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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Hello!

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 10:56 PM
  • 9 Replies

Hi my name is Rheannon. Some people call me Rhea, or you can call me by my screen name or any variation of it lol. I decided to join today, because I've been in a bad mood recently. I'm just kinda smashed right now. So here is my story.

You don't have to read it. lol

I grew up in a broken home, but I always thought I was ment to shine. I was noticed for my high intellegence in the very early years. (You may notice typos and grammer though, I'll get to that later). I did well in everything I tried, but my parents were both immature drug addicts and I was never given the opertunity to shine in anything. They never took me to a school function, other then normal class, which I guess a lot of parents can't. My mother disappeared for 5 years completely when I was two. I was introduced to her right before going into second grade and we began visiting her once a month. My father sold weed out of our home, but actually if I had never known I would say my life with my father was actually nice, other then occasionally not having enough food. I have memoried of him taking one bite from each of our plates and wondering where his plate was. As an adult looking back I know my father didn't feed himself so that we could eat. But my mother eventually found God and kidnapped us on a visit. When my father tried to take us back she threatened to drive off a bridge with my and my brother in the car. So he let her take us. 

My father tried moving closer to us after she had us, but was never able to find a stable living situation after moving across the state. He appearently had some warrants from before we kids were born and ended up getting arrested. Then when we were visiting once he was trying to be cool dad. He had gotten off weed at this time, and was trying to be right, but when trying to be cool he injured himself. He was a 100% disabled veteran and the VA's solution was to load him up on pain pills. My father became addicted. A few times he was sober for a year, but then he'd get addicted trying to treat his injury (At the Time the VA didn't work with people much when it came to not getting addicted). It led him down a bad road off selling his narcotics to make ends meet, because he was slowly going blind and could no longer work. Eventually we all sat down with him and had and intervention and my grandmother watched him flush all but three days worth of pills so he could avoid a bad detox, and she took the pills and locked them up so he could step down on them.

We were to late. Narcotics build up in your system appearently. Eventually they cause a toxic shock. This toxic shock takes days to kill you, the only sign we saw was increased drowsiness. My father was dead the next morning. The autopsy confirmed he didn't take any extra the day before to cause it. My little brother because addicted to who knows what and began stealing anything I ever owned. Even clothes that could be sold were stolen. I was a minor so I couldn't do much about it. 

I think I could have still gone on to be something though, but when I was 19 I woke up once day to a paramedic screaming at me. He was asking me what I took. I don't even take tylonal because drugs scare me so bad, so it was rather confusing. It turned out I had a seizure and a severe one. I was covered in urine and in a lot of pain. After many months I was given an EEG and discussed my medical history with a nuerologist. I was diagnosed with epilepsy. This was very tramatic for me. I had always wanted to be a pilot. 

Okay I could have found another career, and I did. I decided to learn sign language and be an interpretter. My siezures weren't controlled so I continued to have them. Eventually it became appearent my spacial reasoning was suffering. I have a hard time percieving rapid motion now. So sign language became a struggle because I couldn't see the movements all the time. This was damage from having seizures. 

Lately I've been having memory problems. Because of my inability to remember I have my purse taken twice. (leaving it somewhere) I am so tired of replacing my ID every few months... 

And randomly all my friends have moved to start their great adventures, like we all used to talk about. But I can't and never will be able to. I can't even drive.

by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 10:56 PM
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Replies (1-9):
ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Jul. 12, 2012 at 11:06 PM
Hello and welcome to the group! You have just joined an awesome group of women! It does sound like youve had a rough life, Im sorry about that,but reaching out for help is the 1st step to feeling better and you just did that by joining the group. My names Ashleigh and Im 40 yrs old. Ive had depression/anxiety since I was 16. Im looking forward to getting to know you better!
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firespurity
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 11:21 PM

Aw thanks. I've had some struggles and I want to stop getting pushed back down, so to speak. I've had depression for years, it comes in waves, but the medications I've tried don't do well with my seizure medicines. I'm just screwed. I usually do a good job not letting it overwhelm me though.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 12, 2012 at 11:22 PM

Welcome aboard!

My ex-husband is a crack-addict so I know about that addiction.  He went through so many treatment centers it was pathetic.   But the one thing I did learn is that you have to come off narcotics with the help of a treatment center - not cold turkey on the kind of drugs he was doing.  Treatment centers have the anti-toxins to help come off them.

I'm sorry this happened to your dad.  The VA is nortorious for handing out pill after pill.  My now husband is a DAV and refuses to take pain meds unless he's in the prone position for a few days.  I watch him closely for indications of pain because he won't talk about his pains. 

Since you are disabled, isn't there a nurse or assistant that could be assigned to you to help with your everyday living? 


firespurity
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 11:28 PM

I'm sure there would be if I had insurance. I've really been considering trying to get disability for a few years now, because it's gotten worse instead of better. (originally there was talk of some people grow out of it). I have been surviving by doing side work for friends and family for cash.

My loved ones are overly cautious about me being in pain to, lol. I once ended up in the ER after I couldn't get out of bed for two days, turned out it was a kidney infection that had gotten out of control. Ever since my family forces me to go if I'm acting sick. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Welcome aboard!

My ex-husband is a crack-addict so I know about that addiction.  He went through so many treatment centers it was pathetic.   But the one thing I did learn is that you have to come off narcotics with the help of a treatment center - not cold turkey on the kind of drugs he was doing.  Treatment centers have the anti-toxins to help come off them.

I'm sorry this happened to your dad.  The VA is nortorious for handing out pill after pill.  My now husband is a DAV and refuses to take pain meds unless he's in the prone position for a few days.  I watch him closely for indications of pain because he won't talk about his pains. 

Since you are disabled, isn't there a nurse or assistant that could be assigned to you to help with your everyday living? 



reindeer-c
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 5:16 AM

Welcome. You sound like a very strong person. I am sorry for all of your struggles throughout your life. I am glad you joined the group. This is a wonderful source of support and knowledge for certain situations.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Jul. 13, 2012 at 7:22 AM

 do you have you seizures under control now? its never too late to go into another profession if you are stabolized. maybe you could do something with computers. i hope you can find what you are looking for in life in some way. you could even tell your story about epilepsy to others. be an advocate for those with it. good luck to you and  hugs momma.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Jul. 13, 2012 at 9:51 AM

 big hugs! you've been through so much!

JansRainbow
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Hi and welcome to the group. I am sorry for all what you have been through. Check with the Department of Rehabilitation. They can train you for new jobs. They will give you tests and see what you can be trained for. The should pay  for training and schooling. You sound very strong. That helps so much. I will be praying for you. Take care.

firespurity
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 1:32 PM

I've been told I need to go to a neurologist that specializes in adult onset of epilepsy, but I don't have any insurance right now. :/ I'd love to have it controlled more.

Quoting lyrick24:

 do you have you seizures under control now? its never too late to go into another profession if you are stabolized. maybe you could do something with computers. i hope you can find what you are looking for in life in some way. you could even tell your story about epilepsy to others. be an advocate for those with it. good luck to you and  hugs momma.


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