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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Mother's without custody

Posted by on May. 14, 2012 at 12:27 PM
  • 7 Replies

When I left my ex ten years ago, for many reason's I also chose to leave my 5 & 8 year with him.

I've been a mom since I was 20 years old and it was the only thing I've ever known, but I was in love with another man (now DH) and alot of it was guilt - I promised my ex when the children were born, that I'd never be one of those mom's that take the kids away. Also he was really depressed and I felt it would help him with the kids there. They had also gone to the same schools and it was the only home my DD knew.


Anyways, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life!!! I think only a mother can understand the pain of having to leave her children. The world does look at you different, the ex can play games.

Even my dad looked at me like I was abandoning my children. I had to fight tooth and nail to see my kids - even though I CHOSE to leave them, my ex was trying to punish me.


There was absolutely no support groups or other people who I knew of who were mother's without custody.


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by on May. 14, 2012 at 12:27 PM
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Replies (1-7):
leahbeah143
by Leah on May. 14, 2012 at 12:32 PM

 my daughter was living with me until a few years ago, she had decided that she wanted to try living with her dad, his wife, and their daughter. While she's been with him she spends all summer with me, and she came here for this past Christmas. Fortunately it hasn't been drama seeing her, and she is moving back with me June 2nd. People question it a lot though.

mrsvixen
by Gold Member on May. 14, 2012 at 12:34 PM

It's like they look at you and think "what did YOU do wrong?" never mind that we're trying to do what is best for our children!

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leahbeah143
by Leah on May. 14, 2012 at 12:36 PM

 exactly, I feel like they are judging me or looking down on me. We felt she was old enough to choose, it wasn't like I sent her away, or had her taken away.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on May. 14, 2012 at 12:52 PM

 you know mrs vixen, that might be a good group to start. you made the decision you thought was best for your kids and i admire you for that.

mrsvixen
by Gold Member on May. 18, 2012 at 9:10 PM

BUMP!

mrsvixen
by Gold Member on May. 18, 2012 at 11:36 PM

I just started this topic as a group, please feel free to join http://www.cafemom.com/group/117219/?created=1

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matreshka
by Ruby Member on May. 19, 2012 at 10:14 AM

Technically I still have legal custody of my 7 year old, but he lives full time with his dad. It was supposed to be temporary while I was in and out of the hospital.

I am afraid to go to court because I do not want my mental health history thrown in my face, I feel like I would lose him forever.

You are right there are no support groups for moms like us.  There is plenty of judgement though. And its such a double standard because men who don't have custody don't get the judgement we face.  People down right hate me and judge me as being a selfish immature ass for letting my oldest live iwth his dad.  Some people even stopped being friends with me.

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