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It could always be worse

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:43 PM
  • 6 Replies

I am a newbie to the group and just felt like venting. I have been with my daughter's father off and on for 11 years and known him 16 years. I have suffered from depression for 16 years. Lately it has gotten worse due to the fact that during one of our OFF times he got another girl pregnant. As a mother, I feel for her because she thought he was going to be with her forever. The baby will be born on Saturday.  I am confused because a part of me wants him to fully be involved in the baby's life. On the other hand he was not there for me and our daughter at the beginning so why should I encourage him to do better for her child.  I am just torn up inside!!!!!

A mother has to think twice, once for her self and once for her child

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:43 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Pippi747
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:28 PM

This is a tough situation.  It is completely normal to be conflicted in this situation.  I know you will feel better if you encourage him to do the right thing, but again it is a tough situation.  Hugs go out to you during this time!

leahbeah143
by Leah on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:37 PM

 I can kind of relate to that. My ex boyfriend cheated on me with his ex wife, and the only reason he told me about it is because she was claiming that she thought she was pregnant. I was devastated, and we had to have the conversation of how the baby was going to be raised. I had to have the conversation within myself of how could I even think about being step mother to a child that would be a constant reminder of what he did to me. Thankfully she wasn't pregnant, and double thankfully he is out of my life lol

That is such a hard situation for you. What does your s/o say about the situation? Is he trying to be involved?

AllThatBabyJazz
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:15 PM

Welcome to the group

ReaderVictoria
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 8:40 AM

I agree that it's perfectly normal for you to feel conflicted.  I would like to point out one thing though.  (Same thing pretty much that I told my teenage stepsons about the difference between how DH treated them as children and how he was with my boys.)  What has that baby done to deserve the same treatment your daughter has gotten?

Whether this is a boy or girl, s/he is going to be your daughter's sibling.  Okay, half-sibling.  Anyway, I guess what I'm thinking here is that if encouraged to do better with his latest child, he'll get the hint and do better by your daughter as well.  :::evil grin:::  Especially if you keep in good touch with the other mother so your kids can grow up knowing each other.  He is most likely not going to want one telling the other that he's a shit.

Good luck and I hope he straightens out and flies right for both children's sakes.  Kids don't deserve a rotten parent.

matreshka
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 9:03 AM

I'm sorry for your situation.  It is very kind of you to want to be part of the baby's life.  I hope you can work an arrangement out since the kids are related.

lyrick24
by Group Admin on Nov. 10, 2011 at 9:05 AM
I have been in the same situation and it is so hard.we wanted to be involved in the babiesb life but the mom had a problem with me and therefore wouldn't let his dad have anything to do with him even though he paid his child support faithfully.he is grown now and has never contacted his dad and I blame that on her.
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