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How Dad Treats Mom

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:18 PM
  • 11 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Are You Stuck in the Same Abusive Cycle?

Options:

Yes, I am stuck in the same rut.

No, I got out and never looked back.

I seem to go back and forth.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 9

View Results

For those of us who find themselves in abusive relationships, I've heard it said that it's because of the family dynamics in which we were raised. My family didn't have physical abuse, but the emotional and verbal abuse was horrendous. I remember promising myself, when I was a teenager, that I would never let a man treat me the way my dad treated my mom, nor would I ever raise kids to be mean and abusive toward each other the way it was in my family.

Well, never say never. There is evidence that we are attracted to the same dynamics we were raised with. I'm curious if that holds true for most of the people on this forum? Do you find yourself in the same kind of relationship that your parents had?

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
syoumans77
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:31 PM

Honestly, no.  My parents never acted the way DH and I have.  I never saw my parents fight until I was almost 16.  And even then I never witnessed the fights, just saw that they weren't talking to each other and that they were angry.  DH and I are the complete opposite (without getting into details).

annaica
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:12 PM

 My father was absent, then I was adopted by my stepdad, and he wasn't abusive in the least.  I chose someone who had previous abuse charges with his ex.  I was also naive and wanted to be loved.   I can't say that I would have never done and been with this "man" because I had my son and he is amazing.  I love my son.  I learned alot from seeing and being in a bad relationship too.  So I guess I can't say too much more.

lyrick24
by Group Admin on Feb. 9, 2012 at 4:31 AM

 my parents were married all their lives and were kind and loving. me and my husband have been together for 31 years and are kind and loving. so i guess you could say we are the same.

hopealways4019
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:49 PM
I was stuck mentally in an abusive relationship, that was so unhealthy for me both physically and mentally. But I ask God for the strength too leave, he gave it to me! That was four years ago
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princesskt
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 3:12 PM

 

Quoting syoumans77:

Honestly, no.  My parents never acted the way DH and I have.  I never saw my parents fight until I was almost 16.  And even then I never witnessed the fights, just saw that they weren't talking to each other and that they were angry.  DH and I are the complete opposite (without getting into details).

 same HERE :-(

Kathy489
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 9:18 AM


Quoting hopealways4019:

I was stuck mentally in an abusive relationship, that was so unhealthy for me both physically and mentally. But I ask God for the strength too leave, he gave it to me! That was four years ago


Sometimes, leaving is the right thing to do. I'm glad you found the strength. The best thing that could happen is if we would all learn from our mistakes so that we could avoid making the same mistake over and over again.

Unfortunately, and I don't  understand it, but I have been through the same cycle over and over. The signs of abuse are there in the beginning of a relationship, such as subtle comments of sarcasm, but for some reason, I let them go until it's too late. Next thing I know, I am wondering how on earth I ended up in another bad relationship that I regret....  How is it that we are so "needy" for love, that we grab the first guy who comes along?

Good luck to you. Do you have any children? Have you met anyone else, or would you rather not? Since I had my son, I would rather not go through any of that mess again of meeting another jerk. I just don't trust it.

lucy164
by Peggy on Feb. 10, 2012 at 9:25 AM

i grew up with only one parent, the mother who was emotionally abusive.

hopealways4019
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 9:42 AM
I have 5 children, my oldest son 18, starting to be disrespectful towards me. And I'm wondering is he repeating the abuse he witnessed for 10 years? Which scares me! I haven't dated in four years, afraid the same thing going happened again. My kids are afraid too! But I did learn! And I be damn.,if I let it happen twice! If I do eventually meet someone, I'm going to be alert, above any potential abuse, I meant about not above!


Quoting Kathy489:



Quoting hopealways4019:

I was stuck mentally in an abusive relationship, that was so unhealthy for me both physically and mentally. But I ask God for the strength too leave, he gave it to me! That was four years ago


Sometimes, leaving is the right thing to do. I'm glad you found the strength. The best thing that could happen is if we would all learn from our mistakes so that we could avoid making the same mistake over and over again.


Unfortunately, and I don't  understand it, but I have been through the same cycle over and over. The signs of abuse are there in the beginning of a relationship, such as subtle comments of sarcasm, but for some reason, I let them go until it's too late. Next thing I know, I am wondering how on earth I ended up in another bad relationship that I regret....  How is it that we are so "needy" for love, that we grab the first guy who comes along?


Good luck to you. Do you have any children? Have you met anyone else, or would you rather not? Since I had my son, I would rather not go through any of that mess again of meeting another jerk. I just don't trust it.


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Sapphiremoon143
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 10:27 AM

I was in 2 abusive marriges and never again will I do that again! The man im with now is me soul mate and takes me and my crazy health issues lol. If your in one GET OUT ASAP!

matreshka
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 11:02 AM

I didn't gorew up where my either of my parents were abusive toward eachother, but my mother was abusive to me.  I think that is why I always looked for acceptance from people and would get into bad relationships. 

I am getting to a place where I am accepting myself and its helped a lot with my relationship with DH,

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