Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'm new and very depressed...need support!

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:14 PM
  • 11 Replies

Hi I'm Susie. I'm from Ohio and I'm married with 3 kids (7,2, and 8 mos) I have issues with my IL's and it's starting to effect my marriage.

We've been together 10 yrs. and it's just getting worse. DH always sides with IL's. I'm so depressed and have nobody in my life really to talk to other then to come on here and vent.

I'd love to make some friends and get support from ladies who know what I'm going through! :)

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:14 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ladytee75
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:21 PM

Whats been going on

mommyof2girls13
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:37 PM

My DH allows his family to be nasty to me and he never defends me, but yet I'm not allowed to defend myself either. I basically have to sit there and not say anything.

My issues are with MIL, and both SIL from  the day I walked into the picture.

IL's are very toxic, passive aggressive, control freaks that have Dh wrapped around their fingers. Now I have 3 kids and with two of them, they're always trying to brainwash them, SIL (DH's sister) is obsessed w/oldest DD and is always making comments about how they're twins b/c they have everything in common MIL is always causing trouble between DH and I and then sits back and acts innocent, SIL (BIL's wife) tells her kids to only call me by my name and not add the "Aunt" title and won't allow BIL any where near me w/o giving me the stare down.

I don't have contact w/them b/c of all this. DH will constantly force the kids to go around, when he knows how I feel about what they're trying to do to the kids. I'm starting to lose respect for him by the minute.

We do go to counseling....seperately, but it's not working. I've been to 4 counselors in a years time...no one seems to be able to help. IDK where else to go!

leahbeah143
by Leah on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:54 PM

 hugs! I don't have IL troubles, but I'm here to listen! My ex IL's were jerks, so I do understand!

lyrick24
by Group Admin on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:01 PM

 im sorry things are not going good for you right now. it isnt good that your husband picks sides. that makes it real hard. i hope you two can work through it. welcome to the group and feel free to come in and vent anytime. im melissa.

mommyof2girls13
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:15 PM

Hi Leah nice to me you and nice to meet you too Melissa! Thank you for welcoming me to this group. I hope to make many friends here! :)

Mom_The_Nurse
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:24 PM

give him an ultimatum. seriously. as a man, YOUR family always comes first when you get married!

mommyof2girls13
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I've told DH before he needs to put me and the kids first....he says he does. I've told him whenever he's around those witches, he acts just like them, doesn't seem to do any good. He claims he defends me to his family, but he never confronts them in front of me. So b/c they keep starting trouble, how can I believe he really is standing up for me?

He always twists everything to make it as if I'm the bad guy. A friend recently told about this term after I started telling her what I was going through called "Gaslighting". So, I looked it up and was shocked to read how it was my DH to a T. After googling this term, the 3rd one really shocked b/c it gives 15 signs if you're being "gaslighted"....all 15 pertain to me!

For any other DH, giving him an ultimatum wouldn't be a problem, but my DH is very passive aggressive and controlling. He knows I don't have anywhere to go, no family and basically no friends. Plus I'm a SAHM, so I can't afford to move out and get my own place either....I'm stuck. :(

psurmont
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:19 AM
I know how it is to deal with crazies! My mother in law is a witch! My husband has stood up for me, but then if I call her out on something she runs and tattles on me to him! Yes I have called her a bitch to her face and have told her I want nothing to do with her! Yes I have told him how I feel and that I am my child's mother and I will keep my child away from crazy no matter what it takes. Just stand up for yourself and tell her and your SIL where to go! He does however have to show you the respect of putting his mother in her place and defending you. That is what a real man does for his wide when she is being disrespected!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
matreshka
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 9:30 AM

I'm really sorry.  Do you think he would go to couples counseling?  Is he aware of how he is manipulating you or do you think he's just being immature and selfish?

Quoting mommyof2girls13:

I've told DH before he needs to put me and the kids first....he says he does. I've told him whenever he's around those witches, he acts just like them, doesn't seem to do any good. He claims he defends me to his family, but he never confronts them in front of me. So b/c they keep starting trouble, how can I believe he really is standing up for me?

He always twists everything to make it as if I'm the bad guy. A friend recently told about this term after I started telling her what I was going through called "Gaslighting". So, I looked it up and was shocked to read how it was my DH to a T. After googling this term, the 3rd one really shocked b/c it gives 15 signs if you're being "gaslighted"....all 15 pertain to me!

For any other DH, giving him an ultimatum wouldn't be a problem, but my DH is very passive aggressive and controlling. He knows I don't have anywhere to go, no family and basically no friends. Plus I'm a SAHM, so I can't afford to move out and get my own place either....I'm stuck. :(


mommyof2girls13
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 2:22 PM

 Wow..your MIL tattles on you? Lol Mine hasn't done that yet, but I'm sure she would if I gave her the chance! I've told him what I expect from him as a DH and he pretty much laughed in my face. DH's very dominant and always has to be in control or he gets vengeful.....just like MIL and SIL.

Everyone keeps telling me to do this, but nothing works and I don't want to get a divorce b/c I do love him. I'm in a bad place b/c if I leave...I pretty much give him and his family control over my kids whenever he would have them. Not to mention, if I leave and he finds someone else they would become a mother figure in my kids lives and I don't want that either.

I just wish there was a way I could make DH see what he and IL's are doing to us and our family. I've been seeing a counselor, but she's not helping me. She tells me to separate from him and to try and get help leaving, which defeats the purpose marital counseling.

I would absolutely love to tell my MIL and SIL where to go! Lol DH however, would get mad at me and make a scene. If I called them up and tried to explain my feelings, they'd yell and scream over my voice and then hang up on me. Childish, huh?

 

Quoting psurmont:

I know how it is to deal with crazies! My mother in law is a witch! My husband has stood up for me, but then if I call her out on something she runs and tattles on me to him! Yes I have called her a bitch to her face and have told her I want nothing to do with her! Yes I have told him how I feel and that I am my child's mother and I will keep my child away from crazy no matter what it takes. Just stand up for yourself and tell her and your SIL where to go! He does however have to show you the respect of putting his mother in her place and defending you. That is what a real man does for his wide when she is being disrespected!

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)