Well I guess i've never been one to show too much other than happiness and anger. i am starting to thing i have ppd, i've never felt so empty and unenergetic in my life. I currently have 4 kids. they are great kids, don't get me wrong and my SO is supportive but i just feel like, dang, i dunno how to describe it. lonely,empty, unattractive. it's not like i don't bounce right back after having kids, hell i'm 5'6" 132lbs and i had my DS4 5 weeks ago. I ate healthy, tried to excersize and got out of the house but that was all really hard to do. i've lost my appetite and today i was going to go into town ( i live in the country btw) and get some grocery shopping done but i freaked out instead, my brother unbuckled the car seat and i couldn't get it right so i yelled and told my SO that i'm not going because people always have to f*ck with my van!! so then i tried to calm myself down, i mean we were ready to go, my 3yo DS was dressed, DS4 was bathed and fed and ready to go, i was even dressed and i thought i was ready to go but i couoldn't. so i picked DS4 and told SO that we weren't going, screw it, i just couldn't get over it. as i'm typing this, i'm crying over my over reaction and the fact i really wanted to get out of my house for a bit. SO asked me if there was anything else we needed in town, i told him there's nothing, SO and DS3 went to town for a doctors appointment but before he left I have no idea why i told him this but I told him that I don't trust him with the baby. He told me to F off and he him and DS3 left. I don't know why i said it, i don't know why i freaked out like i did, i don't know who i am any more, i used to be a mostly happy person but now i feel like a pile of dung. i just had to vent.