DH do it.

I agree that speaking to a therapist or counsellor would be a good idea for you. Are you currently receiving any treatment?

 

Naturewoman4
by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 11:52 PM
I also thought I was the only that felt this way. I would panic, when I see someone called. Then when I have to call back, I too put it off. I have my husb. make calls.


Quoting Niborcb:

 I honestly thought I was the only one who felt this way! I have no problem talking on the phone to people I feel safe with like my Mom and DH, but that is it. I screen all my calls and I can feel anxiety buiding up inside of me when I check the messages. When someone calls I procrastinate about returning their call and then eventually too much time has gone by and I'm embarrassed to call. I won't even call to order take out or make reservations - I make DH do it.


I agree that speaking to a therapist or counsellor would be a good idea for you. Are you currently receiving any treatment?


 


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matreshka
by Ruby Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:09 AM

i hate phones too. i rarely use my cell.  ITs hard for me to talk to people. you're not alone in how your feeling. it sounds like you are severely depressed.  have you ever tried therapy?

Tracys2
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:50 AM

it is kind of cool not to be alone in this. In our house, it's tough because my husband doens't like the phone either, and sometimes things just don't get done- especially with his family, because I don't know them well enough to call and then he doesn't bother. Luckily, I can call for take out OK, but the answering machine does terrify me. I totally plan a time of day when maybe I can call and then it takes a while to get over the anxiety and the going over all the stupid mistakes I made in the call. I used to call the West Coast from the East a lot, so I'd have a drink with dinner before calling anyone. Don't know that it helps though.

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