19 and need answers
- 11 Replies
Im 19 years old.. graduated in 2011.. my parents divorced when i was 5 and i was really close to my dad but he married my step mom and now has barely anything to do with me (he has chosen to raise my 2 brothers instead) anyways my junior year i dropped out of band and decided to do theatre and FBLA because it was cheaper even though i was an extremely talented trombone player. I was in numerous plays and went to state for FBLA (I raised money with our club doing a bake sale at school so it was free). I got a job my junior year and my dads mom sent me my graduation present extremely early so i could buy a car to get back and forth to work. this was a 1997 toyota that i paid 3000 bucks for. after i got in a wreck we got money back from the insurance company that bought my next car which was also 3000.. i got hit by and 18 wheeler (my mom was extremely pissed.. kicked me out.. wasnt my fault he came in my lane) and that money my mom kept because the car was in her name. Now I have a truck that i have paid for and is in my name. my sister on the other hand has NEVER had a job and is a senior this year.. she has done soccer, band AND danceline and my mom just bought her a 30,000 dollar (brand new) 383 miles on it car. she also just got her whole room furnished with new furniture.. she has not in any way earned this stuff.. She has bad grades as well, while I graduated with honors and was in honors and college courses and am in college along with having a full time job. i just want to know why my dad has chosen my 2 brothers over me and my mom has chosen my sister over me. And if i say something to my mom she says i am ungrateful for what i have.. like i really feel like my parents dont even love me. i OD-ed on meds back aug/11 and she said at the hospital im so tired of her i just want to do for myself. i am pregnant right now and i know my emotions are everywhere but i really feel like im not loved and i just hate living. i hate this. and i have no one to talk to.
I just don't pay it any mind.
Sometimes parents just play favorites. Sometimes there is no reason. My brother is my moms favorite. Always has been and probably always will be. I think what would be best for you is to just cut ties with them for a while. Be on your own and do what you have to do. Raise your baby and be who you are. If you can you may want to look into counseling. It could help you. Big hugs and good luck. I would be willing to chat with you. I may not be able to help you with anything but sometimes having someone to talk to is help enough.
with your sister and your brothers being handed everything they will not learn any responsibility. you are the lucky one when it comes to that. i think it was wrong that your mom kicked you out for being in a wreck. but you are going to be able to make it in life when everyone else is suffering. mom want always be there to serve everything up to sister on a silver platter but you will have gone on with your life and be totally independent. i know it probably makes you feel like you are not loved but you need to build a life of your own with your own friends and as you say you are preganant and you will never know the love that a child can give you until you have one. i think you are a strong person and i admire you for doing things on your own!
I used to feel like my parents favored my brothers over me but now that I am older I see it differently. Like a pp said cut ties with them and do what you have to do for your baby and you. Good luck.
Parents don't mean to but it does happen. Some pick one child over another because that child is more affectionate. Some pick one over another because of their own inadequate parenting skill. Some do because they are hurting over a traumatic event (divorce, grief, etc.)
Some do because they have power/control issues that have nothing whatsoever to do with the child.
You're 19 and about to be a mother. You're self-sufficient and are capable of making a really good life for yourself.
As an adult and mother, try not to concern yourself with what's going on with your mother/sister. Yes, it is unfair but look at yourself. You're awesome! You are doing things your way and it shouldn't matter that they aren't seeing it right now. I know it does. Trust me I do. But take a step back and take a really good look at your positive accomplishments. Try not to compare because you and your sister are two very different people.
Only your father knows why he chose the boys. It may be some arrangement that he and your mother made long ago. Only your mother knows why she's favoring one over the other.
What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Do you have an apartment or place of your own?
@ anonymous.. my dad had my sister and i before he married my stepmom.. her son he adopted and their son they had together is 7.. so he chose them long before he left us.. and i still live at home.. i am sleeping on the couch because when i left to live with my bf before he got me pregnant they turned my room into a storage room.. he doesnt want anything to do with me since im preggo with his child so i had to go to a maternity home and then mom let me come home but like i said i dont even have a room to sleep in. but i am saving money to move out to an apartment about 45 minutes away. it just doesnt make sense that i work so hard to be a good kid but no matter what its not good enough.. so i have started distancing myself which seems to have made things worse.. like its so cold at home i havent had a conversation with my mom or sister all weekend.. and it seems like they TRY to upset me.. like i have been craving salty so yesterday when they went into town i asked if they would mind stoping and getting me a burger or fries because i was hungry.. they came back with pizza from a place i hate so i had to leave in a thunderstorm to drive into town to get food.
I think you're doing a good thing for yourself with some distance. It's almost like they have an "us-against-them" mentality. That's never a good thing because the root cause of it most of the time is selfishness.
You keep doing for yourself, honey because it sounds like to me that you really have your shit together. I don't know about your parents but I'm damn proud of you just hearing what little I've read about you. Your child will be super special and I'd definitely set some ground rules about the favoritism and negativity when the parents, brothers/sisters are around.
You are the most postive person in your life and that's something to be truly proud of.
Quoting Anonymous:@ anonymous.. my dad had my sister and i before he married my stepmom.. her son he adopted and their son they had together is 7.. so he chose them long before he left us.. and i still live at home.. i am sleeping on the couch because when i left to live with my bf before he got me pregnant they turned my room into a storage room.. he doesnt want anything to do with me since im preggo with his child so i had to go to a maternity home and then mom let me come home but like i said i dont even have a room to sleep in. but i am saving money to move out to an apartment about 45 minutes away. it just doesnt make sense that i work so hard to be a good kid but no matter what its not good enough.. so i have started distancing myself which seems to have made things worse.. like its so cold at home i havent had a conversation with my mom or sister all weekend.. and it seems like they TRY to upset me.. like i have been craving salty so yesterday when they went into town i asked if they would mind stoping and getting me a burger or fries because i was hungry.. they came back with pizza from a place i hate so i had to leave in a thunderstorm to drive into town to get food.
how do I learn to be patient?
