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Dear God, I need a therapist

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2012 at 4:42 AM
  • 4 Replies

Palm Bays are not helping. :/

my baby's going to daycare @ six months old. i'm holding her close every day until then and I'm very sad about it. I have to try to work. I'm ruining my credit and throwing everything away. Slightly on purpose. I'm one of those 'bent on self-destruction, aim high so I can destroy myself to the fullest' kind of people. I just moved and my house is a wreck. I love it but I worry every single day about every decision I make ruining my future. I have homework to do. I gotta do it. Tomorrow. I have my assistant license to practice ECE but I'm so scared of being thrown into a room of people. I know I can do it. I have to. But then I feel like I'm tossing my own babies aside to care for others...for money. This is what I chose this is my starting point. I'm getting way too snappy with my kids and I'm even getting major anxiety about whether or not I treat the equally. 

I feel like I have a boulder on my shoulders. I feel lke no one understands and every one gives up on me. My best friend is my personal abuser and I'm his favorite victim. I feel isolated, angry, and lost. I haate him and I wish he'd just leave me alone. Then he says he'll just go away but I know he won't.

The last time I saw a 'therapist', at the end of the session, he said you could either walk away and not come back or set up another appointment..I'm a unique person and he bets people give me a second look. He basically confirmed for me that I'm different and I don't fit in with the norms of society. How do I explain the severity of my social anxiety? That when I'm out in public it feels like everyone's looking at me and talking about me? 

A couple days ago I was falling asleep and then an angry voice yelled at me in my head 'WAKE UP, YOU KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT' I think that\s what it said, but it scared the shit out of me and I jumped and my heart was pounding for a good 5 minutes. It's happened before. 

by on Jun. 9, 2012 at 4:42 AM
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Replies (1-4):
by on Jun. 9, 2012 at 6:24 AM

((hugs)) I would seek out a therapist, the can help you change your self-destuctive behaivors.  Thry have helped me.  I think its normal to have high anxiety about your LO going into daycare.

by Group Admin on Jun. 9, 2012 at 6:55 AM

 are you on any meds? it sounds like you might need a psychiatrist and a therapist. i would make an appt. with both or the therapist might be able to help you get in with a psychiatrist. maybe they can help you get your thought processes right. dont feel guilty about going to work and putting your child in daycare. there are so many other people who do the same thing including myself. i hope you find the help you need. good luck with everything.

by on Jun. 9, 2012 at 8:50 AM

Get to a psychiatrist and get on some zyprexa or risperdal

by on Jun. 9, 2012 at 9:06 AM

Hi Sweety!! My name is Billie Mae and I have had depression and anxiety since I was 38. I am now 54!! If I were you, and I have done this before, I would ask for a different therapist and see a Psychiatrist for some meds for the anxiety or I call them panic attacks, and also some meds for depression if you think you are depressed!!

Also, in this day and age, it takes two people to work in a family to make ends meet. So you shouldn't feel so guilty about leaving your child at day care. I had to leave mine at day care also. I didn't like it but I also had no choice!!!

If you need someone to talk to, I will be happy to give you my cell phone # and all you have to do is ask. My free minutes start at 7:00pm EST.

God Bless and Love ya,

Billie Mae 

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