In desperate need of advice and answers!
Hello. Thank You for taking the time to read my post. Ill try to just get to the chase and make long story short as possible.
It all started 10 years ago in 2002 when my half sibling sister ( that I didnt even know I had) came into our lives. I was 14 at the time and all I could think about was, Wow I have another sister!! I was excited! She was a bit older than myself because my dad had a 21 age diffrence than my mother. So I was 14 and she was 32 at the time. Everything was going great, until my father, and mother was having alot of problems. At the time I didnt know what they was because i was to young. So later on I had found out that my half sister was going behind my mothers back asking my father about his life insurance policy. My mother had found out that my dad made my half sister beneficiary after 5 months! So after just a few short months my parents divorced after 21 years of marriage
So here it is 2012, I am now 24 years old, married and 2 beautiful babys of my own, and not much has changed, my HALF sister is bossy and controlling as ever! and me, well im always the push over.... The only thing has changed is my father remarried 5 years ago, shes okay very ditsy.lol.
My father is 75 years old and was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer back in November of 2011, and 3 weeks ago he was diagnosed with Lung cancer, he is getting weaker and worse every week. Ever since I have had so much Anxiety over everything! I know this is selfish of me, I understand, but I can not help but wonder, what will happen to all od my fathers things when he is gone? Will my step mother remarry, and another man living in that house with all my fathers presious things, and memories? Will my half sister ( that I have no contact with anymore) will she get things thats is so priceless to me? Will my step mother go by my father wishes? Is there anything I can do about it if she doesnt? I have so many questions...
I am so heart broken about everything! My father illness, family, and im mad at myself for letting people to me the way they have for so long.
Is it wrong to feel that I should have more right and say so over my fathers wishes (making sure everything is the way he he wanted).
I dont know what to do. I thought about going to a therapist, but I already feel better telling my story here!
I am in desperate need, for answers, and advice?
So much for keeping my story short huh? Sorry.
Thank You all for reading though
God Bless!
Talk to your dad now. If there are things you want, let him know. He can put it in his will or living trust. You have the right to get things. Tell him they mean something to you and you would like to have it. I know it is a touchy subject but I have seen too many times where someone wants something and it goes to someone else. Don't be afraid of talking to your dad. He may want to talk with you but afraid of hurting you. Do it before it's too late.
Sit down with your dad and tell him you want to make sure his wishes are carried out. Then ask him specifically what they are and what he wants done.
Does he have a will? If not, get one done asap. Who is the executor? (the person who basically follows the will) See if you can get a copy of it for safe keeping.
If there's special things you want, tell your dad. If worse comes to worse - try to take them out of the house.
I may get bashed for the last comment, but.... my grandfather had so many wonderful heirlooms, from his life, and stuff my grandmother made. She had died 20 years prior.
In his last years, he had 2 women take advantage of him, and they basically stole alot of stuff. Stuff that my grandmother made and kept for me and my children....stuff that strangers basically stole.
You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting a part of your history and your dad.
Good luck.
Thank you! My father does not have a willm as far as I know. Its sad I know. Thats why im so concerned. My father has no money, his life insurance is only enough to cover funeral cost, and a couple debts! If my step mother does what shes suppose to with it.
The things I want are his 2 guitars, Song book that he hand written himself! Things that hes made with his bare hands when I was little. A few of his clothes( just suits that he wore alot). I dont trust my Step mother because I know she will be married or living with someone in 6 months! Thats harsh, but she will.
Sorry i cant stop venting!!
You aren't being selfish, thse are normal worries, I am sorry your father is so sick. I agree with the other ladies, talk to him about everything.
im sorry your dad is so sick. i agree with the others in that you should talk to your dad and tell him exactly what you want and maybe you can get it now before anything has happened to him. dont put it off. good luck.
Quoting JakeHannahMommy:
Thank you! My father does not have a willm as far as I know. Its sad I know. Thats why im so concerned. My father has no money, his life insurance is only enough to cover funeral cost, and a couple debts! If my step mother does what shes suppose to with it.
The things I want are his 2 guitars, Song book that he hand written himself! Things that hes made with his bare hands when I was little. A few of his clothes( just suits that he wore alot). I dont trust my Step mother because I know she will be married or living with someone in 6 months! Thats harsh, but she will.
Sorry i cant stop venting!!
since you said your dad has two kinds of cancer and is over 75 he surely understands that at some point someone will have to take care of all the final arrangements. This is the opportunity to get all his wishes in writing. If you have a local hospice they can help you with what paper work and forms your dad might need such as a DNR if he chooses , whether he wants to be buried or cremated, what kind of service he wants and also who he wants to be there. He can also list the property division. If he is not comfortable, or you aren't comfortable with doing this, the hospice workers and counselors can help him do this so the family can celebrate his life when he is gone rather than be bickering about what should be done and how. This might be a less expensive way to help your dad if he does not want to see a lawyer. It may also benefit him and the family to do a living will and but his money into a trust now so that there is less in estate fees and taxes. I only know about this because my mother died almost 2 years ago and we are still finding things that need to be dealt with because she kept everyone in the dark and told everyone different stuff( she was a control freak and did not want to let anyone know too much). Best of luck with your dad.
Talk to your dad. You will forever regret it if you won't speak to him now about how you feel.
You will not get the opportunity once he's passed. Please go talk to him. Take him to lunch or dinner. Meet him anywhere he wants but make sure the two of you talk alone.
Bring a tape recorder. From the sound of it, you'll need it.
I don't want my family to truly know who I am
Prepaid or contract
- JakeHannahMommy
on May. 22, 2012 at 11:50 AM