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why do i feel like it's my fault?

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 7:37 AM
  • 10 Replies

my daughter is 13 months old. her biological dad is denying her, even though she looks just like him. right after she was born he kept telling me that he wasn't going to be like his real father and just abandon his kid. when she was 4 months old he cut off all contact with me. i went by his house (which is just down the street from my house) and he always had an excuse (too busy, had company, etc.) the times i called him and asked if he could come by to see her, he said he was out of town or he had family or company over, then a few minutes later i would see him walking down the street to a friends house but he wouldn't even acknowledge me. i waved, called his name and he acted like i wasn't even there. is it my fault that he doesn't want anything to do with me or our daughter? when she was 2 months old i tried killing myself because of the crap he was putting me through. i kept having the thoughts "well maybe i should've had an abortion" or "maybe i should put her up for adoption" but i don't want to lose her, she's the only reason i'm alive right now. now he's just an asshole, he wasn't like this when i was pregnant. did i do something for him to be this way?

by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 7:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
annaica
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this
It isn't your fault or your daughter's. It is his. He is the one with a problem. Not you. Hugs
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drama2008
by on Jan. 25, 2012 at 7:13 PM
1 mom liked this

He sounds like he's being a jerk because of something going on with him. He should get to a counselor soon. Don't blame yourself so much. Just take good care of your baby and be glad that you have her. I don't think I would even contact him for a while. Let him miss you and the baby, and maybe he'll eventually come around and apologize to you.

ezjones
by on Jan. 25, 2012 at 8:11 PM

I'm sorry sweetheart!  It's not your fault and you don't derserve it!  I agree with drama2008, give him some time and space.  Focus on you and your DD right now.  Lots of love to you!

kconnolly90
by on Jan. 25, 2012 at 10:19 PM

i spend all of my time with my dd. i haven't tried to contact him in over 7 months. it just makes me mad because he has missed all of her first milestones. she's walking and talking now and she calls my brother 'dada' everytime she sees him. i don't know what else to do. one of my friends who hangs out with him tried to bring it up a couple times and he says he doesn't want to talk about around his other friends. is he ashamed of her?

Domonicsmom
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 4:11 PM

nothing is your fault!!! this is just what piece of shit men do... he doesnt deserve you or your daughter im so sorry and know to well how you feel


AllThatBabyJazz
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 4:17 PM
Not your fault. He's the one missing out. Go on without him and strive to raise your Daughter the best you can. Youre a already doing a great job hun
annaica
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Not much of a dad... be thankful that he isn't there! Your daughter has you as a mom AND dad. She is blessed to have you.
My son's dad missed alot too. It is a long story but I came to realize it is OK for a child to be without a father... and then when I least expected it, I fell in love with a man who has been there for us and WANTED to be my son's daddy.
Have you started dating?


Quoting kconnolly90:

i spend all of my time with my dd. i haven't tried to contact him in over 7 months. it just makes me mad because he has missed all of her first milestones. she's walking and talking now and she calls my brother 'dada' everytime she sees him. i don't know what else to do. one of my friends who hangs out with him tried to bring it up a couple times and he says he doesn't want to talk about around his other friends. is he ashamed of her?

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kconnolly90
by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:51 AM

i've tried to find a guy to date but the guys i talk to don't want to be with someone who has a kid. i don't understand why they're like that. i've talked to guys my age and older guys. there's a guy who wants to be with me but he lives in maryland, i live in texas. there's no way it would work out. i'm just gonna focus on taking care of my daughter, and eventually i'll find someone who will accept me and my daughter.

Tracys2
by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 10:20 AM

I think he's scared and doesn't know what a Dad is, and is ashamed of himself and that's why he's avoiding you.

Dads tend to have a harder time with smaller children as it is, but I think he's setting himself up for a situation where she's older and doesn't know him and blames him, and it never comes right.

Do you have mutual friends, that they could all hang out together with her, maybe make him more comfortable? Or a guy friend you know who could talk to him non-judgmentally? He can still fix it- she is more than young enough to forgive!

It's nothing you've done. I'd guess just panic and not knowing what to do like his father. I bet he's hating himself the more every time he pushes you and her away. The kindest thing you can do is to try to find a way to make it easy for him to build into a relationship, if it's even possible.

It also sounds like he should be providing, and probably isn't. He may be ashamed about that as well, and that should be dealt with somehow, because even though it's probably best to be nice about things in terms of getting good results, but he really needs to provide, for all of your sakes.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Feb. 23, 2012 at 10:27 AM

 no, he's just a douche bag. take him to court, get the paternity test, and get you some child support! hugs!

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