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So down and depressed...

Posted by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 3:00 AM
  • 5 Replies
my husband of 12 years walked out on me for his 31 y/o girlfriend (that he was cheating on me with). Leaving our 5 year old granddaughter and I totally destitute (he was the sole provider as I am disabled). He has been court-ordered to pay alimony, but quit his job and left town. I have no other income at this time-until my SSI comes through (hopefully). I had to move in with my oldest son. My whole life (as I knew it) is gone. The only thing that keeps me going is my granddaughter and my mother. Most days I wish I wasn't even alive. :( Ever since he left me...nothing has gone right and it just seems to get worse. I have no money for anything, I need tires for my car, the gas gauge quit working, I got a $864 ticket for no insurance that my husband told me he would pay and didn't...etc...I can't take it anymore and feel horrible.
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 3:00 AM
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by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 3:03 AM

Remember mama, those are all temporary things. In life, things always must get worse before they get better, it's an unwritten, cruel rule. Besides, if you're old enough to be a grandmother, then you are old enough to understand that sometimes you just have to grin and bear it, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and prove to the fucking unfunny universe that you are stronger than it! You will find a way, promise.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 4:26 AM
do whatever u need to do for u and your granddaughter, maybe your son can help with your car until your ssi comes in. Your husband won't stay with her forever. Shell get tired of him and leave him. Then he might come back begging for u to take him back. Don't do it. But your marriage is broken, don't try to fix it. You'll end up getting hurt again. Get a counsler to talk to about it, or your son, someone.
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by Group Admin on Jul. 21, 2012 at 7:13 AM
1 mom liked this

 i am so sorry. i know this has to be hard on you. only time will take away the pain. hopefully you will get your ssi and that will help you out. it seems like you are starting at the bottom again but you can pull yourself up. take it one step at a time.

by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:42 PM

The death of a marriage does take its own grieving process. The fact that he's left you for another woman has been like getting hit by a car. Take it one baby step at a time. He sounds like a real asshole, so instead of being down, celbrate about getting rid of him and a new start in life!!!1hugs

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by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 2:33 PM

First of all, you are better off without him. And there is one thing in an above post that I disagree with:  someone said that time will take away the pain. Time doesn't actually take away anything. Pain can manifest and get worse with time. It's what you DO with the time that matters. Don't dwell.

Also, if you are still married, you can have him traced and the alimony will be garnished from his wages. Find out how to do it. I have never had to do that before.

Then, thank God your ex is gone and you didn't have to endure years of abuse from him that you couldn't get out of, like some women. His leaving actually did you a favor. Now you can get on with your life.

As for the gas gauge, mine doesn't work either. I just re-set the trip meter every time I get gas, and I know that when I hit 300 miles it's almost empty, and I need to refill. That's minor. My air conditioner also doesn't work, so I sweat in the 100-degree car. It sucks. I have to play with the windshield wipers sometimes to get them to work, too. Life goes on.

I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, but I'm trying to say you can deal with some things. If you don't know God, then get to know Him really fast for the other things. You first have to thank Him for what you do have and for whatever is right with your life, such as your granddaughter and your mother, and the fact that you were able to move in with your son. Some women might have had to go to a shelter. Then ask Him to help you through the rough times. Every night, find something to thank Him for, even if it's one minor thing, like letting your car run for one more day, or waiting to rain after you brought the groceries in. Not to be silly, but little things count, and it puts you in touch with the positive things in life, rather than the negative things. Little by little, you will train yourself to start to notice more and more good things. My favorite prayer is the Serenity Prayer, and I say it to myself often. I ask God all the time to help me, because I feel better knowing I have His help.

Sorry about being so long, but these are the things that help me get through. I start with the little stuff and work up. One thing is for sure, don't ever let your husband come back because it will put you right back at square one again...

Another thing, depression is something that can be really serious and require medication. It's different from the blues or just feeling down for a few days. Be sure you are in touch with a counselor or a doctor to see if you need meds. If you already take meds, then make sure they don't need to be adjusted.

Best of luck to you! Hang in there!

 you rock

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