why do i set such high expectations for myself?
i find myself in this current state of not knowing "who i am" "what i want" "what i think" etc. when this happens for years on end i tend to latch onto someone that i idolize and try to do everything they do, be everything they are. they ahve it "perfect" and if i could just mirror them then i will be happy. of course the person that i have managed to latch onto for the last few years has a life that doesnt even compare to mine and i could never in my wildest dreams keep up with her. this comes up right now because i am trying to wear my baby on my back in a wrap. well i HATE it. he HATES it. it takes forever. it hurts to put on. i have a mei tie that we both love. simpe easy and doesnt hurt at all. but SHE uses a wrap. several different wraps. i feel like im failing. im a lesser person right now because id rather use one carrier instead of another. i do this to myself ALL THE TIME. the tiniest little things! Well SHE does it this way so i am doing it wrong. wrong wrong wrong. failed failed. worthless. pointless. ALL THE TIME. and i cant stop it