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article: How Can You Rebuild Trust When Your Partner Cheats?

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:46 AM
  • 4 Replies


This guest article from YourTango was written by Tammy Nelson

Can you really ever trust someone again after they’ve cheated on you?

Marilyn said, “He says he doesn’t talk to her anymore. I want to believe him. 

“But I am so suspicious all the time. I hate that about myself. Maybe I should just end it. It hurts to not trust him and he is sick of me asking him all the time if he’s seen her.”

Trusting someone isn’t easy after they’ve betrayed you. You want to believe what they say, but can you really ever know if they are telling the truth, once they have lied to you? The answer may be “Probably not.”

But the good news is: there is a way you can learn to trust again. Just not in the way you think.

Trust is not about wishing and hoping that your partner wont cheat or wont talk to their ex. Trust is about learning to once again trust your own intuition. You probably started to doubt your inner voice once you found out that they lied to you or hid their affair. Now, you are wondering if you can really ever trust your gut instinct about anything again.

Trust is about learning to listen to your own intuition once again. Trust is not about learning to trust your partner. The truth is that they are human and another human can always let you down. Let’s face it, you never really know if anyone is telling you the truth, unless you feel it in your gut.

Only your own intuition tells you the truth. Learning to trust your own instincts is the only and most important way to know if your partner is cheating or being honest about their outside relationships. In order to be in a relationship and always feel safe, you have to learn to trust your inner voice. Your intuition will never lie to you. Once you learn to listen to it, you can always trust your inner voice.

The challenge is learning the difference between your intuitive voice and the sometimes louder voice of fear. Fear and intuition are two different things. Fear tells you what you don’t want to know. Intuition tells you the truth. Intuition is real and always authentic. Your fear can be real sometimes but often, it can be a fantasy or an illusion.

Trust your inner voice and you can learn to get past the affair, and always know if your partner is telling you the truth. Marilyn can trust her intuition about one thing for sure, ”I know that my boyfriend is telling me the truth when he looks me in the eye and tells me he only wants to be with me. I trust my feelings are telling me the truth about that!”

Have confidence in that inner voice. Trust is an inside job.

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:46 AM
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Replies (1-4):
lyrick24
by Group Admin on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:17 AM

 very good!

rosiemendo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Another good one!  And I hate to be repetitious, but been there, done that, too!  His 3-year affair after 25 years of marriage and 4 children, was one of the factors that pushed me over the edge.  I won't let that happen again.  I'm definitely worth more!

matreshka
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:08 PM

I am so happy and lucky I can trust DH. Ive been cheated on in a serious relationship before (one of those perpetually engaged relationships) and it hurt like nothing else, like a complete stab through the heart and wrecked my self-esteem

rhodaj
by rho on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:16 PM

 Thanks for the info

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