I know I had PPD after my first sone was born, I was a wreck, living with my inlaws, a new mother, high anxiety, getting oh so frustrated at my son just for needing me, etc.
Don't get me wrong, he recieved lots of loving, but I just feel since I just muddled through unmedicated or helped at all, he really missed out and I really missed out on his first year of life.
See, I just had my second, a daughter, and from 31wks pregnant to now, I finally took the plunge, told my doc my feelings, and ever since have been on Zoloft... IT HAS MADE A HUGE DIFFERENCE! I am more patient, I am more understanding, the anxiety is not constant or unbareable, I want to be around the kids more, I even have my own apartment now, things are great!
I love my daughter so much, I can barely keep away from her for long, and I could just stare into her eyes all day, I'm just finally so happy.
But that leaves me feeling totally guilty because, I didnt have this type of relationship with my son, he didn't get the best mom I could be due to untreated PPD.
Needless to say, I love him to pieces now, make sure to cuddle him every day, etc... But I just feel so awful for basically missing out on his first year of life, and he missed out on the type of mom his sister is getting, and that just makes me feel awful.
Just needed to vent :/