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The New Girl......

Posted by on May. 17, 2012 at 4:04 PM
  • 6 Replies

  Hello, my name is Barbara. I am new to cafemom and am still trying to find my way around. I did however find this forum and am hoping that it helps. I am 29 and have 3 children ages 1, 5, and 9. I have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety disorder and can't even get my medicine filled. Money is very tight and we can hardly pay our bills. I have good days and I have bad. Sometimes I feel as though I want to leave my family and be alone. I feel as though they'd be better off without me. Sometimes I feel as though they would fall apart without me, lol. I have seen a therapist before, but my depression got to me and I quit going. My depression started when I was 16, after my father passed away and I got into drugs and drinking. I no longer do any of that, I have the occasional glass of champagne, that's it. I have severe aggression at times, to the point where I yell at my kids for the stupidest of things. I get quiet and don't care to speak to anyone. My best friend and only friend I had here in Fernandina passed away back in Sept. I have no one to talk to anymore....... that understands anyways. I blame myself for part of my depression and the fact that Ifeel as though I messed up mine and my kids lives. My kids each have a different dad. I'm living with and engaged to my oldest sons dad. He and I have been in and out of a relationship, mostly due to my depression, He considers the kids as his, all of them. My daughters "sperm donor" has been out for 6 months, I'm happy about that. My baby boys dad unfortunately comes around. I hate him with every ounce of my being. He lied to me for 3 months about having cancer, faked everything. Faked the appts, the pain, everything. Here's the dad died from cancer when I was 16. I need help with overcoming this and being free of it. I need people like me to talk to. My fiance understands, but only to a certain extent.

by on May. 17, 2012 at 4:04 PM
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Replies (1-6):
by Group Admin on May. 17, 2012 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this

 welcome to the group! im sorry you are experiencing so much depression and are unable to get your meds. im sure youre not alone in that and that is a shame because you need to be happy. try to do some things in a day that make you feel good. at night when you put the kids to bed take a nice hot bubble bath with candles. just pamper yourself.

by on May. 17, 2012 at 6:03 PM

Thank you. I do try to do things that make me happy. Right now I'm really into gardening. I'm trying new things and so far some of it has worked out, but some hasn't. I just have to keep trying.  

by on May. 17, 2012 at 7:29 PM
Welcome to the group! That's great you are trying new things. Finding your own identity outside of being a mom and the depression is important.
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by on May. 17, 2012 at 10:32 PM

Welcome to the group have you contacted some help in your area to pay for your meds.

by on May. 18, 2012 at 5:10 AM

Welcome. You sound so upset. I hope we can be a support system for you. I know how isolating depression can make me and having no friends to talk with makes it worse. I also get how the man in your life does not get what you are going through. You sound a lot like myself. Sorry you are struggling but I am glad you came here for some help. We are nonjudgemental and I hope you can feel comfortable here.

by on May. 18, 2012 at 2:29 PM

Thank you everyone. Today has been a rough day. My anger levels have been very high and my sadness was high, but I'm feeling a lil bit better now. I did get myself 2 tomato plants and potted them so I do feel better. The heat tho has sent me and the kids in for a while. I hate living in Fl, it gets too hot here. I'm happy to know that there are nonjudgemental people in this world. Here you not only see it, but you can feel the judgements as well.

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