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New Here - Need Advice/Support - Long

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 7:47 AM
  • 6 Replies

Please don't be judgemental - just would like opinions:  Here goes.

Having been raised to believe there would NEVER be a match for me, I married knowing he could'nt possibly care.  Now, more than 3 decades later, only fear of the afterlife for suicides keeps me here.  Four offspring, no love for me there at all; after all, I was the main disciplinarian while their father worked "southern swing" shift, which is all three shifts altered by one hour.  So, as always, he's the good guy, I'm just the old mule.  Only acknowledged when something is needed, like a favor of some sort, or a ride to work, etc.  Recently been "put in my place" for getting horribly upset because of  my need for companionship being ignored, as usual.  It's my own fault, I just don't know how to get out of this without living on the street, as I have no income.  So, any input?

by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 7:47 AM
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by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 7:52 AM
I am sorry hun. Could u get a job? How old are ur kids? Is there any state housing there u could look into or family u could stay with?
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by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 7:55 AM

 I am sorry, I normaly can get someone post but I dont get it....... so ur husband puts you down and you want to kill urself but are scared of the after life??

by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:24 AM

What is there to judge? I think we understand... It's a little hard to advise, not knowing the details. Most kids don't appreciate their parents- especially the disciplinarians- between about ages 10 and 25. But most kids eventually DO appreciate them, more than the other parent. I've seen a lot of people here who are in your shoes, dealing with that time and the lack of appreciation from all sides. It is very common.

As for your husband, sounds like you either need counselling, a break, or both. Maybe you can write him a long letter, trying to explain rationally your issues and what you need. I tend to get really upset and angry and throw a fit also, but my husband sees "fit" and reacts badly. Trying to approach things rationally and positively works better for us. 

If your kids are old enough, maybe you can get a job. Starting just as a temp or something, you could move up in time. Or just volunteering can lead to a job and help you have something that is yours, prove to yourself that you are worthwhile and get you contacts with other adults- very important at times!

It sounds to me like you're really down on yourself (not surprising, given the upbringing you say you had) and let people treat you poorly, and if you start working on that and feeling better about yourself, you will start to stand up for yourself with your husband and children. They will appreciate it. I know it's a long road, and hope you can find help along the way.

by Group Admin on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:24 AM

 get yourself a good job if you can and go from there. come up with a game plan and it might take several months but if you truely want out you can get out. you can always get child support and have to convince yourself that you are worth something and you deserve better. be strong!

by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:34 AM

There is emergency houing if things are abusive enough to warrant a restraining order against your husband.  You would have to leave him though. 

Keep looking for work, it will help you get out of this situation and make you feel alot better about yourself (((hugs))

by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Im so sorry that you dont have ppl, especially ones, that show you they appreicate you. Unfor. I find you can't get that from kids, till they are mature & parents themselves. Sometimes, not even then. BUT the ONE person you should get that from is our SO. I would insist on marriage counseling. Then if that doesnt work, I would work just on myself. Go to school for a good job, perhaps Healthcare? I would put alittle money aside each wk. Then IF things remind the same, I would be better prepared & get out. If you have family members to live with till you get on your feet, that would be great! Meanwhile work on YOU & being independant.
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