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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Battleing my thoughts

Posted by on May. 9, 2012 at 9:59 PM
  • 17 Replies

Battleing my thoughts is the hardest thing I go through every day, my depression kicks in and I dont have time being depressed. My son needs me to be happy and outgoing with him during the day. And being happy and outgoing is my normal personality, Before I got pregnant in 2010. I ask myself everyday what happened to me? I torture myself with my own thoughts, knowing that its hurting me inside emotionally. I have most of what I want out of life and im still working towards the rest. So what do I really have to be sad about? Im sad about my self esteem. I ask my husband questions that I want to know the answer to about the past knowing that the answers are only going to hurt me inside. And now I cant get his answers out of my head and it makes me want to ask more questions knowing its only going to hurt me more! My husband and I are 8 yrs apart. Im 22 and hes 30. We got together when I was 19 and he was 27 going on 28. I love my husband with everything that I am, hes my best friend, hes the only guy in my life that has treated me right. And its like ive been hurt so much my whole life that its almost my comfort zone cause im so use to it so im trying to find things about my husband that I know will hurt me. And i know that to some this will not make any sence. But im trying to be happy with myself and my life and im just battleing myself with all this stuff. My mind runs non stop about things, things that hurt me emotionally.

  Im sorry if this isnt makeing any sence, im just writing down my thoughts, my feelings and trying to figure out why I do this myself, while letting out a good cry. Trying to release it out of my system. I figured the reason why I didnt have a problem with this in the past is because the guys that i was with did a pretty good job at hurting me emotionally. So i dont know..... If yall can come up with a good reason why I do this then please by all means tell me what you think?...

by on May. 9, 2012 at 9:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
anonymous81
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:06 PM
You sound just like me five years ago. I struggled a lot with what is called maladaptive thinking which is where you get caught up in negative thoughts about yourself then before you know it you are trapped in your own mind...
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anonymous81
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:14 PM
I mean it feels like you are sucked into a vicious cycle of feeling bad about yourself and then you feel even worse because its like you have no control over it. I think that you should try to take a few deep breaths and make plans to enjoy the little things in life because there you will find joy. It's harder to do that when you are young. I am thirty one now and my anxiety and depression has greatly improved with time. My husband has been supportive and I take my meds religiously. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself some credit for the good things you do for your loved ones everyday.
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MrzPalmer
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:16 PM

I am trapped in my own mind, or at least it feels that way. Im harder on myself then anyone has been to me. I torture myself knowing it is only going to hurt me and bring me down but yet cant help it. I need a therpist and im actually going to call around tomorrow cause if I keep feeling like this for weeks on end then its only going to lead to cutting myself again, and not to where i want to kill myself but to where my pain will be else where. I cant be this insecure, depressed women. I need to be "ME" my happy, outgoing, bubbly self, for my son and husband. I really dont see what my husband sees in me, but I do know that I would to look through his eyes to know. I just think how can my husband or anyone else love me when I dont even love myself?? Im sorry im just going on and on i just dont have noone to talk to, who can understand my depression, or my thoughts. All ppl that know me can do is feel sorry for me and I dont want that. Because I dont feel sorry for myself.

Quoting anonymous81:

You sound just like me five years ago. I struggled a lot with what is called maladaptive thinking which is where you get caught up in negative thoughts about yourself then before you know it you are trapped in your own mind...


anonymous81
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:19 PM
Sometimes your mind can feel like your own worst enemy! Try this one simple thing that helped me too...when you have a negative thought immediately follow it with a positive thought. Keep doing that and let me know how it works for you.
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anonymous81
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:23 PM
I really do understand how you feel because I have been there before and believe me it gets better. Things will turn around for you. I think it would be good for you to talk to a therapist too because its always good to get all of your feelings out and have a good cry.


Quoting MrzPalmer:

I am trapped in my own mind, or at least it feels that way. Im harder on myself then anyone has been to me. I torture myself knowing it is only going to hurt me and bring me down but yet cant help it. I need a therpist and im actually going to call around tomorrow cause if I keep feeling like this for weeks on end then its only going to lead to cutting myself again, and not to where i want to kill myself but to where my pain will be else where. I cant be this insecure, depressed women. I need to be "ME" my happy, outgoing, bubbly self, for my son and husband. I really dont see what my husband sees in me, but I do know that I would to look through his eyes to know. I just think how can my husband or anyone else love me when I dont even love myself?? Im sorry im just going on and on i just dont have noone to talk to, who can understand my depression, or my thoughts. All ppl that know me can do is feel sorry for me and I dont want that. Because I dont feel sorry for myself.


Quoting anonymous81:

You sound just like me five years ago. I struggled a lot with what is called maladaptive thinking which is where you get caught up in negative thoughts about yourself then before you know it you are trapped in your own mind...



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anonymous81
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:33 PM
You could also look into EMDR therapy which is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a technique where you basically close your eyes and tread through your memory to relive past painful memories but with the help of your therapist you act out in your mind how you wish you could have dealt with the people or situations that caused you pain thus dealing with past issues left untreated. I underwent this therapy on two occasions recently and it worked wonders for me.
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MommysTimeOut5
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 10:53 PM

I completely understand. I am my own worst enemy. I have thoughts racing through my head 25/8 which is beyond 24/8. I have been sad or depressed for so longand I am used to feeling pain and even when it is not so bad anymore, that is like an unknown territory and I personally like to run back to the hurt because that is what I am used to and it was my life.  I may not be in your shoes but we are both in the same shoe store

matreshka
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2012 at 7:13 AM

I am like that too. I have PTSD and whyle my DH is great I feel like something bad is going to happen between us, because I am used to things going crazy and getting very hurt.

I would see a therapist, I do because I'm still healing over my my past and it helps a lot once you start working with a good therapist you trust.

lucy164
by Peggy on May. 10, 2012 at 7:42 AM

you can have depression even if you feel that you have a good life.  it's a biochemical disease over which you have no control. i suggest seeking psychiatric help.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2012 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this

 sometimes when we are depressed it caused us to bring back all those negative thoughts. i think you are doing well by going to see a therapist and getting a referal to a dr maybe. but therapy can help. i think if you started journaling you might feel some relief too. you sound like you have a somewhat supportive dh and that is good. im glad you have the drive to do something for yourself. i wish you the best of luck. it sounds like you are on the right track by seeking help. you can come in here for help also because we are here to support you!

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