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talking about divorce again

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:37 AM
  • 23 Replies

Last night i finished my bottle of Sake and DH came home from hunting and i asked him for a beer and he said no youre not supposed to be drinking and i didnt listen to him and got one anyway. Before i even opened it he said i could have one and no more and i said no i want more and he got pissed off and threw my beer before i even opened it!!! We started fighting and he tells me that if i keep this up hes going to stop paying for my medication because if im drinking it makes my medicine not work so he doesnt see the point of paying for it if i dont care about getting better and he even mentioned divorce. Later on in the conversation after he was saying i could never drink anymore because im an alcoholic i said thats BS that you are treating me like a child and controlling me and why dont you let me prove to you that i got this under control and he said the only way i could prove to him i got control is by not drinking at all and i said i cannot handle being control so how about we do get a divorce and split custody and he said he would think about it and he started to cry. I dont know what else to say i thought this fighting BS was over but i guess not......

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tigerlover85379
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:44 AM

BUMP!

zboys
by Gold Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:30 AM

That's so sad (the part about your husband crying).  It breaks my heart.  It reminds me of something in my own marriage.  I can understand your husband's point about not paying for the medication anymore.  I hope you can get this resolved soon. 

tigerlover85379
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:32 AM

Problem is again i want to hide from everyone again so that i can advoid the alcohol and husband was thinking about not drinking in the house so i would see him less (fucking asshole) but my issue is there is my BIL going away party on the 10th (hes deploying) and i dont want to go anymore because there will be alot of alcohol there like a keg but if i dont go i would really hurt everyones feelings so i have to go and this tottally sucks. Thats exactly why i want to hide!!! Iam even considering not hanging out with our new friends cuz they drink its fucking all over!!! I cant afford rehab so what do i do? Im trying to decide if i should buck up and deal with it or just hide from my husband, family and friends so like a month.

katzmeow726
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:38 AM
2 moms liked this
Hmm.
At the risk of sounding judgemental, I tend to agree with some of what your dh said.
You should NOT be drinking. And, if you get this worked up over not being allowed to drink, then I believe he is right. You DO have issues with it. If you are unable to stop, then you have no control. He isn't treating you like a child. He is doing what a husband should, and trying to protect you. But you won't let him, and after a while that can get exhausting for him.
I know...because I am there right now. With pain meds and sleeping aids, and alcohol. Dh won't let me have any of those things now, because I don't have a lot of control over myself when it comes to pain meds and drinks.
I hope you guys can resolve this. Now is not the time for you to make huge life decisions like divorce, because your judgement is not at its best.
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DAHLONEGAMOMMY
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:48 AM

Honey, dont be you own worst enemy. You may not like what he had  to say but it doesnt sound like he is trying to control you. It sounds like he is trying to help you. He may not be doing all the things you like or want but he hasnt left and he keeps fighting with you and for you in hopes of making you better. The aocohol my seem like not such a big deal but you have ot take it with everything else too. I know it must be tough for you to have someone else dictating your actions but if it is what you know is best you cant fault him for helping you. Divorce wont fix your problems. It will be worse. How are you going to be able to take care of yourself if you are working all the time? I know its hard but if you work together, you might see more positive changes. 

tigerlover85379
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:05 AM

You know what may motivate me to not drink on the 10th is that if i do i know it will create a big scene with my husband getting pissed off at me and if he doesnt i know myself and i will get out of control and ruin my BIL party. I was discussing with someone thats going to be there that im better off drinking beer cuz it takes alot for me to get drunk off of that so i thought about going that route even though im not a big beer drinker, OMG I sound so sick!

Quoting tigerlover85379:

Problem is again i want to hide from everyone again so that i can advoid the alcohol and husband was thinking about not drinking in the house so i would see him less (fucking asshole) but my issue is there is my BIL going away party on the 10th (hes deploying) and i dont want to go anymore because there will be alot of alcohol there like a keg but if i dont go i would really hurt everyones feelings so i have to go and this tottally sucks. Thats exactly why i want to hide!!! Iam even considering not hanging out with our new friends cuz they drink its fucking all over!!! I cant afford rehab so what do i do? Im trying to decide if i should buck up and deal with it or just hide from my husband, family and friends so like a month.


lyrick24
by Group Admin on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:25 AM
2 moms liked this

 this has obviously come down to whether you want to continue to drink or whether you want your marriage. if i were you i would find help. you might have to drive a little ways but there is help out there. call you local psyche center and ask them for a support group for alcoholics anonymous. call the er and ask them. call community service in your area but just find one. even in the most rural places they usually have some kind of group you can get involved with.

Tracys2
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:42 AM

I tend to agree with the others.

You don't mention his being controlling except about drinking- not about what you do, wear, your friends you have... any of that, which leads me to believe that isn't your main problem with him (they usually go for friends first, controlling people). In fact, just about all of your posts are about drinking. It seems (from our vantage point) that your main problem with everyone in your life is that you want to drink and they don't want you to, and that is a big, huge red flag to me. I would never choose drinking over my marriage. It is very tough if you have friends who all drink. Perhaps you could call a non-drinking friend and get back in touch, or join AA to find some, and then you will have a social outlet that is drink-free.

Not drinking when there is a keg and drinkers around occasionally might be tough, but we did it when we were pregnant, you can do it again. The way I did it when I was trying to drive responsibly and people were pushing stuff on me, I'd carry around a nearly-full cup and pour bits out into plants or sinks or whatever occasionally. Nobody knew I wasn't drinking.

Second, if you do get to divorce (and I hope not!), keep in mind that your husband will need to go to someone for paperwork stuff, and he will talk to his friends, and even if neither of you thinks so now, the subject of drinking will probably be a major issue, used against you. Do not let this keep you from seeing your kids- if they think you have a problem, that WILL be used against you in custody.

I hope you can find a way through this. Hugs!

sonnyswoman75
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:16 AM
Why do you drink if its messing with your medication?
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tigerlover85379
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 2:57 PM

Because iam a stupid pos

Quoting sonnyswoman75:

Why do you drink if its messing with your medication?


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