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I think I am getting PPD

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:44 AM
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Sorry if this ends up being long. My baby is 2.5 weeks old and is my 2nd. I didn't have baby blues or PPD with my first. I did experience depression and anxiety while pregnant. I totally freaked out about being pregnant again. I couldn't handle the hormones. Had a rough pregnancy had preterm labor even ended up being flown to a bigger hospital and was put on bed rest for 10 weeks. Ended up with a C-Section because of complications could have lost my baby. Don't know how I didn't lose him. Now I feel terrible I have a newborn and a 21mo. I have had depression in the past and just dealt with it on my own. I took Zoloft 9 years ago and didn't do well with it I even attempted suicide while on it. My Mom had severe depression and committed suicide when I was 24 she also took Zoloft. My brother also committed suicide 2 years later. I am terrified of taking something in case it makes me feel worse again. I don't have thoughts of harming my kids. I just feel overwhelmed and cry a lot. I get upset easily and just feel bad. I am also getting overly protective of my son. I hate when anyone other than my husband holds him. I was never this way with DD. I am also a lot more worried about something happening to him. I don't know if this is from PPD or the fact that he could have died. This is also my last and it bothers me. I'm not sure why I don't want more than 2 and my body can't handle another pregnancy. I plan on talking to my Dr at my check up just not sure there is much he can do since I don't do well on medication. I have a therapist I can talk to but money is really tight and I can't afford it. Thanks for listening I'm just sick of feeling this way and want to feel better. I guess I have been struggling for a long time with depression and don't want to just tough it out anymore. I don't enjoy life.
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by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-6):
vegaslilqt
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:30 PM

Long distance hugs!  Your story is very familiar, I had the same feelings after being PG with my daughter, she was my 2nd.  My oldest son was so high needs -colic, reflux, just plain miserable and never wanted anyone to hold him.  My kids are only 18mos apart.  I never had thoughts of hurting them or myself but I had a hard time going out in public, just constant fears that someone might abduct them.  I had a weird incident right after I brought her home where these 4 ladies got wayyyy to close to me in the mall and started asking too many questions about my baby.  I started having uncontrollable crying and panic attacks.

I think it comes from somewhere inside that we *almost* lost our mommy control and we're determined to not let that happen again.  Is there a mommy group in your area?  Sometimes fresh air and a good laugh will help.  If not, try maybe yoga or non-stress exercise to help clear your mind if you're scared of medication.  I don't like being a med-head either, I've had some nasty side effects!

lyrick24
by Group Admin on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:00 PM

 i know you didnt respond well on zoloft but that doesnt mean you wouldnt respond well to something else. you might want to give it a try. with your family history of suicide you really need to be seeing a therapist if at all possible. sometimes you can find them on a sliding scale rate or if you live near a university they have counselors who are in taining and it doesnt cost very much to see one of those. try to get yourself some me time in there and let your husband babysit while you do. pamper yourself and take it easy. dont be hard on yourself. best of luck to you and remember you can always come here and vent.

ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 2:37 PM
Sounds like you could have PPD, but I'm not a doctor. I really feel for you. I couldn't imagine how you feel..with losing your mom and then your brother to suicide. There is help out there. Like the PP had said there are place that have a sliding fee scale. There is support here for you. You could also find hotlines to call if you are feeling really depressed and/or suicidal. Medications(once they can find the right ones for you) and therapy are the best treatments for PPD or Depression. I hope that you can find the help that you need.
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Cafe AmyS
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 9:19 PM
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Welcome to the group!  Even without medication, talking to your doctor or a therapist can be a huge help for dealing with depression.  Please do so, especially if you feel you might be a danger to yourself or your children.

ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2012 at 3:38 AM
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If you need to talk or just vent, feel free to PM me. We care about each other here and are always here to help.
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dizzy77702
by on Mar. 8, 2012 at 4:30 PM

I'm sorry that you are going through this, I had PPD with both my kids births and after the second one I tried to take my own life, please talk to your doctor, there are meds out there that won't make you suicidal and might not make you feel worse.  Have you tried lexapro or wellbutrin?  Both of those meds worked with me with minimal side effects.

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