Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Boost Your Self-Esteem Day 4: Ditch Your Inner Critic

Posted by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 8:38 PM
  • 53 Replies

As moms, I'm sure we can all relate to what Amy Ahlers has to say.

From Amy:


When I became a mom I also became more self-critical. It was as if when I gave birth to my daughter, I also gave birth to a new clan of Inner Critics whose mission was to create a swirl of negative thoughts in my head. I like to call these addictive negative thoughts Big Fat Lies. Here's a couple Big Fat Lies we gotta ditch: 

Big Fat Lie: I'm a failure: This Big Fat Lie is pandemic among nearly every mom I've talked to. The truth is that we all have moments of failing as moms but that does NOT make us a failure. Winston Churchill put it brilliantly when he said, "Success is leaping from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." I would add that to be a successful parent, success is leaping from mistake to mistake without loss of compassion. So, why not get your compassion on?!

Big Fat Lie: ___________ is a way better mom than me: The comparison game amongst moms can be intense and grueling. We can feel like we never quite measure up and develop a serious inferiority complex or we can turn the tables and find our Inner Critics telling us that we are a far better mom, creating a superiority complex. Either way, the comparison game is a losing one. The truth is that this isn't a contest...let's instead put our focus on being the best mom we can be.

The more you recognize your negative self-talk as Big Fat Lies and tap more into the compassionate truth, the more you'll increase self-love, self-esteem and self-respect. And what better gift can we give our kids than to model that?

Based on the #1 bestselling book Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar © 2011 by Amy Ahlers. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. or 800-972-6657 ext. 52

Amy Ahlers the Wake-Up Call Coach, is on a mission to wake up your Inner Superstar so you can shine bright. She is a celebrated International Certified Success Coach, the CEO of Wake-Up Call Coaching the co-creator of Inner Mean Girl Reform School and the creator of many tele-seminars such as The Women Masters and New Man, New Woman, New Life where she has spoken alongside luminaries such as Marianne Williamson, Neale Donald Walsch, Barbara Marx Hubbard, SARK, Lisa Nichols, and many, many more. She resides in the SF Bay Area, is married to the love of her life, Rob, the proud mom of their 4-year old daughter, Annabella, and loves to hike in the hills with their rescue mutt, Dozer. You can visit her online at

What Big Fat Lies does YOUR inner critic like to tell?  Can you practice recognizing them for the negative lies they are and start telling yourself the positive truth instead?

by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 8:38 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 8:50 PM
I try, I really do!
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 8:53 PM
My big fat lie is that I don't deserve my children and am a terrible mom.
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I have thought both of the ones mentioned. With there first one, when I feel like,a,failure,as,a mom, I remind myself what a,sweet, smart, happy, well behaved boy im raising. Saying I fail as a mom feels like,I'm also saying that my son isn't living up to my expectations.

I also know that when I compare,myself to other moms IM actually noticing the,things I could work on myself. Insread,of feeling inferior I can be proactive and improve the areas I feel lack in.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 8:58 PM

oh man my inner critics tell me so many big fat lies I could never list them all

I'm ugly cuz I'm fat.

I suck as a mom.

my kids hate me.

my kids deserve a better mom.

I could go on but....

by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:06 PM

I could probably go on and on.

I do feel like I'm a failure as a mom a lot of the time, and the hubby getting mad at me and telling me I'm a lousy mother didn't help.

I also feel like I'm a failure as a wife.  I don't keep the house anywhere near as clean as the hubby would like it to be, and we don't have sex nearly as often as he would like me to.

I often get to thinking that I can't do anything right, because I into a rut where I'm more worried about other peoples' perception of me than I am about just taking care of myself.

by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:07 PM
Basically I say that I suck. Then my hubby has to remind me how happy, healthy, and smart our daughter is.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:07 PM
I will try
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:10 PM

 When I was in a relationship, I used to have these really bad. Now I just get paranoid that I'm not meeting to others expectations, mostly at work. I withdraw from most of the people I know because I'm afraid they will say bad things about what I'm doing or what not. I dont think I'm to bad of a mother, but I do get down about myself when I'm under alot of stress and I get to tired to clean the house.

by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:13 PM
My big fat lie is that I can't lose weight. I am starting to workout as much as possible.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:13 PM

That I can't do things because of my anxiety

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)